Update re. Seeking advice re. current ..
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|Sat, 08-23-2003 - 10:59am|
We got together one evening last week. I suggested that we go out to eat but he said he already had dinner plans with his family. I then suggested that perhaps later we could go for a walk rather than rent a movie and he agreed. I didn't discuss our relationship (mostly because I chickened out) but we did talk and what he said was quite revealing.
He is at risk of losing his job due to a takeover at his company. I knew this since our first date but up until now he made light of it. This time he finally revealed that he has been very anxious and worried. He has been looking for a new job but no luck as yet. He is very worried about how he's going to cover his expenses (rent, tuition, car payments etc.) It became obvious that he really can't afford to go out to too many places. My treating is out of the question - believe me I've tried. (Earlier I posted a question re. the fact that he always insists on paying). He won't even accept a dollar from me. (But I did buy him a gift once, which he accepted and appreciated).
He also said that as much as he doesn't want to, he might consider moving several miles away if a job becomes available at his company's new head office. When he said this I decided that talking about exclusivity and our future might be too much to deal with at this point.
The last poster commented that I need to see his behaviour in public. We have actually been out in public and have twice eaten in a restaurant (the first week we dated). I did make note that he is very curteous to waiters. Truth is, he does have a strong character. He has many admirable qualities. Conversing with him is not boring and he is not a boring person. But what we do together has become boring.
Regarding meeting the family and friends. I wasn't sure if this was concerning so I wanted to hear what others thought. Certainly if our future is unknown there's no rush to involve the other significant people in our lives.
Now, the online ads. I really don't think that he goes online to actively seek out dates. I think he probably does it for the same reasons I do (curiousity, habit, to check if he's been online). I did get an email recently from someone who might be interesting to know but I haven't responded to him yet. I'm now thinking that maybe I shouldn't have put all my eggs in one basket so early. The problem is that while dating more that one guy is something I normally would do (assuming more than one guy interests me, which is hardly ever) - I can't do it if I've already become physically intimate with someone - which I have in this case.
I'm still trying to sort out how I feel about this relationship. Thank you for listening and any other thoughts or comments are welcome. I'll keep you posted.