Update on last week

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-28-2004
Update on last week
34
Thu, 11-10-2005 - 10:12am

Last week, I had posted about someone contacting me through Yahoo. Like the big stooge I am, I signed up on the 7-day free thing Yahoo was offering and responded to this person. To date, he has not contacted me again.

To say the least, I today cancelled my subscription and there was a section where you could tell Yahoo why you were cancelling. That's all I needed. LOL

I wrote Yahoo and suggested that someone in their personals section should write an article on "ghosting" and how rude it is. Just because your behind a computer screen gives a person no reason to be rude. I also told them (as was suggested by someone who responded to my post of last week) that sometimes I wonder if they don't have an employee that sends messages to people just to get people to pay the $20.

Anyway, I let Yahoo have it and I feel better now. I still have my profile up, but no way am I paying any service again. Future contacts will just have to figure out that I'm not a member.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-19-2004
Thu, 11-10-2005 - 12:56pm

Sure I assume there are some unethical things that go on.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 07-20-2001
Thu, 11-10-2005 - 2:13pm

I've been doing some thinking about this whole argument about accountability when it comes to dating online. I actually think some guidelines could be enforced in a way that might make it more difficult for the "players" out there to stay online just for "kicks".

If any of you have ever bought or sold anything on ebay, you are familiar with their rating system for transactions. The more positive comments you get, the more your reliability goes up for doing business with. Likewise, if you get some negative comments, you're not likely to get as many people wanting to buy whatever you're trying to sell. I think a similar concept COULD be used on Match.com and other dating sites that use some "pseudo" mechanisms for hooking people up.

Let's forget a rating system for the positive encounters you might have with a prospect or date. There would be no point in that. But, say the site set up guidelines or rules as far as participants who have a profile online. If every person joined with the knowledge that if they didn't make some kind of regular contact with someone they have mutual interest in, (after initial contact has been made), that that person could indicate the other person "ghosting" to the administrator. Perhaps it might not be a good idea to share that knowledge with other people with profiles. Then after 3-4 messages to the site administrator when someone doesn't get back with them after establishing contact, someone from the site might have an e-mail sent to the perpetual "ghoster". After say, 5 or 6 negative feedbacks, said ghoster would be banned from the site.

Perhaps, something like this MIGHT work; possibly not, but I'd be willing to bet if something like this was implemented, that you'd see fewer and fewer PLAYERS on the boards. And I might add, that it would go for both sexes--not just males, although I'm willing to bet the bigger culprits would be men.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-17-2002
Thu, 11-10-2005 - 2:24pm
But again, you ignore the point that some people prefer ghosts to the "thanks but I don't really like you" email. I prefer that in the early stages and I don't find it that objectionable. There are many, many people that don't. There are many people that want that email which is fine. But do you think it is fair to hold everyone to the same standard just because some people prefer it? I don't want that email and don't hold it against someone when they don't send it. Like Sheri, I can infer from their silence they are not interested. Besides, they don't know me and I don't know them - they owe me nothing. I think enforcing that kind of standard is 1) never going to happen and 2) unnecessary. Ghosts are going to happen - don't take it so personally.

131.gif image by y_baros th5K.gif image by jade_simo

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-28-2004
Thu, 11-10-2005 - 2:32pm

That's an interesting concept. Could you imagine people talking about how they got kicked of Yahoo personal because their "ghost rate" was a ten or something! LOL

Anyway, I personally just know I would rather pay someone to shove bamboo shoots under my fingernails than pay for a bunch of guys to ghost on me. I wish I could be like other posters here and not let it get to me. To expect our fellow man to be rude is not the way I like to meet people. I meet people with a "wariness" that they could be rude.

I was thinking about this on my lunch hour while eating my bowl of nutritious oatmeal (LOL) and it's too bad one couldn't approach this subject in their profile. Something like...ghosts need not apply, or while your describing yourself being able to say something like you're a "closure" kind of person and you don't like to be left hanging.

Anyway, this is the kind of subject that you end up saying "people are different" and people don't owe courtesy to other people, but it would be nice.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-28-2004
Thu, 11-10-2005 - 2:36pm
By the way.....it was a great discussion!!!
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-20-2001
Thu, 11-10-2005 - 2:44pm

I totally agree with you and firmly believe that the concept of "no consequences" perpetuates this thinking of "no big deal" to some people. If these web sites are going to impose rules (and FEES) for the usage of their sites, then they should be able to weed out some of the players or ones not serious about any of it. I don't really think that is such a delusional concept if you think about it.

What it should support is some kind of understanding between the people involved. You can let someone else know that they are not a match without being rude. I still contend that the simple line of that they want to pursue other options or someone who lives closer is preferable to ghosting any day. Leaving someone hanging with no closure should not be an option for people trying to date online. If there was a list of responses (such as I've seen on yahoo) such as, distance was too far, or some other canned reason, at LEAST the other person could get over them and move on without wondering if they will contact them again or not. I know there are a lot of bugs to what I propose here, but I do believe something could be implemented to curtail a majority of the ghosting or perhaps make OLD appealing only for those serious in wanting to meet someone.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-19-2004
Thu, 11-10-2005 - 2:46pm

No thanks.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 06-01-2005
Thu, 11-10-2005 - 2:50pm

The local internet site that I met my current BF on is called Louisvillemojo.com.

CL-Truewild1969

For further information regarding OLD including FAQ please visit our OLD Website at;

Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 11-10-2005 - 3:16pm

You wrote: "Leaving someone hanging with no closure should not be an option for people trying to date online."

YES IT SHOULD!!!! Please don't impose YOUR preferences on me.

I hate getting thanks but no thanks emails, whether the canned ones or the condescending ones that people write themselves saying things like "I enjoyed meeting you but I don't think we are a match, good luck to you". I can't write what I say out loud to myself when I get one of these because it would violate TOS ;-).

I can move on just fine simply from the person not contacting me. No contact means not interested, it's as simple as that. I don't need "closure" from someone I've never even met or barely know, and I don't WANT it.

Sheri

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-28-2004
Thu, 11-10-2005 - 3:22pm
Wow! That surprises me especially since so many people just lie and could possibly get someone blacklisted that didn't do anything like Jennie said earlier.