Used

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-11-2007
Used
28
Thu, 09-09-2010 - 2:18pm

Hello Board,



I assume my problem has been discussed already here, I have been seeing this woman I met online for about 14 months. We were exclusive and say that we loved each other but I sure didn't feel it on my end from her. To make a long story short she had family problems and the lost her job back in Feb, and had basically 300 dollars a month to live on with no other income. So I naturally as the boyfriend decided to help her ,this was only suppose to last 1 or 2 months till she got anything for a job. Well 6 months later here we are and still no job and the reason being she is still on the dating sites and this is no exaggeration for 10-12 hours a day.



We just had a big argument and I told her its either get a job get off the site or I am history,to my suprise she picked the site because she says she has friends there and I am being insecure and controlling. Now I admit I am insecure from my last relationship as I have told her because I caught my ex wife cheating and explained to her that every time she logs on, she is adding to an already insecure person and hurting my feelings ,which obviously she doesnt seem to care about.



I don't see the allure to the dating site once you have a real live person and yes I know people will say she used me because thats what I think also and I told her to ask anyone even the so called friends on the net if thier significant other would like them being all day and nite on a dating site talking to the opposite sex and she said they don't mind and I say BS they say that just because they are on the site themselves .



Anyone I have presented this question to agrees with me it is not insecurity or control to ask someone to remove thier profile but a sign of respect and being together this long I shouldn't even have to ask.



What do you think.



Top gun

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iVillage Member
Registered: 11-07-2007
In reply to: topgun923
Thu, 09-09-2010 - 6:16pm
I may be in the minority on this but I feel like if you are going to give a relationship a chance and you think you have found somebody who may be the "one" you give up the sites and all that stuff.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-11-2007
In reply to: topgun923
Thu, 09-09-2010 - 6:55pm

I would hope that you are in the majority because I also feel if it is to have a chance and you have been together a while and are exclusive its time to take the profile down.



TopGun

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-1999
In reply to: topgun923
Thu, 09-09-2010 - 8:28pm
When I did OLD before as soon as I met someone that I was in a relationship with, I stopped the OLD site--I didn't met the guy that way so I don't think he had a profile. He didn't even have to ask me. To me, there is no reason to be on the OLD if you are not interested in dating--why else are those people there? There are plenty of other boards, etc. for people who just want to chat about diff. subjects. The thing is that when you are in a relationship, the other person's feelings should be important to you--when you asked her not to go on the OLD site and she continued to do it, then she showed you that you weren't that important. Sorry about that.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-11-2007
In reply to: topgun923
Thu, 09-09-2010 - 8:36pm
I AGREE
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-23-2009
In reply to: topgun923
Fri, 09-10-2010 - 9:33am

What do I think? I can't believe you are still with her at this point. Instead of spending 10 or 12 hours a day looking for work, she is busy with her social network, and living on your income. You don't need to poll other people on something so blatantly wrong.



If you are

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-11-2007
In reply to: topgun923
Fri, 09-10-2010 - 12:07pm

I agree blue orchid ,its just that I was trying to see what the opinion was on the matter of her syaing its controlling or insecure and I have taken your advice because I did stop the money thing back in august but then hear it is my fault if the person is homeless and thats bs and I know it, its her just trying to lay the guilt trip on. same as her saying its my insecurities and controlling because I asked for her to remove her profile,just wanted to see if anyone in thier right mind would agree with her and hear thier take on it because anyone that I have approached on this topic agrees it is a matter of respect when you are in a supposedly exclusive relationship and something that shouldnt even have to be asked if the person truly cares. Thanks for your insight and I have started that already.



TopGun

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-02-2010
In reply to: topgun923
Sat, 09-11-2010 - 1:40pm

I think the only way to know for sure is to stop giving her everything she "needs" especially money. If she stays then maybe you are wrong...

I have been unemployed since Oct 09 and it's very lonely especially being single. Could she be filling herself with her friends on this site because of that loneliness??

Sandy

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-11-2007
In reply to: topgun923
Sat, 09-11-2010 - 2:32pm

I can see what your saying but there are other sites that arent just men,I mean its like a slap in the face,because no one I know would keep paying while thier SO is on a site like this,but I can see what you are saying ,It was never a problem with her having male friends ,just male friends on dating sites.



TopGun

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-22-2006
In reply to: topgun923
Sat, 09-11-2010 - 3:04pm
I just started OLD and have never done it before but I can't imagine spending 10-12 hours a day on any site. :)





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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-11-2007
In reply to: topgun923
Sat, 09-11-2010 - 3:26pm

Yes you would think but I feel she is just using it to boost her ego ,dont really know. I myself and trying to fighure it out.



Don

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