Update on "Feeling Petrified" - Plz Read

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-08-2006
Update on "Feeling Petrified" - Plz Read
6
Thu, 12-28-2006 - 10:39am

Hi all,

I wanted to thank and update you all on my situation, and I also am feeling bad about something having to do with this, so I wanted to ask your advice really quickly...

He called me at work after I posted that post yesterday. He attempted to talk to me about the texts that I received at 1am that previous morning. I was very nervous and a little scared and didnt know what he was going to say, plus I was uncomfortable discussing anything at work with my co-worker sitting directly behind me, so I cut him off and said "I dont want to talk to you" and I hung up the phone. He didnt try to call me back at work, however, when I got home and checked my voicemail on my cell I saw that there was a message from him saying (in a condescending voice) things along the lines of I had no right to accuse him of sending me those texts (even though they happen to be from his area code), and that I seem to like to accuse people of things and that I should seek help for that, and that I should know what usually happens next when someone gets accused, the other person will say they dont want to talk to them anymore, and that I am not a rational person, and that if it makes me feel "all big and better" to be the one to say I dont want to talk to him anymore, than fine, but he wasnt planning on speaking to me anymore once I accused me of sending me those texts, have a nice life sweetie"

Then I called my phone company and made it so that I cannot send or receive anymore texts. He did not call me last night or try to contact me, but I did check my email this morning (aol) and there was something from him that said "hi" in the subject header. I had sent him an ecard for something a few days ago, before all this happened, and at 3pm yesterday (after he had left me that voice message saying we would never be conversing again), he left me an email that said "thank you for the card, that was very sweet of you". I never got notification that it had been opened (the company sends notification). This is weird. All of it is weird. But here's where I need your opinions:

I'm wondering if it is possible that any of my behaviors could've caused him to not want to have anything to do with me. I mean all of that previous stuff with me sending him lots of texts and voicemails etc. What i'm saying is I hope this isnt all my fault. I feel like what if maybe he really was a nice guy and I ruined something? Or does he sound like a creep regardless? I mean, he did seem very mysterious. Plus the fact that him knowing what I was doing online etc before we even had this problem means he was tracking me before any of this happened, and that's wrong. Also, he did do a couple of very mean spirited things. I do believe that those text messages containing the rejection hotline thing were a mean joke from him and a friend, and he did one time send me a text accusing ME of being a stalker, then immediately leaving a VM on my work phone telling me to disregard it, that it was a joke. I dont know. What do you all think? How do you all perceive this guy?? I dont know anymore.

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-20-2001
I think he's immature. If he has somehow hacked into your computer, then that would be the final blow for me, regardless of what he says or does afterwards. If you have proof (or even real reason to believe) that he's done that, then he has some problems. Otherwise, he sounds pretty hot and cold and that only makes a girl crazy in trying to figure them out. I'll tell you what some others will probably tell you, leave this one alone. Cross him off as a questionable character at best.
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-29-2003

Go with your gut, the guy is a stalker and psycho so block all emails, text and call your cell phone company to have his number blocked from your phone.


Avatar Image"The Small Peanu
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-09-2008
I don't think you should second guess yourself. Men like this love to confuse and manipulate women. A healthy and happy relationship simply can't come out of this.
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-06-2006

It sounds as if you may have made some mistakes. E-mailing, phoning, texting without moderation is a mistake regardless of who does it.

It also sounds as if this guy has problems.

One of the problems seems to be a desire to control/define the situation. He is telling you that you are nuts, etc. because he wants to have the last word. He is showing you that he can find out where you've been online etc. because he wants power. He is a stalker of some sort. Treating him differently wouldn't have made him a nice guy.

Let the whole situation go. Make yourself as safe as possible from this guy's harrassment and then forget about him.

And don't make the same mistakes with another guy. You're well rid of this one, but who knows, you might spoil something with someone good in the future.

Now move on.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-21-2006
I agree the guy is a weird, semi-stalker not worthy of future attention, but in all truth, the OP's actions, as described in previous posts, are semi-stalkerish as well -- calling and texting him 5-10 times if he failed to call once (after knowing him only a month) and sending him e-mails if he failed to respond to a text. I don't even know why she sent him an e-card, because she'd already said in a previous post that it was over and she'd taken measures to cease all contact. It's like she can't stay away from him; that would freak out any guy. I think we attract people with our best and worst character traits, so maybe that's true here. I think the OP should not have ANY future contact with the guy, to avoid sending him mixed messages, and should also seriously consider talking to someone about how needy and desperate she is.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-15-2004
I think that none of this is normal

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