Update on me
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| Wed, 12-13-2006 - 2:31pm |
Been around but afraid to post any update because as many times as I say that I know I am NOT being smart with all of this I get responses that harshly keep saying that I am NOT being smart with all of this and cannot understand why I continue. Well guess what I haven't a clue and readily admitted that too. So from the beginning I know I am weak with this man and no one needs to remind me please. With that said I continue with my update.
He is still hanging in there job wise and his numbers are good at this point. In the middle of November we talked on the phone for a few hours and you could tell he was in a good place with the job issue. I told him I knew when his mood changed that he was doing better so I was quite relieved and hope he continues to push himself. We talked about a lot of things that night and he ended up singing to me again as usual. I get so lost in that with him. I still keep my distance from him ( he initiated the phone call that night and comes on a regular basis to visit me at my desk ) I expect nothing and have been less disapppointed. No more tears and less heartache. Just every once in a while I will make a wish or ask the man upstairs....(no not God but my Dad)....if he could find it in his heart to open himself up to me. So I have attacked from another angle giving it one last shot. I am working off the old expression..."The way to a man's heart is through his stomach" and he has been my guinea pig for my fudge experiementation. Never been much of a cook/baker but without any $$ for Christmas I thought that fudge would make a devine gift for family and friends and have been making different types of fudge recipes and I have him taste test them for me. Now mind you this man is Diabetic (2) and he promised that with all the sugar that he would NOT go into shock on me. He wasn't too fond of the chocolate peppermint fudge and iffy on the one with coconut but continues to encourage me to continue....tee hee.
And to my next update....as of January 2nd 2007 I am calling a "Man Moratorium". In May 2005 I started eating healthy and lost over 70lbs. I stumbled in my efforts early this year and have had such a hard time getting back where I want to be and I have gained 25 of those lost pounds. What is causing this? My reaction to the men in my life. I can't lose the weight and worry about useless men at the same time. I have eliminated my friend in Florida purely because he lived too far away and with his 3 children and everything else he is doing 3000 miles away it was a lose lose situation. (See I do see things clearly and very strong to make the tough decisions) Even though he promised to visit me in March it just wasn't going to be enough for me. We have parted ways and I miss him like crazy but I know that it's for the best. At this time there isn't a single man in the picture and the best time to make sure I do not allow any man to come into the picture until I am done with my weight loss. My job is shaky here as it's possible it's moving to another state and I have no backup plan. I am focusing far too much on other things and not enough on the things that are vital to my health and well-being. Bill has exactly 2 1/2 weeks to make his move or he's gonna be left out in the cold till 2008. We all know the reality is he won't make that move (even though the fudge would do it if anything was going to work...)and my year will be free of any added burden and all about being that healthy sexy skinny broad.
When the year is over and I am skinny I will then place my profile back on the online matchmaking sites and actively pursue a beautiful man that will treat me like the diva that I am.
Thanks all for reading and I am quite excited about the coming year.
F

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Well, you know what you're doing and when you're ready to stop, you'll stop. It sounds like you've managed to detach a bit so that's good. I think the Man Moratorium is a good idea. Have you given any thought to how you're going to implement that with the guy at work?
Sheri
I seriously know there is little chance he will want more than a friendship with me so there really hasn't been any thought put into it in regards to what I would do with him and my moratoriam. He isn't going to want me that way and being friends is fine and works with the moratoriam. If he does I am not sure what my decision would be. It would be crazy to turn him down but my commitment to my health and well being is important too. He isn't going to force me to make that choice so it's a mute point.
F
(((hugs))) on the weight issues. They SUCK!
It's funny how the weight creeps back. I stayed so diligent for over a year and I felt good and looked phenomenal. Then one little tiny thing and I am off track and eating like you said every freakin thing!!! But I am so excited about the new year. Starting over is always a good idea.
Thanks!!
F
Your post was very inspiring. You sound like you have turned over a new leaf. Good for you!!! You said, "I am focusing far too much on other things and not enough on the things that are vital to my health and well-being." I am so excited for you...Please keep us updated on how your goals are coming along! Do you have short terms goals designed to keep you progressing?
The man moratorium is a great idea as long as you really rid yourself of that guy emotionally (which may be hard being that he's in your office). I spent the last year stripping my life of an X. Layer by layer, my attachment to him dissapated as I worked towards my own personal goals with a vengence. It was so hard. BUt the person I turned out to be was much better than who I was before...I feel so good now. I am certain that if you stick to your goals, you will be a lot happier. My advice is Don't try to make him happy anymore; He didn't even like your chocolate! There's someone for you out there who WILL.
Devorah
NO!! The man loved the chocolate!!! I will have to re-read that to make sure I get the right point across. I got very high marks......but it doesn't change a single thing in the long run cuz he has only 19 more days to make a move....lol
I am inspired and very excited about the new year. The man moratorium is going to be complicated as I have already had an ex return to my life yesterday and want to see me. I have to stay focussed on me now.....my health is at stake which includes physically, mentally and emotionally and my future job prospects as well because it would be so much easier if I was thinner. I haven't been truly thin since I was a teenager and if my memory serves me a man caused my heartbreak enough to gain all this weight. Okay so it's really my fault and I take complete acccountability for it but you know what I mean.
I am ready and I will definitely keep everyone posted. I plan on setting a website up with my progress to share with everyone. This keeps me honest and accountable for the success of all of this.
Thanks for the support!!!!
F
OK, I really am happy that you are feeling so positive about things for yourself.
But something is really bothering me.
Why in the world would you encourage a diabetic to be a FUDGE TASTER???
That's like getting an alcoholic to taste test for your micro brewery.
Yeah, maybe he won't go into a diabetic coma, but it's still going to have a negative impact on his system.
You're kidding right?? I'm being punked?? Where's the cameras?????????
Warning caps coming......
I DIDN'T ENCOURAGE HIM I ASKED HIM IF HE COULD AND HE SAID YES!!! HE IS A GROWN MAN OF 54 YEARS AND CAN MAKE HIS OWN GROWN UP DECISIONS NOW CAN'T HE?? OR ARE YOU GOING TO FIND IT YOUR BUSINESS TO DISAGREE WITH THAT WISDOM???
Dang I hate this board anymore.
F
p.s. Just for sake of argument I also share daily with him my mandarin oranges which he is less than enthused about but does it because he knows it's good for him so I know what's good for him. AARRGGHH...again defending myself here.
Would you offer an alcoholic a shot - after all, they're a grown up and can decide for themselves, right?
Friends just don't offer poisonous temptation. If you're really his friend, why would you even offer it in the first place?
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Well, I disagree with the theory, but I don't know that I'd call it wisdom. LOL
Fluff, please don't take this the wrong way but I too wondered about the diabetic thing... And maybe it's because I'm sensitive to it as my father was a diabetic who would slip into comas. He was a grown man (now dead) but he could not find it in himself to refuse anything with sugar. It was almost like an addiction.
I understand your frustration with the board at times, but also realize that if you post publicly, you may get some people who will not agree with you. And it's not a personal thing (unless they attack you of course) but that's what we're all here for--opinions. :o)
I hope you take this the right way as you're one poster I love to read about and wouldn't want you to be upset by what I said...
And kudos girl on the weight loss as well as the re-commitment. I know it's hard gaining it back but at least you didn't gain it all back so pat yourself on the back for that one! =o)
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