Update..for any who may be interested...
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Update..for any who may be interested...
| Thu, 12-08-2005 - 3:54pm |
Ronnie and I have been dating for a little over three months.
| Thu, 12-08-2005 - 3:54pm |
Ronnie and I have been dating for a little over three months.
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Don't put yourself or your views down SBC! I feel exactly the same way that you do that I prefer the thrill and mystery of that early stage of the relationship to last a while. In my longest term relationship, we never moved in together, but even so, we broke up because we got so comfortable with each other. There was no "excitement" left. In my experience, taking it slow and getting to know each other is very exciting and fun.
However, if these ladies make a different choice and are comfortable with it, then that's fine! They have to do what they feel is right for them and if this is it, I hope it works for them.
I don't think it's maturity or lack of maturity that dictates this but rather your own personal views and comfort level of moving things along to the next step.
I am very happy for all those have made the choice to move in at the 3mth mark or whatever time.
But I cannot do it myself persay either. One I am guess old fashioned and want to be courted for the first 6mths- a year then I want a ring/commitment before i move in. I will move in once I am engaged w/ someone but not before. I have always been this way even w/ my first MARRIAGE.. and i have never cohabitated. For me it's not an option but the one's that are, i am sure they thougth it through and are completely happy w/their choices.
Also my sweetie has 2 kids and i have none- we are at 5 mths and that is a bit too soon to take kids on that much.. right now the weekends are baby steps for me.
And I am scared, scared of losing my space, my things, and if it didn't work out start all over again. iguess w/ a major commitment i feel more secure as well..but you know how that goes too..
Again happy for those that can do this and choose this route!
Hi Again everyone!
I knew by posting that I would get different POV.
CL-Truewild1969
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Keep us posted!
Stephanie
>>What does each individual want out of a relationship.
I'm a little dismayed and alarmed at the folks out here that seem to be implying that people who make the choice to move in quickly are somehow more "emotionally healthy" or in a better emotional place because they can do this. I'm not saying that is NOT the case for these folks, but I definitely don't think it IS the case either. As I said before, this is each person's comfort level and choice of when to introduce this factor into their lives as well as their children's. Some people are more cautious. Others jump in with both feet and don't look back. There is nothing wrong with either choice (to move in or to not) if you feel it is right for you at the time.
Jodie, it sounds like you have talked it out well and think that you have the stuff to make it work. With that, you have an excellent start.
Sara I'm a bit more concerned for several reasons not the least of which are that you jump into relationships fast and jumped into one with another quick jumper and the prior 3 marriages that also moved very fast. That and one of the first reasons you listed was distance - that's not a reason to move in with someone IMO. I'm not criticizing, but Sara, you know I've had reservations about your relationship with this guy from the start. But again, if this is what you want, good for you and hopefully it will work out.
Vexer, I agree with you wholeheartedly! I think Jodie's eyes are wide open & she's going into this in an "okay" place in her head, so to speak. It sounds healthy. I wouldn't move that quickly personally, but I'm a different person & it seems she has her head on straight about it. Way to go!
Yes, Sara I have concerns as to why you're doing this & your track record. Distance is NEVER a good reason to move in with someone. Think about it this way...let's say you were next door neighbors with this guy (or at least lived in the same neighborhood)...would you move in with him if that was the case? When I look back on the move-ins I made that were a good idea & those that weren't, I see, now, that distance played a HUGE role in the mistakes. The ones that were totally good ideas (even though they didn't work out in the end) were guys that I would have gladly shared my life with even if we had been next-door neighbors.
I think there's a list somewhere on the next with a list of what you should know about your significant other before living together or getting married. I'll try to look for that I post it, so you can go over the list & truly get a picture of how well you know this guy. Probably a good idea for Jodie, too, just for grins.
Hey, both of you may be making the right decision...just want you both to really think before you leap. I'm all about love, but also not about getting shafted! :)
Thanks for the concern and different point of view! :)) I feel good about what I am doing and my choices. My past serious relationships have mostly been long-lasting ones! I have been loved and loved others well. I don't feel badly about what has happened except that it has hurt me and my significant otehrs/husbands to break up the times I have felt I had to.....but hurting during breakups is part of life. Also, in answer to one statement I read,...I don't remember reading that anyone said that moving in with someone right away was *healthy* or healthier...maybe I missed a post...but I do wish people would realize what is good for one is not always good for another and we all may want to approach our lives, decisions differently....
Love to all! :))
Sara
"will move in once I am engaged w/ someone but not before. I have always been this way even w/ my first MARRIAGE.. and i have never cohabitated."
Honey, if you are living with him and not married (just engaged) you are cohabiting.
I really don't think a ring will make any difference as to the success of a living-together arrangement.
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