Valentine's Day Disappointment
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| Fri, 02-17-2006 - 11:37am |
I've been dating Jeff for almost 3 weeks. The relationship seems to have moved faster than I anticipated, but I was happy with things up until the other night (V-Day). He originally said he'd take me out to eat which I thought might be a special thing. I ask him what I can get him for V-Day and he replies with not much hesitation.."you can get me some cologne..whatever you like." So, I go out and buy cologne (not real expensive but something nice) and also get a couple kitchen utencil items which he needed along with a candle. He later tells me that he is going to cook at home since his daughter will be there. I inquire if the daughter will be there all evening and he said no. So, I go back out and buy a small box of candy for the daughter. It's only the second time I've been around the daughter. Now, keep in mind that he was going to have to cook regardless of whether I showed up or not. When I asked if I could bring a pie or something for dessert, he said that would be fine, so I go back to the store after work that same day and get a pie. I get to his house a little before 6:00 to find that he has not bought me a flower, card or anything for V-Day. Apparently, the dinner was it. The dinner was OK but nothing seemed special about it. Maybe I'm not a big meatloaf fan. :0 Anyway, his daughter ends up staying until after 8:00 pm when I originally thought she'd go back to her Mom's right after dinner. Then another family friend stops by to see his house (of course I know he didn't have control over that) but this friend stays and stays. Maybe she didn't think about this being a "date" since his kid was there and she didn't see any balloons or anything indicating it was V-Day.
Finally, the unexpected visitor leaves, and around 8:30, he decides to take the kid back to her Mom's. I stay and wait for him (doesn't take him long to get back). By this time, I feel like the evening is a bust, but he wants to get romantic when he gets back. I finally tell him that he wants romance and he didn't even get me a flower? He made a remark about not having been to the store since he had his daughter for 2 days. That might be true, but he was at W-Mart shopping a few days before our dinner (without his daughter) and didn't even think to pick up a card or anything. He had to have seen all the tables of stuff they had out for the holiday. He told me he was sorry and would make it up to me, but I am still let down and disappointed by the evening. Maybe it is too soon to expect flowers or cards, but is it not also too soon to expect me to get him cologne? Maybe my expectations are too high, but I felt like I made more effort than he did, and it was almost like we'd been together for months and this was a "no big deal" kind of evening. When you're trying to impress someone, wouldn't you think that a guy would think of flowers or something for V-Day?
My friends all think Jeff dropped the ball here and maybe just was not thinking. I have one counselor friend who believes that "he" thought the dinner WAS my gift and that I'm overreacting. I had cooked dinner for him before and expected that we might have a lot of dinners at his place too. Am I really so bad for expecting a card or something????

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Slightly offtopic from the question you asked, but I can't believe no one has pointed out the biggest red flag with this guy. You're so focused on the valentines stuff... but have you considered how inappropriate it is for a DATE (not even a gf) to be hanging around his daughter?
A single parent's FIRST responsibility is to their child(ren) and dating should be secondary and separate. The right thing for him to do would have been to take you out AFTER dropping the daughter off with her mother, so you could have had an actual DATE.
Dates shouldn't be introduced to kids until it's looking like a stable long term relationship. This is BOTH for the sake of stability for the kids, AND for developing a healthy relationship between two people.
I'd tread carefully here.
Now about the valentines shenanigans - why would you get him anything in the first place? Now when you asked him what he wanted he should have either said don't get him anything, or he should have gotten you something too. He made the specific, deliberate decision to take without giving. Oh yeah, and using the daughter as an excuse to not get to the store is LAME... it's not even like it's an infant/toddler which does make shopping more of a chore. You are chasing him and he's not reciprocating. Sorry to be the pessimist but this guy doesn't sound like relationship material.
LOL Its funny I emailed a guy friend from work and asked him if he got anything special for valentines day and he said this to me
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I agree with him, I think it's more special when a guy gives me flowers, a card, or a special gift out of the blue to tell me I'm special then some grande gesture on Valentines Day because he has too. I think a lot of men feel this way, there is way too much pressure, if the flowers aren't right then the day is RUINED for the girls, it's like some big competition...I saw it in the office, it's horrible girls practically panting at the door waiting for flowers to be delivered. Last year this girl got beautiful lilies delivered, she was pissed they weren't roses...what the heck, most of us got nothing and she was mad they weren't roses. My friend is a florist, during valentines day the rose sellers up their prices so much that the flowers are so high, it's not like at valentines day the roses are harder to grow, it's such a huge scam. I feel bad for guys...it's a big test to see how much you love the girl. THey can never win.
I've been holding off reading this thread because I was not disappointed on V-day and I didn't want to gloat.
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