Updates...

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-02-2003
Updates...
3
Mon, 06-16-2003 - 12:28am
Ok, so a bit of an update. I kept my promise and didn't make contact for over a week. Well on Friday nite I was filling out one of those survey forwards that you send to all of your friends..and when I was forwarding it I accidentally clicked the box in my address book to send it to him!!!! At first I was freaking out, but then I didn't think too much of it b/c it was an innocent forward that I sent to all of my friends, and there was no reason for me to think we're not friends anymore right? So anyways, the next morning when I woke up there was an email from him. The first sign of contact in over a week. He basically said that he enjoyed the email and that there was a bunch of interesting stuff in there. That if he had time later that evening or the next morning he would fill it out too and send it back to me. And then, just to get me..he writes 'how are you doing anyways?'

I don't know. I never responded. And I haven't heard anything back from him either. Not that I expected to. I just don't get why he would waste his time writing that bit back to me. None of my other friends did. I had such a strong impulse to call him tonite but I didn't. What would be the point? It's obvious he has access to his email and I did see him online on msn today for a bit, I'm not sure how long, I wasn't at my computer very much. I guess I just don't know what to think. I mean all we are are friends. And that's ok with me. It's just that I always get the impression when I talk to him that he wants it to be more but cannot commit the time. And I am not okay with that.

I know that there could be a billion other reasons, and to many of you this may seem like the most insignificant detail. But it mattered to me. I think mostly b/c he did take the time to email me back. Because he did at least 'intend' to write me back later and b/c he does actaully realize that it has been a long time since we have spoken.

I am no longer suspicious of him but convinced that his work is his love. And no we haven't met yet, and I do think that at this point he should be doing everything in his power to make that happen. If he doesn't want to meet me then why does he want to keep me around? Why flirt if you have no intention of moving beyond friendship? I'm totally cool with being just friends. I just want to have that established you know? Because I totally get the vibe from both of us that we both have the interest for more... And if he was playing me if there was someone else involved, well wouldn't he still have tried to have met me by now b/c I'm sure that he would be hitting on me for more than my witty banter...I just feel like him not meeting me does show disinterest in me but when he emails back it counteracts that. But then the not meeting me counteracts the idea of there being someone else b/c if there was wouldn't he just be trying to get some action and the best of both worlds??

Anyways, I'm posting here b/c I am looking for some support and some advice. Please don't judge me though, I am critical enough of myself when it comes to this situation.
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-16-2003
In reply to: baristabitch
Mon, 06-16-2003 - 9:20am
Hey there girlie! Well, I am happy to see you stop contact and happy you have not responded back so soon. I honestly believe he has not emailed you, until you emailed him because he knows you may be alittle put off by him not meeting you and such. Guilty. lol He is trying to test the waters with you just now, to see how you are feeling about him and then pursue or not. I think you should just let him know if he still wants to meet, that would be okay for a coffee or something, but other than that, make it clear that you are not in the business of playing games. SO, he needs to be up front and honest if he is not serious about meeting. Just tell him, you dont mind keeping him as an email buddy, but just see how he is feeling about the whole thing. I would give it one more shot, and just be polite and say, "Either we meet this week, or you need to move on". Dont waste time on someone that cant be responsible enough to email you or be honest about things. I understand you are convinced he is serious about work, and all that. Just be sure he is not playing you and he is invovled with someone else. I would just make my request clear and up front with him, and let him know where you stand in this whole thing. Wasted time is a very bad thing. You can find someone else in a heartbeat, but the question is: Do you want to leave this guy alone? I would think about what you want here, and by all means go for it, if you feel he is worth it. Just make sure he is not involved and is serious about meeting. That is first. So, goodluck and let us know how it works out.

Gail

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
In reply to: baristabitch
Mon, 06-16-2003 - 11:48am
I think the best support you can give yourself is to keep your emotional and other distance from this person and to keep snapping a mental rubber band each time you spend more than 3 seconds thinking about him or anything to do with him - you can easily get in that circle of over-analysis and it is a waste of brain cells and stomach acid. And I mean that in a supportive way because I have been there and do not let myself go there anymore. I am more important - and my mental/emotional/physical health than any of that. Are you?
Avatar for thousandays
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-28-2003
In reply to: baristabitch
Mon, 06-16-2003 - 2:52pm
Something sparked me as I read your post. Lots of people flirt with their friends. It doesn't have to mean the person wants a relationship. Flirting is healthy, babies do it (and are frankly the best at it). I adore flirting with guy friends, keeps my skills sharp. So there is the possibility that he just enjoys talking to you and flirting with you but isn't interested in anything more. It's no reflection on you, it's on him. The fact the he hasn't really tried anything is kind of a sign in itself but I wouldn't waste too much energy trying to read into people's actions/words. Decide for yourself if he's worth sticking around, AS IS, and do what's best for you. It may be hard letting go of the man you wanted him to be but sometimes, that's the way it is. I've been there and I'm sure every other gal on here has been there too. You're worth more than this.
thousandays