Update from a Transient Poster
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| Sat, 12-17-2005 - 9:50am |
I like this board and would like to really become part of the community. I posted about a year ago about a guy who wanted to drive two and a half hours to meet me. I was given great advice here that I said I would follow but didn't. I met with him and we became boyfriend and girlfriend for about a year. We broke-up recently. He just walked-out the door, like he'd done before, without a word for about a month. Well, I owed him $ so I sent him a check. The next day he called me wanting to see me. He's been trying to get me in the sack but I've consistently turned him down. He says he wants a relationship but with no expressed feelings. I know it's a dead-end relationship. My concern is for his daughter and dog. He's not a very nice person, but I don't know what to do about it.
At any rate, I posted about three-four weeks ago about getting a profile up. I honestly wasn't so quick to jump the first few times he walked out on me, but after awhile my commitment level to him steadily declined. Now I'm talking to a guy who I might really like. He really seems to consider other people's feelings, including mine. Of course, I'm not putting any stock into the situation yet and I'm fine being on my own, but it is nice to know I have options again.
Well, I just wanted to say hello and thank you. I wish I'd listened to you guys, although I am in a better living situation now, sans the bf. You give good advice here.

I like this board and would like to really become part of the community. I posted about a year ago about a guy who wanted to drive two and a half hours to meet me. I was given great advice here that I said I would follow but didn't.
What was the advice they gave you and the situation?
You went out a year that's pretty successful - most relationships don't end in marital bliss, that is why we date to see how the shoe fits. Perhaps he does want a more serious relationship but something is missing for him but he likes your company so much it's hard to completely cut you off? Why did you two break up before you mailed him the check?
Cheers,
SP
I've been trying to remember the exact situation, even went into archives and couldn't find the posts. As I recall, the bare details were that he wanted to drive two and a half hours and the posters here thought I should meet him halfway, if at all. I can't exactly remember what I'd told them about him. I do remember he asked me if he could bring his five year old daughter. I didn't think that was a good idea. One poster said he was a terrible parent to bring his daughter on a first date. I agree. I don't recall what else I may have written about him now. At the time I remember thinking he talked about himself a lot. There were some definite red flags. Mostly, he wanted to talk on the phone everday, usually for long periods of time. It was too much, too soon.
The reasons we broke-up are many. I don't think I'm special to him; I think he's a predator and I was desirable, to him at least, prey. He's said regularly that he doesn't know if he's ever loved anyone. He said he never remembered his parents telling him they loved him. It's sad and I thought maybe he would learn what love was, but he's not open to it at all. I finally got fed-up with his behavior, crude, mean jokes in front of my kids, told him so and he walked out. I tried several approaches to making the relationship work, but the truth is he just wants things one way, his way. I think he's an abuser and abuses all those intimately connected with him, which is why I worry about his daughter and dog. I tried to pull him up but he was just pulling us down.
I wish I had something better to say.
I have something better to say. You got into a relationship, you evaluated the relationship, you decided the relationship wasn't good for you, you identified an abuser and you have left and moved on in a positive manner.
Congratulations, you are smarter than 90% of women out there. Give yourself a pat on the back.
Hi! And welcome back...
Don't worry about not following advice. I'm a firm believer that there are two types of people in this world -- those that learn from others advice and don't make the same mistakes and those that must go through the situation in order to learn the lesson. I am the latter type. No matter how great the advice is, I always have to make my own mistakes. So no worries! You are the wiser for it.
As far as becoming a part of our community, consider this your official entry in! LOL. Feel free to post, to lurk, to ask advice... whatever you like and want to do. And also consider coming to our chat on Monday evenings at 9pm EST. They're a lot of fun (at least in my opinion) and also a great way to meet some of the folks from the board in real time.
Again, welcome and I hope to see you around!
Kerry