For us - OLD goddesses!!!!

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-15-2005
For us - OLD goddesses!!!!
1
Thu, 08-25-2005 - 5:19pm

Hi, I found this article, it would be helpful to some of us, it's long but it's worth reading....

Don't wait for God to bring you a date!
People tend to look at dating sort of like a safari--like they're trying to land the trophy. There are a number of things wrong with that.

Number one, they're looking for "The one".

" When they get in that mindset, it keeps them from meeting lots of different people that may have attributes or aspects to their personality and character and spiritual lives that that they need and would love, but never would be open to because of this "type" they have in their head.

If you talk to most happily married couples and just ask them, "Did you think you would end up with somebody like him or her?" usually they just laugh and say, "No, he's the last person in the world .

" They got outside their type. God surprises people"

So when somebody is kind of on the hunt, they get locked into a type. There are also lots of wonderful growth experiences people have in the course of their dating lives that really prepare them for the one.

They learn about relationships, they learn about different kinds of people, they learn about themselves. It takes the pressure off.

Many times somebody's attraction to a type is pathological. Some people turn out to be nightmares, yet they continue to go after the same type over and over and over. That gets them locked in.

One of the main other areas that gets people stuck, especially people of faith, is that they don't really treat dating like the other areas of their lives that are successful.

In all areas of their lives, they'll take ownership of making those areas of their lives work for them.

If you're building a career, you work on yourself: you get your skills up, you get healthy, and you go on a lot of interviews to find the best company.

Sometimes you use headhunters. That's the same way that you find a community, the same way you make friends, the same way you go about all of life.

But in this one area, people tend to think God's just going to drop this person in their lap. They think there's nothing that they have to do. They end up very passive about it.

What I call on people to do is to take ownership and go about it purposefully.

What are the main reasons that people tend to be attracted to the wrong types for them?

One of the main reasons is their early relational patterning. For example, if they experienced a lot of abandonment early on, then many times they'll be attracted to abandoners.

If they experienced a lot of control, they'll be attracted to controllers. If they experienced a lot of self-centeredness, they'll be attracted to self-centeredness. It has to do with the wiring.

That's why I talk about getting in touch with your relational patterns.

Sometimes it can be based on not having good models, or the peers that people hang around with and what they value.

It can be sometimes out of unresolved aspects of themselves. For example, if someone is really passive, they might be attracted to aggressive types.

Relationships multiply everything--they don't add anything. If you're half of a person, you think you're going to join up with another half of a person and will equal a whole, and that's not going to work.

Relationships either bring out the health in people and expand it, or they hook into the dysfunction in people and make it worse. So that's why it's really important to work on these issues.

That reminds me of what you say before, that God is not going to bring you "The One"

************ Unless he's the FedEx guy ************

*** Maybe U need to take chances, and be more open with other ones ***

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-28-2003
Thu, 08-25-2005 - 5:59pm
That was a really good article. Thanks. I strongly agree! I am happy to say I have no "type" and am usually open minded. Only thing is, when I see someone that attracts me strongly and makes my body go "OH!", then I know it. But in my history, that has been several different "types."