Uptdate 4 : Well here I go again

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-15-2003
Uptdate 4 : Well here I go again
Wed, 07-30-2003 - 12:29am
Hi all,

Well I had my 2nd date with Steve - we went to see the Tomb Raider movie that just came out. He was again a perfect gentlemen, even gave me a rose and just a few quick pecks on the lips.

Yet for some reason by the end of the evening I was feeling very uncomfortable and just lots of bad vibes - but he never did or said anything for me to feel that way. But for some reason my instincts are screaming at me about it.

What should I do? Try one more time and see if my instincts keep screaming or just tell him I'm not interested? Basically right now all I am is confused about my feelings.



iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 07-30-2003 - 8:10am
I recently went through a very similar experience on a second date - what I had seen on the first date as creativity, warmth, etc I now saw as instability/potential depression (he had the most amazing eyes - easy to lose yourself in them but I stayed grounded!) - I "had to" give him one more chance - because I had liked him so much on the first date and knew he was harmless and a gentleman. On the third date i was no longer interested so that was my answer.

also, let it gel for awhile - the vibes might transform in your mind into an actual reason - you just might need time to process - some questions for you - is he "too nice" - does he seem sincere, what is his body language like? did he express any negativity - direct or indirect - about his family or work colleagues? any stories that included him being violent or overly confrontational/aggressive?

You might be the poster who blocked me but I figured I'd post - maybe even if you will not see it others will and it might help.

Good luck!

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-20-2003
Wed, 07-30-2003 - 8:25am

Difficult to say. I would always go after my instincts and if they say NO, well, then he is not the guy. I just wonder how that happened if you say you had a good second date (was is just the movie or have you been for a drink afterwards?) and taking into consideration that you already talked for hours when you met first.

How did you part after the date? Already arranged a certain activity or just the usual "I will call you"?

All the best!


iVillage Member
Registered: 04-16-2003
Wed, 07-30-2003 - 9:14am
Gabi, there had to be something about him that made you uneasy. Are you completely attracted to him? Does he have some gestures you are nervy about? Do you wish him to be more aggressive and he isnt? Are you...uh....Pmsing. No offense. I am just asking, since when I am or anything, I can be ill for no apparent reason. lol OK, with all that answered, maybe you should just go out one more time and if you arent feeling anything for this guy, just tell him point blank. It isnt happening for ya. No loss. No harm. Move on. Be honest with yourself about a few things first and then see what you feel. IF the chemistry isnt there, you cant make it be there. Goodluck and keep us posted.


iVillage Member
Registered: 07-05-2003
Wed, 07-30-2003 - 10:19am

Was were your instincts telling you that there might be some hidden red flags or were your instincts telling you that you're not that interested after all?

Did you do anything else besides go see a movie (e.g. dinner, drinks, a walk)? Going to a movie is not conducive to conversation time so that can be limiting in terms of continuing to get to know each other.

Maybe he was having an off day.

It sometimes takes a while for two people to feel comfortable with one another, to get to know each other, to decide if they are attracted to one another.

I'm just throwing out random thoughts here.

Based on what you wrote, I think I'd suggest going out with him at least one more time.


<?xml:namespace prefix = o ns = "urn:schemas-microsoft-com:office:office" /> 

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-15-2003
Wed, 07-30-2003 - 10:39am
Hi guys,

Thanks for the thoughts and advice. After sleeping on the problem, I realized what's bugging me about Steve when I woke up this morning - He reminds me WAY TOO MUCH of my Uncle - from the mannerisms, deep voice, even the way he talks to me is EXACTLY like my uncle. And I love my uncle and all - but not in that way (eww).

Its not Steve's fault for being how he is but there's just no way I can keep seeing a guy who reminds me that much of a close family member.

*sigh* Well at least I'm relieved to know what it was that was bugging me about it.


Avatar for born2luv
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 07-30-2003 - 3:48pm
You might want to give it another chance.

I only says that because when I met Richard again, after 15 years apart, I had the same problem. Only he reminded me of my Grandfather! That was freaky, and I really had a hard time with it at first. But, I did get past it, and if our relationship had worked out, (other problems) I think it would have been worth it...

Just a thought...

~*~ Catherine

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-15-2003
Wed, 07-30-2003 - 4:47pm

Well too late - he emailed me and told me he didn't feel the chemistry he's looking for. So maybe he picked up on my discomfort last night, dunno - but I'm thinking its probably for the best. I will recoup this weekend and see what I want to do next in my dating adventures.