Update - continuing to break rules

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-15-2003
Update - continuing to break rules
59
Wed, 08-06-2003 - 11:40am
*** DISCLAIMER: the following content is not advisable for others to assume that because I'm doing it so you should too ***

Well I saw Lloyd again last night, and yes again at his place (we couldn't wait til Saturday's trip to six flags). He made another really nice dinner, and we watched his favorite comic on DVD. He was such a sweetheart.

I won't go into too much detail but suffice it to say I stayed the night, and it was wonderful. He was so sweet and kept asking me "are you sure this is ok?" before going any farther too. No signs of any axe-murderer/serial killer tendancies yet. ;o) He is so exactly what I need right now. And maybe also in the long run.

I will see him again I think every night this week (he's invited me) - I have no other plans and I certainly don't feel like playing "head games" pretending I do. He and I are both honest and straightforward people and he'd be able to tell if I was lying. He can read me better than anyone ever has.

Anyway - I don't advise other people to follow my example, but at the same time I totally don't regret my decision to meet him on Sunday.

Gabi

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 08-06-2003 - 12:02pm
I am so happy for you!! And I love your decision not to play head games. I was never a 'rules' or game-playing girl, so it is wonderful to see it working out for you!

-Debbie

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-16-2003
Wed, 08-06-2003 - 12:05pm
Gabi, I am so happy things turned out so well. Yes, not to set the example of what to do(BLAH!), you are very lucky it went so well. Now, you got this nice man and a happy glow going. lol I am so happy for you. Happy Dance for Gabi!!! WOO HOO!



Gail:)

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 08-06-2003 - 4:13pm
deleted


Edited 8/6/2003 5:25:07 PM ET by deena33
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 08-06-2003 - 4:18pm
From my personal experience taking things reasonably slow and slowly integrating someone into your existing life - and waiting for a commitment before sex - has nothing to do with games and everything to do with common sense and long term goals. For example, just because I "want" to see a new man but choose not to because I think that that might overwhelm him - too much too soon - is not a game to me - it is about (1) realizing that most people get overwhelmed by "too much too soon" and (2) respecting myself and realizing that I should not give my whole heart to a near stranger. On the other hand, when I have been on vacation and hooked up (not had sex or close) with a man I just met, it was with the assumption that it was just a vacation fling - nothing wrong with that - but I am not sure when making decisions about how to care for yourself and protect yourself and how to get to know someone in the best way possible became a game.
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-15-2003
Wed, 08-06-2003 - 4:27pm
Deena,

FYI I am not dating him with the expectation that this is the love of my life. I am dating him with the expectation of enjoying every day/date as it comes. And when its over I will have many happy memories. And if it lasts - wonderful. But I'm ok if it doesn't. I have no great need to be married. That isn't a priority for me - my career is.

Oh and as a REMINDER - I am childless by choice and will remain that way (I had my tubes tied deliberately). So stop making cracks about me passing on whatever to any non-existant children I will never have, ok?

Gabi

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-16-2003
Wed, 08-06-2003 - 4:44pm
What sad stories?? The only one sad story I read, was the one where you were almost raped. Are there more you would like to share? I have not seen a whole lot about your life on here. Is there something you need to get off your chest personally? We are all here for you, Deena. You know that. Share with the group. hugs!



Gail:)

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 08-06-2003 - 5:27pm
Sad stories? All you have to do is read the boards for one hour to see how many women choose to have sex on the first or second date and do this whirlwind every night dating situation only to be "confused" when three weeks later Mr. Wonderful is on to the next - I am not saying it can never work - of course it can - but what an unnecessary risk to take with your heart, your body, your health.

If you want sad stories about women who go to men's apartment on the first date that they "met" on line only you only have to read the papers.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-16-2003
Wed, 08-06-2003 - 5:38pm
No, Deena...focus here...I want to know about you. Not Gabi. Can you talk about your stories for a moment? It seems you have such an opinion of others, but what is really hurting you? What makes it so hard for you right now? Talk to us.

Here, email me if you need to talk, that is why I am here. To help. Hugs!

twinklelitlestar@hotmail.com


Gail:)

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-16-2003
Wed, 08-06-2003 - 5:53pm
Hrmmmmmmmmmm??????? Deleted???????






:)

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 08-06-2003 - 6:12pm
Well, from my personal experience, being completely honest about what you both want is the way to develop a healthy relationship. Waiting some obligatory number of days before you call, or not accepting a date after some specific day, or the seemingly endless number of other rules would have never worked for Kelly and I. The reason why we are where we are today is because we have been completely honest and open from day one. If I were to have followed those rules, there is absolutely no chance we would have ever made it.

I am certainly not saying that following rules doesn't work for others, but it definitely does not work for me.

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