Update On My Ghosts
Find a Conversation
| Fri, 02-25-2005 - 9:21pm |
Hi,
To all who read and gave advice on the "You know I Think This...." thread I have an update on the two guys who ghosted on me.
If you remember I said I sent two emails to these guys for disappearing on me and got mixed reviews on doing that. In hindsight I am glad I went with my heart and not my head on this and lashed out like I did. It may have done some good. Not much, but some. To clarify (since both these guys left Yahoo afterall- keep reading...) I want to make sure that I say I didn't curse or make any veiled threats to them. It was more of a "calling out" on things like having morals and character which were stated over and over in their profiles.
The first guy talked extensively to me then cancelled a date at the last minute. Weeks later he comes back and gives me a story that this computer was hacked and lost all of his contacts (phone too?? WHY did I give him a second chance?) Well, he made another date and this time stood me up. I also told a mutual friend we have in common about what he did to me. He couldn't understand it either - said it was totally out of character for him. THEN the "ghost" signs up for Match.com too. I am not a member there but saw his profile that said in the title "I quit playing games in high school"...(Whaaa???) I was so mad after what he did and then seeing he signed up on another site....well, I just couldn't control myself and fired off an email after reading that. Within 48 hours he was GONE from both Yahoo and Match.
I talked to my friend and showed him the email. I asked "was it something I said?" LOL (He said I nailed it, BTW). It was actually a strange coincidence - my email went out and then on TOP of that his own daughter saw the profile and went ballistic. He heard through the grpevine that his daughter's friend saw it and was like, "Is that your DAD??" Apparently everyone in his circle knows now and is not happy. He was even on at least THREE sites. He is good looking and successful and I was suspect that he needed to even look for internet dates in fact. One of those too good to be true guys. Apparently his daughter knows better too as no college age girl is going to give her dad a hard time for legitimately "looking for love online" if he really is having a hard time meeting a woman. I think he was looking for a lot more and was running over the "nice" girls like me he met and never looking back.
Really makes me wonder what most of these guys are really on here for too.
I will start another post for guy #2.
Deborah

Ok...Ghost #2
This was the guy I really liked and started to trust. (see the other thread I posted on) I was shocked when he did it as he knew my history with meeting flakes on the internet, seemed SO honest,sincere and understanding AND kept making dates with me. I definitely had a crush at this point - we had two dates and plans for a third, but I had NO expectations for a relationship yet. But I DID expect him to keep his word and call/see me when he said he would. Never did and disappeared.
He got more of a "I'm hurt" email rather that the one who did the stand up which got much worse. I did make a few insuations about character and morals (or lack of) though as it was all over his profile. Within a week to ten days his profile is gone from Yahoo too. Not hidden, but deleted. Yesterday I check Match and what do you know....there he is.
Completely revised though and that was what is interesting. NO references to romance, long term relationship, his outstanding morals and character and what an overall great guy he is. Just that he's "active". Has one of those profiles that goes on and on about activities (makes you tired reading it even- Yawn) and wants to have Fun, Fun, Fun. (Fun may be his way of saying SEX) He definititly comes across as a TOTALLY different person.
That is what is so baffling. Based on this NEW profile I probably never would have contacted him or responded in the first place if he wrote this stuff. I was interested in the guy with the morals! Where did he go? Maybe others gave him a hard time too about what he was saying, or he even has a conscience? I don't know, I don't want to read too much into it but it IS an interesting turn of events.
On that note, why DO these guys change sites like this? I see many men on multiple sites, I understand the exposure thing, but there may be more to it I think after what happened to me. The women don't do it nearly as often....Do these guys think all of the women on the site "have their number" so to speak and they move on? Any feedback on this would be much appreciated. Thanks, Deborah
Hi Deborah,
Large, Industrial sized Hug to you! Wow, and I thought my planet spun in the galaxy of drama!
First, I am SO glad you went with your own instincts and did as you wanted to. I do not think anyone on this board is here to control the actions of anyone else, we just give our opinions with in an honest and caring manner.
I am continually amazed at how Much more of a dog these men can BE (my apologies to canines worldwide, mind you! :) In the case of the first man, he was a big gamer and realized you were not a 'playing field' without significant Intelligence, so he actually Paid you a compliment by vaporizing! It was a hurtful, moronic way to do that, none the less!
As for the second, and their appearing on other sites later, I wonder if they think the bangs I have Hide my lobotomy scar, as I would have to be Dumb not to notice! Do you NOT wish you could warn other women about these men? In junior high, we had anonymous "slam" books; a spiral notebook with your name on it, and it was passed around school and people wrote about you--good or bad, or Awful-lol!--but you never knew Who wrote What! So, how about a site called "www.oldslambook.com" Cool that,huh!? I guess it is not our place to do that, but, Man would I Love to sometimes!
At 48, and with what life dealt me before 18, that I have gleefully overcome, I have a pretty thick shell, and I have 'armadillo armored" it further, in my 7 months on OLD--it is a Neccessity! But, I do think and empathize for a woman with less stamina thereof and how awful they might feel.... :(
I know this to be true: many of these men (and women!) will continue this "use and lose" pattern and our best defense it communicating as you have done, Thank You! Until that day that we might meet the "2% partner", as I think that is about what my odds are of finding a Real man on OLD!
So, to that, I say, "To Thine Own Self Be True" and "Roll on, Little Rock!" (the first is not mine, the 2nd Is a cupcake-ism and I hope it helps us All! :)
My wishes for Much better for you in the future!
Truly,
Cupcake
1. Females have just as many dual profiles as males.
2. Females disappear just as frequently as males.
3. Sending flamers to ghosts is a bad idea - since if they come back, apologize and you go out the trend is definitely for them to diappear again - so all you do is invite them back to reject you once again.
4. Ghosting occurs for many reasons - among them: too many prospects, old flame re-appears, not willing to meet in person, already dating an online person.
My best advice about ghosts? Treat 'em like snakes and don't touch them in any size, shape or form....
Edited 2/26/2005 7:16 am ET ET by lg1964