Update!

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Update!
11
Thu, 12-22-2005 - 4:52pm

Last night I got a call from T and he wanted to arrange a date this week. I really didn't think he would call, I thought he would text me, like he did in the past. So I guess in a way the relationship is moving up a notch. We made it short and sweet and we are going on a 3rd date this Saturday. It'll be lunch again because it is Christmas Eve and I will be having dinner with my family. I feel kind of bummed out because I think it would be nice to have a romantic dinner with him on Christmas Eve... however, there will be plenty of chances later I hope!

Thanks girls for your advice and yes it is true that when I've dated them all it would be obvious which ones to eliminate!! I am so glad that I didn't tell any of them that I was dating others as well!!!

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
In reply to: red_mushroom
Thu, 12-29-2005 - 4:35pm

hi everyone, hope you all had a good Christmas!

I've got my sunglasses back from G and he was perfectly nice when I saw him the 2nd time. He said he'll call me once he gets back to town (after new years). He's already texted me when he arrived at his holiday. I doubt he'll call when he comes back and I'm not counting on it.

So I went on the date with T on Christmas eve and we went to the movies. It was cool and afterwards we hung around and had drinks and he drove me home. He had every opportunity to at least hold my hand or something but there was nothing physical. He gave me some chocolates for Christmas so on Christmas day (the next day) I gave him a call to say merry xmas and thanked him for the chocolates. We chatted briefly and was fine. The next day he texted me and invited me to this house. We had talked previously about his trip to Africa and he wanted to show me the photos... but then again I wasn't born yesterday so I was wondering... heehee.

After sitting around chatting, we watched a DVD. The room was dark and he still didn't make a move. I wasn't going to make a move cos I just wanted him to, lol. Then he asked me about what's going on and he told me that he really likes me etc and said that he didn't want to make a move because I'm so nice and blah blah and then asked how physical I wanted to get then he asked the big question- "do you want to have sex?"

I was thinking what the! He hadn't even touched me or kissed yet. Feeling whatever, I said ok... rofl... and he's a bad kisser... glad I didn't say let's just kiss first! Have to say that I've had better sex... well in comparison my ex is a sex god... lol... but anyway... it was good.

So i don't know what I'm doing because I've been sleeping with a different guy each week, and dating 2+ guys each weekend. It's so not me... but I'm enjoying it.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-17-2002
In reply to: red_mushroom
Thu, 12-29-2005 - 5:19pm

Well as long as you are enjoying yourself and more importantly BEING CAREFUL, then go for it. Just make sure that you are setting your expectations for yourself and the guys.

But good grief - I think I would have been majorly turned off if the guy had never even tried to kiss me or touch me and then came out with "so you wanna have sex?". But that's me! Have fun!

131.gif image by y_baros th5K.gif image by jade_simo

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
In reply to: red_mushroom
Wed, 01-04-2006 - 1:32am

More update:

T spent half of his NYE with his friends and spent the other half with me. It was so strange... cos he came in and gave me cheeks... I was thinking what the. Anyway, the evening was great, he met my friends and we watched the fireworks together at midnight... well usually people hug each other and lovers kiss at the end of the fireworks and say happy new year... well he did none of that! Not that I was up for it, I was standing really close to him and gave him every opportunity to touch me etc. But he didn't.

I thought maybe he was shy cos my friends and others were around (even though it was dark)! My best friend was staying over that night so he didn't say. The next day at 10am he texted me and said we should meet up. so he came to my place and we were chatting and eventually I said do you want to watch a DVD and he said "er, or we can do soemthing else". I looked at him and grinned. I put on the DVD and was fully leaning on him and patting his arm but he had no reaction. After the movie he said he was going home.

I thought I was giving off a major hint... but he just bailed. The next day we were texting and he said he just came home from the gym, was about to make something to eat cos he was starving. I replied and said that I bet you're starving for something else too. He said that I didn't have much appetite and when I said "says who", he immediately invited me to his place that night. I declined of course, not answering to a booty call and told him i was busy and call me later on in the week.

I don't get it... he is not affectionate at all and wants sex. Maybe that is all he wants from me.

Then G- omg, he texted me and asked me if I have a cop's uniform... I told him he wants to know too much and then he called me pretty much straight away. I didn't answer and he left me a message and I've only just called him back (more than 24 hours later). He said he would like to drop by later on in the week... I'm thinking yeah whatever... I don't believe he will.

I really like T... I just felt everything was going smoothly until these few days... I want to know if he only wants me for sex... I get the feeling that he really likes me, but I'm scared that I'm wrong and he only wants sex.

