Updates...Where's everyone at?

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-19-2005
Updates...Where's everyone at?
19
Mon, 08-07-2006 - 12:19pm

Just thought I'd throw the question out there this week. How's everyone doing these days? Are we going out for some great dates? Interesting news to report? Are you on a hiatus?

Let's see...I met someone on Match about a month ago and we've stayed in steady contact. May do something this week, but not sure just yet. He seems to be very nice, and we've had about six dates so far. Still a little early to tell what the future may hold, but I think he's a nice guy with some wonderful qualities. I like that he's on the modest side as well (what a rarity!).

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iVillage Member
Registered: 08-05-2006
Wed, 08-09-2006 - 8:10pm

I hope the future will be bright with your new acquaintance.

I am on a hiatus...I guessing people are less online during the summer due to the weather, and vacations. I'm not on any sites, but will renew some memberships in the fall. It's cold in the winter.:)

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-19-2005
Wed, 08-09-2006 - 8:46pm

LOL, actually, we had a conversation on the phone this afternoon where we were able to determine that he might have a touch of "commitment phobia". As it turns out, a few of his previous relationships fizzled out relatively quickly. He was quick to say he didn't want to repeat the past, that he wanted to get to know me better, has caring feelings... but still. It's not a good thing.

Thankfully, I have a pretty good sense of humor, and also someone else who I met on Match around the same time who I've been corresponding with a bit. In the end, it all works out as it should :)

I think you're right about winter, though. I think the dating sites are a bit slower in the summer what with everyone taking vacations and enjoying the sunshine. Winter is a great time to do OLD.

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-19-2004
Thu, 08-10-2006 - 12:59pm
I too am on hiatus from OLD. After my last experience in the spring (on yahoo) I'm in no hurry to jump back in. It just got too depressing. If I do it again, possibly in the fall, I'd definitely do CL. I did it once before and got a ton of responses, totally shocking me. CL has its drawbacks as do the other services, but at least it's free, and I'm starting to think the reason it's so popular --judging by the number of responses I, a 40-something gal, got-- is because it's free. Too many people are burned out from match, yahoo and eharmony; the attitude seems to be, well, at least with CL I'm not throwing money down the crapper. And frankly, although my CL ad did get messages from the freak brigade, no more so than on match/yahoo/lavalife (which I'm amazed is still around).
Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 08-10-2006 - 1:44pm

Yep, I agree--I'll just go back to CL also. The guys I met on there were pretty much the same, quality-wise (both good and bad, ha!), as on the paid sites, so why bother paying?

Sheri

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-05-2006
Thu, 08-10-2006 - 8:36pm

I met a guy last New Year's Eve (such a romantic time). I was a third wheel at gala that I was hesitant about attending...we ran into each other all evening, beginning with the parking garage to the place...he was easy to talk to...not a player...we exchanged numbers...he called the next day...we went out immediately on a rainy day and had a great time. My draw-back...he was 47, never been married and didn't have any children that he knew of. It was a month later that I figured out that he was committment phobic.

Thru different conversations I discovered that he only dated a person for six months. Worked a lot and said this is a problem for everyone else but him. Actually, he told me he could probably see me twice a month because of work, and I had been to place a few times. (I did have home number and cell numbers).

When we spent more than the usual two times a month and were feeling close to each other, he would do something stupid to sabotage it.

I just let it fizzle out by forcing him to make all first moves and not being available. By the way we fizzled out in the sixth month.

Bummer...but I can now recognize "commitment phobic". My guy would avoid the subject completely.

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-20-2001
Fri, 08-11-2006 - 12:02pm

I think these workaholic, commitment phobes are just another version of a player. They may not appear to be from the start because usually most women have in their mind that a "player" is someone who has several women on the string and feeding them all a line. These, usually 40 or older, men who work more than the average person may have a good work ethic, but they usually are single for a long time or possibly their whole life. They use work as an escape from having to deal with the pressures of a relationship. They cave when things get too serious or when a woman suddenly starts to expect them to act like a boyfriend. I was sort of involved with a guy like this. Same one who finally told me that he just didn't "need" a woman, and no he isn't gay.

I've learned that there are some people (men and women) who simply do not need intimate relationships with anyone. They are content (or pretend to be) with their workaholic lifestyles. Trouble is, they sometimes end up looking like possible dating material to interested outsiders. The guy I really cared about and wanted a relationship with (we did date a few times) was college educated, didn't have any bad vices, and was a hard worker. He had a lot of qualities I wanted in a guy, but he only opened his heart to me so far and that was it. Somehow, he and I have maintained a sort of "friendship" but I know it will never be anything more. I think he's a confirmed batchelor for life. Someday these men will be lonely old men with no one in their life, and they will have no one but themselves to blame for that. I hate to see a woman waste time on a guy like this. I wasted way too much time on that one.

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-05-2006
Fri, 08-11-2006 - 11:21pm

You are so right mitsy. At times I felt that I had wasted my time, but I didn't, I needed to know how to recognize a guy who was a workaholic and commitment phobic. he also used to give me crap about how he is looking for his best friend. I don't buy that either. He is looking for a woman who will settle. Not me.

Thanks.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-01-2005
Fri, 08-11-2006 - 11:51pm
I've been on a candidate for worst business trip ever, and I have two more in the next two weeks. So yeah, I guess I'm on an online dating hiatus for a few weeks. I wouldn't subject a stranger to my mental instability and lack of clean clothes right now. :-)



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iVillage Member
Registered: 10-11-2005
Sat, 08-12-2006 - 2:17pm
Hi all,
I'm still here, mostly lurking. Overall, dating has been a huge disappointment for me. Just last week I met the man who inspired the 40 year old virgin movie(just kidding...I don't think he would have admitted to that). I find that interesting men are also not too interested in putting any effort in, and those who have available time on their hands are not made of much that interests me. After my membership on eharmony runs out in October, I believe I will be ALL DONE. To those of you who are having fun with many dates and have found someone special, congrats and best wishes! Hopefully the rest of us will find companionship through other means.
E

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