Update on my continuing OLD adventures
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| Thu, 01-18-2007 - 11:55am |
So, it appears the Rescheduler has disappeared again...I'm more annoyed than anything else, since we went out a bunch of times and I feel like he "should" have told me that he didn't want to see me any more rather than just disappearing. But you can't make people do the right thing, so oh well, I'm trying to just let it go.
Anyway, I put up another CL ad about a week ago and have been fielding a bunch of responses. Because of all the ice on the roads here I didn't end up meeting anyone until yesterday...originally I had meets scheduled for Tues and Wed but the Tues one got rescheduled because of the weather. So I ended up having two meets yesterday and both were really good.
The first was actually with a guy who answered my CL ad back in Sept but he was living in another city and planning to move back here soon. At my suggestion, we emailed once a week or so just to keep in touch while he was firming up his plans. Anyway, he's now here and we had just a great meet. He even brought me presents, LOL, including a CD he'd made for me! They were intended as a thank you for being so patient (his move was delayed a couple times). We really seemed to hit it off and had a great time talking...and we have 2 more dates scheduled (we're going to a sports bar to watch the Pats/Colts game on Sunday and then I invited him to a concert I have tickets for on Monday--normally I wouldn't see someone new 2 nights in a row but I thought he'd really enjoy this concert so I figured what the heck). He even called me right after I got home to say how much he'd enjoyed meeting me and that he couldn't wait to see me again. Now that's how a guy who's interested behaves ;-)! It could be overwhelming but it's not--he seems really grounded, just enthusiastic about me. Anyway, we'll see what happens of course, but it's nice to feel excited about someone new.
The 2nd guy was quite nice also. I didn't feel quite the instant connection I did with the first guy but I definitely felt enough of a connection that I want to see him again. He's going away this weekend but asked me out again for either Sun or Mon, and I had to turn him down. But we're going to talk when he gets back and plan another date.
So now I'm trying to decide if I even want to meet any of the other guys--there are a few others who I was planning to meet but now I don't really feel I want to bother--none of them seem as good on paper, if you will, as the two guys I met yesterday. But I know from experience that things may not work out with either of these guys so I should probably meet the others.
Sheri

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Ugh, that is a tough one. But yes, I think that your idea of discussing your dating philosophy and all is a good idea. As we all know, there are a lot of people out there that don't like or don't believe in dating more than one person at a time. That is perfectly OK but it's important for them to understand that other people don't necessarily share that same philosophy. It's not that someone that doesn't share it is intentionally hurting them or playing around on them, it's just different from their philosophy. I think it also comes more when you have been doing OLD for a longer time and you know that someone can and probably will vanish at any moment so you prefer not to put your eggs in one basket until you are quite sure it's a good idea.
So yes, I think that approaching the subject of dating philosophies very soon is a good idea. You're also a big proponent of talking about what your relationship goals and philosophies are so I say go for it. :-) Good luck.
Thanks. Yeah, I'm not sure where the reluctance to talk about this topic and/or the guilt is coming from. I guess I am a little afraid that he will take it personally or decide he doesn't want to date me any more, but if that's the case then we're just not a good fit after all.
We have talked about relationship goals though (in general of course, LOL!) and are on the same page with that ;-).
Sheri
Well, don't you hate it when people quote you back to you? But to do just that, if this guy is really the one for you, then nothing you say is going to scare him off. ;-) Good luck with this one. I really do hope that things work out well for you because you are very due and I know your frustrations recently.
I just gotta say that I hope that some of the luck you, Stacey, Peanut and Kerry (some of our longest-term posters) are having will rub off on me. :-) All of you are starting your year out on the right foot dating-wise!
No, actually, I don't mind at all, because it's true and I need to remember that ;-)!!! In any event, thanks for the good wishes--we shall see!
And yes, I hope that some of this rubs off on you as well--even if things don't work out for me with either guy, it's nice to be reminded that there are good guys out there.
Sheri
After reading the dialogue after I posted my original reply, I changed mine.
Can I ask you a question and can you answer it honestly but not just because it’s what you need to do to feel secure. This relationship feels different for you, it’s very easy and natural – why not just date him and see what develops. Don’t bring up the TALK until you get more intimate or about to in other words. Nothing wrong with saying to B2 I met someone and want to SEE WHAT DEVELOPS if not if you’re still available let me contact you.
You know you're right about continuing to look for other guys - keep the hopper filled, so to speak. I think I had a high of 12 different guys I was talking to online one two week period, and some of them just faded away, some of them I saw and didn't like and, I suppose, vice versa. So I'm currently talking to 2, neither of whom I've met.
I'm glad this works for others, but as I said earlier today, I'm just not getting it. Am I expecting too much? Does true love not really exist after 40?
That's a good question--but I do honestly think that I do want to go out at least one more time with bachelor #2 and possibly one or two other guys I've met and liked who for various reasons were slow in planning another date but who have now reappeared (but of course I wouldn't feel like I was missing as much of an opportunity with those guys if i didn't see them again). I like what I know about R (bachelor #1) so far but I want to give it a little more time before I foreclose other options.
Anyway, I did schedule a date Friday night with one of the reappearing guys but we'll see how that goes and also date 2 with B2 ;-), if and when that happens (he hasn't called back to arrange it since we spoke Tuesday so who knows, it could be a moot point). I'm not sure when I'll see R again since he's over in Spokane right now but it will be some time this weekend and I'll just see how I'm feeling then and whether I feel it needs to be talked about.
But I agree that if I just decide to stop dating other people before we discuss and agree to exclusivity, that doesn't need to be a "talk".
Sheri
I operate under the assumption that the other person is dating other people. I will leave it up to the other person to ask and I will answer honestly otherwise I don't volunteer. I have asked the women I have seen if they are dating others and some have volunteered that information. All that is OK since I have not really found "the One" anyway.
Mark
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