Update re. initiating contact

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-05-2003
Update re. initiating contact
3
Tue, 09-23-2003 - 10:00pm
Well, I did it. Today I initiated contact with 3 men and one has already replied. We'll see now how it goes from here.

jhoover

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iVillage Member
Registered: 08-07-2003
Tue, 09-23-2003 - 10:30pm
Good for you! Hope things go well for you. :-)

ginger

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-05-2003
Wed, 09-24-2003 - 2:22pm
Thanks ginger. I'm so flattered that you're keeping up with my dating exploits ;-).

I sent a tease (or a wink as they're known on other sites). He wrote an email saying that he liked my profile. He also made reference to something that I wrote near the end so I know he actually read my essays. It's so obvious that some men just look at the photo. Either that or they really don't care what you wrote. For example, I don't like using IM on the dating sites and say so in my profile. The exact wording is "I am not comfortable using IM." I've had 23 guys IM me in the last few weeks. Obviously they either didn't read my profile or they have no respect for my comfort levels. On the site that I use, you have to be a paying member to use onsite email and/or IM so if they're using IM I know they can also email - they just can't be bothered.

Anyhow, this guy and I appear to have many shared interests and are looking for many of the same qualities in a partner. The only thing that concerns me right now is that in his email he said that he's shy (that's why he uses online dating). I'm also shy so I don't know how that's going to work for us. I'm usually attracted to outgoing men - but since those relationships don't seem to work for me maybe I will have better success with a shy guy. Who knows?

I still haven't heard anything from the other 2 guys I contacted. I noticed that they have since viewed my profile so either they're not interested (and are ignoring my message rather than actually say "no thanks" or they're still thinking about it). I also re-contacted someone I had been corresponding with a couple of months ago. I was dating J (the 2 1/2 month guy) and didn't want to date others so I told him I couldn't continue contact with him (didn't give the actual reason - just said something about bad timing).

In retrospect, I realize that I became exclusive with J too early into the relationship - before I knew that we were right for each other. So now I'm taking a different approach and I'll date more than one at a time (assuming I find more that one I'd like to actually date) and become exclusive only once I've developed an emotional connection with someone.

jhoover

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iVillage Member
Registered: 08-07-2003
Wed, 09-24-2003 - 3:08pm
Hi jhoover,

You're welcome! :-) You're definitely right, some guys don't even read the profiles - after all the thought and re-writing I put into it!

Anyway, as for the shy guy, I say give it a shot. The worst that can happen is you meet him and discover it doesn't work. But maybe things will work out - sometimes I think it's a good idea to try dating someone different from the type of guy you usually go for - especially since your usual type (outgoing) is different from you (shy). I am also somewhat shy, and I've dated both outgoing and shy guys, and with both, sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn't. I do remember dating one guy who was painfully shy and reserved and that didn't work - after a half dozen dates, he had hugged me only once, never a kiss - I felt like we were becoming buddies rather than dating. But I've also dated some shy guys who came out of their shell after a few dates and things worked out fine.

Good luck - keep us posted! :-)

ginger