How should I ask him? Some of my friends said that I should ask him to dinner and then see what happens... I think I should just ask him right out and get an answer... what should I say without coming on too strongly... cos he told me that he was nervous around me and I want to give him the benefit of the doubt.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-18-2005
In reply to: red_mushroom
Wed, 01-04-2006 - 10:55am

First off, maybe "date" these guys each for more then a handful of times before having sex so you can see what their honest intentions are - relationships are hard; sex is easy - that is the bottom line. I think it's odd the man wanted sex and didn't want to kiss and cuddle first, sorry if he can't warm your oven first he shouldn't be allowed to bake some cookies - that to me speaks volumes, he wanted you for one thing and one thing only, a tender man will take his time.

He more than likely only wanted sex, a man who is into you will want to kiss you and touch you. But try and refrain from jumping on these guys so quickly and coming on strong, let them "court" you and get to know you. That should be something you both have when you decide you have the substance for a relationship.

Hopefully you got the sex out of your system, trust me, it sounds like it will mess you up if you don't. In other words you will be constantly questioning their motives. You can date multiple guys but it doensn't mean you need to sleep with them and if they ask you for sex, I think that is plain tacky, it should happen naturally even when it does....but please take your time.....sex will always be there. Also let them call you and ask you out, don't be asking them out when they start to pull away.....if he is into you he won't let more than two days go by w/out a call or finding out when you're available again.

Relax, let them come to you and if they don't it's their loss and someone else's gain.

Good luck,
SP

 
 
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
In reply to: red_mushroom
Wed, 01-04-2006 - 5:06pm

I'm giving out such a wrong impression here... no, I don't intend to sleep with all the men I date... just happened. Really, I shock myself as well because after my last bf, I decided that the next guy I sleep with would be when i'm married, with my husband!

Anyway, I think yeah I'm going to have a chat to him about it... but don't know what kind of words I can use... I don't want to scare him away or anything... any suggestions?

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-18-2005
In reply to: red_mushroom
Wed, 01-04-2006 - 5:23pm

If this guy is looking for a relationship with you – you won’t have to strategize a phone call or ask him out. He’s more than likely not your guy and if he is then let him prove it via actions not words. But ask yourself why you like him – or is it the chase? What makes this guy so special? Has he gone out of his way for you and done nice and thoughtful things? Don't settle for second or third class treatment...........

Good luck.
SP

 
 
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
In reply to: red_mushroom
Wed, 01-04-2006 - 5:41pm

well I feel that he has treating me really well (let's leave out the sex bit for now)... and deep down I do like this guy. I have been on a few dates and he is by far the best.

I don't know... I think I should just give him an ultimatum cos if I prefer a relationship not a "many" nights stand, lol.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-18-2005
In reply to: red_mushroom
Wed, 01-04-2006 - 5:48pm

But see (just trying to help by the way, when you’re in it it’s not as easy to be objective)....

If he was wanting a relationship you wouldn’t need to give an ultimatum – you have your answer already correct? Trust me, if he wants more he will treat you accordingly if he wants just sex then you will see how and when he asks you out, if it’s late at night and wants to always hang out on your couch he’s not courting you he’s having sex with you, make sense?

You don’t need to do anything at this point, date others and let him ask you out and if he doesn’t you have your answer but I think you already have your answer my dear.

By the way two dates (is that it?) is not enough time to know if he is a man of his word – most people do well on two dates........again, what makes him “the best”.....?

 
 
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
In reply to: red_mushroom
Wed, 01-04-2006 - 6:39pm

Thanks SP... I'm open to all sorts of insights.

I agree with your point that if he wants a relationship I would not be posting about it here! So true. Yet I don't want to write him off completely just yet because, 1. he already said that he was nervous and it might take time for him to be affectionate, BUT having said that doesn't give him an excuse not to be affectionate after having sex... 2. He really did the "right" things (before asking for sex). 3. I guess I don't want to be too harsh cos I like him.

On the 4th date we had sex, we had good conversation... but you're right, most guys do well... but then the others I dated might be just terrible!! LOL

well he has asked me out again since posting... he asked me if i wanted to meet up for lunch or dinner or movie or something else this weekend. I'm in two minds... I want to give it one more go and have a chat about it since we haven't really chatted about it... but on the other hand I really couldn't be bothered cos most likely he only wants sex.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-18-2005
In reply to: red_mushroom
Wed, 01-04-2006 - 7:01pm

Well, hope it works out for you and keep us posted.

Good luck.
SP

 
 

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