us singletons could you get married?

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-18-2004
us singletons could you get married?
8
Fri, 09-16-2005 - 11:43am


food for thought.

I have been dating a guy w/ two kids and have a lot friends w/ kids. I am in my mid 30's was married once 10 years ago /no kids.. My current lifestyle is pretty good. I live in LA go on the best dates/ have the best restaurants, spas, shopping, places to travel etc.. do I enjoy my life single. heck yes!! Could i change this lifestyle to care for babies , husband and ditch all of this??

Doyou think people/ men /women in mid thirties start to get settled into their lifestyle and start questioning the possibility of loving their life the way it is then confused about wanting to get married?

What do you think ? Opinions? have you ever really thought about it? YOu couldn't jump at the last minute and call your GF up for dinner and drinks/ movie/ shows.. go out w/ a guy friend of yours.. You couldn't jump on a plane last minute and go to Vegas or Mexico... Yes this is my lifestyle and now I think about being married and kids what i have always wanted and sometimes envy in my friends, but do i want to give up my current lifestyle as i am pretty set in my ways and what I like to do..

Could you?? think about it.. I do know some couples that still live this kind of lifestyle but then again their kids are not babies any longer , but they do enjoy life well .

here's also an article about marriage and how it's changing today.

http://lifestyle.msn.com/FamilyandParenting/NontraditionalFamilies/Article.aspx?cp-documentid=25248&GT1=6961

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-19-2004
Fri, 09-16-2005 - 12:07pm

I've got one child who is 5.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-18-2005
Fri, 09-16-2005 - 1:52pm
When my sister had a three year old and new born twins they still went on vacations – they took the babies everywhere. They’d hire a sitter at the resorts and sometimes they’d go alone (grandparents don’t mind you know). If you have the funds it won’t change but once you have kids your priorities change, it’s gradual – doesn’t happen overnight. Fall in love, get married, travel then have kids, natural progression. You also have to be selfless when it comes to kids – I want it w/out a doubt but again takes time.
 
 
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-02-2003
Fri, 09-16-2005 - 4:14pm

I know that I've got a 14 year old son, and am 35 now.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 11-05-2003
Fri, 09-16-2005 - 8:54pm
You know, there was a time when I really thought I wanted to get married. When I was engaged & living with my ex-fiance, I loved the partnership we shared. Granted, I've never felt the urge to procreate & I think that's a big reason why we split. Now that I've lived the single lifestyle for the past 4 years, the idea of living with a guy, let alone marriage, doesn't sound as wonderful. Of course, I may change my mind if I find the right guy, but I'm pretty happy being unmarried & without kids right now. In my 20s, I went from a 4 year college relationship, then it was only 6 months until I spent 3 years with my ex-fiance. Then I had a good 2.5 years of truly being single for the first time in my adult life & I really enjoyed the freedom. Of course, there are always times when I miss the companionship for a serious boyfriend, but I have decided that I won't sacrifice my single life to be in any relationship. It has to be a good relationship & hopefully the RIGHT one.
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-26-2004
Sat, 09-17-2005 - 12:10am

Hi R'Ma,

Imho, when the right man comes along, and your inner 'self' tells you, then what you think is SO great right now about being able to get massages, go to dinner, hop a plane...all those things will pale in comparison to having a child/children. I DO applaud and respect those who choose Not to have children, if they feel they are not in for the Entire plan..being a parent does not "end" when they turn 18 (or 28, or 48, for that matter.!)

I know that I enjoyed college, living and working overseas, world and local travel, and just spontaneous fun...but I enjoyed sharing life with my sons, now 16 and 18, MUCH more than all of that put together. With all that I have accomplished, the Best thing I have ever done, was being a loving caring Mom to them! Although I chose a man who was Not mean to be a life partner to me, he is an excellent Dad to the boys.

Again, not everyone feels this 'inner call" to parenthood, and that is nothing to worry about. Yes, your life changes into Hot Wheels, McDonald's and Little Tykes for a while...then braces, proms and term papers..and Now, I am Back to that place where I can get a massage, go to dinner, hop a plane, too! The best of Both worlds!

Tall Man and I say we wish would have been able to have children together (me at 49, no ty, though I adore the Man!), but we also agree that Who we Are, and How we got here, contribute Greatly to how much we appreciate each other for the people that we are, and always will be; no changes needed!

Personally, Rosema, I think you would be a Great Mom! :)

Truly,
Cupcake

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-19-2004
Sat, 09-17-2005 - 7:45am

There is no doubt in my mind I'd give up my single lifestyle in a heartbeat to have a child in my life, the husband, not so much. But I definitely want children. Actually I know plenty of couples that have a nice healthy balance, it's okay to go out and call a babysitter, doesn't make you the worse mother ever. My aunt and uncle always go out on friday night, it's "date night" they've done it forever and they take one vacation with the kids and one alone.

When you have children and a family doesn't mean all "fun" is stripped from your life, just means you need to plan a little bit more.

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-03-2004
Sat, 09-17-2005 - 9:46am

It's usual for people who are contemplating marriage/children to think in terms of what they will be giving up, or of how much a lifestyle will be changed. In my own experience when I met D and we very early on decided to having children together, we never had to think twice about it. A great many things were added to our lives.

I had my DD when I was 29, my DS at 31. If I gave up anything, I was ready to do so, and if I have a regret it's that D and I were unable to keep it together and split when the children were quite young. Thankfully, he's always been a great, dedicated dad.

Maybe it's because I've lived on my own since I was 17 and lived a pretty full single life prior to having children, but I never had the feeling that I'd missed out on something.

But I wanted to say, rose, that it is indeed a challenge for parents to maintain an adult lifestyle (in the earlier kid years) but it is do-able if you and your partner work at it. I have a perfect example in my elder sister -- 3 kids and she and her husband have always made time to have fun alone/together.

IMO, children learn by example. They watch us being adults so that they know how to be adults themselves one day.

amjay

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-18-2004
Sat, 09-17-2005 - 9:55pm

thanks all for your replies. great responses

I guess I have to think do I want all of this.. somedays I look at babies and I melt like i never did before Would soo love one and then when I think about my life and fitting that in, I do get scared.. I guess when the right one comes along and we do want children together there will be no questions... I have always wanted a family..and yes finances make it easier to do the things i currently do once children come along.. again I am not talking about neglecting them, just still taking care of myself in the process and always want them there on vacations!! how about family vacations in Hawaii!! HAA!!