Update on my match.com dates

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-15-2003
Update on my match.com dates
8
Tue, 07-15-2003 - 10:51am
Hi all,

Well Joe had originally asked me out for our 2nd date for this coming Friday, but then he called me last night (and I was still at work) and said if I might not want to go out last night - very spur of the moment. I decided to go for it and he drove all the way up to where I live (an hours drive for him), since I'd driven down to where he lived last time. We met in the downtown of where I live and went to a local pub for dinner and drinks.

I had another great time and he rather nervously confessed he felt a lot of chemistry between us (awww!) but wasn't entire sure about it yet. It was so cute how nervous he was to say that. I admitted I felt the same. :o) At the end of the evening he was a gentleman and gave me a kiss on the cheek.

Well anyway, I'm liking Joe a lot and I didn't feel quite the same connection with Kelly, whom I was going to see this Saturday. All he wanted to talk about was skiing and such and I'm not outdoorsy. So I emailed him to cancel our date on Saturday. I didn't feel right going through with it now that I feel Joe and I have started to make a connection. In fact I will turn off my match.com profile until I see where things go with Joe and I.

Anyway .. just wanted to update you all on this situation! :o)

Gabi

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 07-15-2003 - 11:20am
Wow- it's interesting to see different approaches - I typically will not do spur of the moment for a second date unless it is a concert ticket, etc and I would never, ever change one iota of my dating life based on two dates - or even four dates - until we are exclusive, I am out there, dating - I refuse to put all my eggs in one basket. I think it is cute he commented on the chemistry but I am surprised that you hid your profile even though he said he's not sure - would be interested in hearing about your thought process on that one.

I hope you continue to have fun with Joe!

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-16-2003
Tue, 07-15-2003 - 11:34am
Oh, Gabi! Im so happy for you. Well, I think that is best. Just see where things go with JOe and the if things dont work out, well get back to the drawing board. When meeting in person, the chemistry is either there or it isnt. Not something you can force. SO, let things flow and see where it goes with Joe. Goodluck and please, keep us posted!!!



WOO HOO for Gabi!

Gail

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-15-2003
Tue, 07-15-2003 - 2:27pm
Hi Deena,

Well we all have different dating styles I suppose. But I just have a very hard time focusing on more than one guy at a time - just the thought of dating more than one just makes me feel terribly guilty (I know its psychological but I can't help it).

I hid my profile because I get 500+ views a week and tons of emails and once I start focusing on one guy I don't want to hear from others. Now of course things might not work out with Joe. But until I know that for sure, I'd rather focus on him and see where it goes and then reactivate my match.com account if and when things don't work out with Joe.

Here I am in my 30s and I've never dated more than one guy at once, so its not something I think I'd ever get used to.

Plus the guy I ended up cancelling the date on I already had doubts about our compatability anyhow. He would have been fun for awhile but not long term, and Joe has a lot more long term potential - hopefully he thinks I do as well. :o)

Hope that helps you understand my thought processes a little better :o)

Gabi

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 07-15-2003 - 5:19pm
Oh - I understand - am just surprised - particularly if you want children - putting all those "ticking" eggs in one basket . . . . . hmmm. I guess it also depends how soon sex enters the picture - I don't have sex for at least the first few months and not until we're exclusive so there is no issue there for me. I have no guilt feelings at all - particularly with respect to online dating since typically the man is dating several women at once - never assume exclusivity!
Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 07-15-2003 - 5:30pm
I think each of us needs to do what's comfortable. I personally tend to get ahead of myself if I'm just focusing on one man, rather than dating several early on, so it's self-protective on my part!

Just be careful not to assume that Joe (or any other guy you date) feels the same way...always discuss it. Many women seem to make the assumption that because a man sleeps with you, he's not dating other women...sometimes it's true, but very often, it's not. If exclusivity and monogamy are important to you, it's crucial to ask rather than assume.

Of course, you may well do this, and if so I'm preaching to the choir ;-).

Sheri

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-15-2003
Tue, 07-15-2003 - 5:53pm
Deena,

Well actually I don't want children - and don't have many eggs left anyhow. Its been a challange in dating since many of the men who seem attracted to me also want children. Not an issue with Joe (whew).

I like to take my time ... I don't care if I never get married ... I'd rather be alone that with the wrong one.

Gabi

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-15-2003
Tue, 07-15-2003 - 5:59pm
I've learned that lesson the hard way - I was once in a relationship where I assumed he felt as I did. Boy was I wrong! And don't worry I don't sleep with a guy this soon (anymore anyhow). Maybe in a few weeks ... depends on what we've discussed and where we feel like its going.

Thanks for the advice and concern all :o)

Gabi

Avatar for jayecey
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 07-15-2003 - 10:18pm
There's a lot to be said for spontaneity and I'm glad you took the plunge :) It wouldn't work with just anyone but the two of you seemed to click and that's great! Enjoy Gabi!

Jayecey