update - going to right direction?
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| Sat, 01-07-2006 - 12:31am |
I've been dating with M for about 6 weeks so far. We've met twice a week and talked to each other often, like every other day or so. It has been quite nice. I saw him right after I got back in town from a week long training and also he wanted to see me right after he came back from his a week long christmas family gathering. He has been giving me a lot of emotional/moral support on my career change as well. When I got into a car accident about 2 weeks a half ago while he was gone to see his family, he was very sympathetic about it and came right over to see me as soon as he learned that. We spent NYE together and he's never afraid to show me that he was interested. When I got so sick on New Year's day, he double checked on me a few times this week see if I needed anything.
However, on New year's day, he mentioned he "resigned" from OLD site without asking us to be exclusive. He's meaning of "resigning" was canceling the subscription but NOT taking down the profile. I've noticed he's been logging on every day still. ( I do know how to check it out without logging into my account and letting him know that I was looking his account)
Yesterday, on the phone, he mentioned again about him "being resigned" (although the OLD site did charged him for next 3 months). And he said, he's got an email from a woman who went to college in the same town where he went to. Then he said, he told her politely that he's off the market (meaning he's dating ME) BUT he could be her "friend". So they met, that's what he said.
I don't get the point of him telling me the story. First of all, he didn't not bring up the "let's be exclusive" talk yet. I am a little skeptical about this "honest" confession from him. I believe people tell PARTIAL stories to prevent others to see the truth. I basically didn't know what to say when he told me what he did.
Somehow, it's hard to explain, but it seems a red flag to me. I am still subscribing OLD but I haven't actively interact with anybody. I did meet a guy and speaking to another one on the phone and I know both of them wants to meet me in person but I was really focusing on him. Not to mention, I didn't pay attention to more prospects not just because I am pretty busy with work and M but I just wasn't interested.
I don't know what he's up for. I definately saw great potential in him. This is the first turn off ever since I started dating him.
What do you think? Help me out please.

I agree, that sounds a little fishy and I would be skeptical too.
One possibility, though, that occurs to me...have YOU said anything to him about wanting to be exclusive also? Maybe he's trying to find out if YOU are online, etc., before he takes his profile down, and he told you about this other woman to make you jealous and try to get you to commit to being exclusive. It's a stretch...but I suppose it's possible.
I think I've suggested before that an honest, open discussion about exclusivity and what that means to each of you is a good idea.
Sheri
Sheri,
I agree on that if he might be trying to find out where we are standing by throwing such thing on me. And that's quite a stretch. And it's possible like you said. Like everything's possible. I don't really think he's testing me if I'd be jealous over such matter.
According to him, by contacting/meeting in person with this woman was mainly for "friendship" since she's new in town and they went to college in the same town. He said he would like to help her meet up more people and possibly set her up with possible date/social gatherings. Also he said, he could avoid "future" trouble by confessing something early on which might have a potential to be one in a long run. He said, "I don't want you to ask one day how I met her and I don't want to answer you 'we met on OLD' then, and you might get mad and wonder why I didn't disclose it in the first place when we started dating"
With such a short time as 6 weeks of dating, like on my previous posting, it seems a bit premature to bring up "exclusive" talk yet. But it might be a good opportunity to figure out what's his expections and hopes are.
M is very social, extrovert, and flirtatious. It's just my assumption though, never have validated with him, but he seemed to want to expand his social circle by using OLD. Well my own speculation doesn't help. I don't want to end up over analyzing on this kind of matter.
Still it could be a deal breaker to me. I know I need to talk to him and spend more time to get things clearer.
If you have any question, let me know. Help me to help you to give me more feedbacks.
I dont find anything fishy or Red flag in his behavior.
He s been giving hints that he i ready to move away from OLD but from your post does not look like you were responsive. Let him know that you want to take down your profile and work on your relationship.
Be blunt and honest. If you were on OLD looking for a relationship, the natural progress of things is to go from dating many to focusing on one relation and see if it works. Dont mention exclusivity or anything. just say that having this "parasite" from OLD wont help you know whether you are fit together.
Make him understand that you are not committing to him yet but that you want to give your thing a serious shot! It is still early to commit but you definitely need a healthy environment if it was ever to work and if you both are not sure whether the other is still meeting/chatting/phoning with someone else that wont help.
best of luck
Juliara,
Thank you for your thoughts. I am relatively new in OLD. I've been on about a month in early 2005 and I came back after my first OLD relationship on late Oct. so it's been about 2 months and half so far. But I am not naive on dating.
I think I am ready to move on with him. Sorry I didn't mention in details about what I feel about M. I think I'd like to take down my profile, meaning not only canceling my subscription (which is valid till May )but also taking my profile out from OLD so people can't even search me there. As long as there's mutual agreement on feelings and hopes. Which hasn't spelled out yet. Like you said, hints are there but not an open/clear communication. My profile is on because I have not figure out where M and I are heading towards. I am not there to check out more prospects, at least not right now.
I have asked opinions on this board on my other posts.
I agree with you totally on that honest communication is probably the best way to sort things out. I've been presenting myself to M such way so far. I communicate directly, clearly, precisely. So far, I believe my intentions are clear to M as well.
He's actually coming over to my place at 3 pm and we will do some shoppings together to cook dinner. Maybe tonight we might be able to clear the gray area hanging over out path.
I will keep you guys posted.
hi all,
Little updates with M. He came over on Sat. afternoon to cook dinner together. We did grocery shoppings together and etc.
I wanted to clarify what he's looking into in our relationship. But I didn't. As soon as he walked in to my house, I could tell how much he's been waiting for the moment to see me and I am sure he felt the same vibe from me as well.
I think I will wait some more then hopefully something will happen to lead us to the discussion.
By the way, we shared Sake over the dinner and he did the toast "for the new relationship", to me sounds something positive but we will see.
Also, I want to say this Message Board is a great support. I am glad I found this. Thank you all,
J