Various gripes

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-17-2005
Various gripes
31
Sat, 04-30-2005 - 10:22am

I hate how match.com crops photos.

I don't understand why a guy in Parsippany NJ who says in his profile he's looking 75 miles from there and doesn't want his date to smoke would wink at me. In fact there's more than one guy who says "No Way" on the smoking issue about his date, yet they wink at me. Why?

I don't understand why a 39 year old man would put 23-40 for the age range they're looking for in a woman.

And of course the regular gripe of take off the dang sunglasses and one pic of your pet(s) is enough.....lol.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-17-2002
Mon, 05-02-2005 - 5:26pm

Very well put, Stacey!!

This reminds me of an 8 at 8 (the dinner club I joined) dinner that I went to a month or so ago. One of the guys at the table mentioned he'd been working for a certain company for 27 years - he'd started right out of college. I thought about where I was 27 years ago... I was in second grade! I think he was 48 or 49 and that might not seem a big difference from 34, but to ME it was HUGE! Thinking that I was learning division and to write cursive while he was experiencing his first job right out of college was really strange to me. Again, just like Stacey said, it is not that I do not have friends older and younger than me and that I do not appreciate them for who they are and experience they have, but I personally don't want to date someone that has such a completely different perspective due to being in a whole different generation and having experienced life in a different era.

I usually do think that a guy is a trying to relive his youth or get some cute, young hottie when a man that much older will only date women in their 20s or 30s. I think eric's and KITB's point was more that the 39 year old will go 14 years younger (to get the cute, young hottie) but only one year older. What's up with that!?!?

131.gif image by y_baros th5K.gif image by jade_simo

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-12-2005
Mon, 05-02-2005 - 6:53pm

Hi Sheri!


Here comes the response from PG.....which other contributors to the board can agree or disagree with.


Professionally....I learn a great deal from various age groups.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-12-2005
Mon, 05-02-2005 - 6:56pm

Stacey....


Your points are well-taken....and definitely appreciated.


But just to play DEVIL'S ADVOCATE.....is a relationship (OLD or otherwise) primarily based on the desires of the girl.....or the couple....who are together?


PG

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-07-2005
Mon, 05-02-2005 - 8:16pm

Hi KITB,

On the smoking issue - when I had my profile up, I had that I was a non-smoker, and you would be surprised at how many smokers had winked or emailed me. Nope never read my profile I'm sure! One guy I started seeing had many lies - one, he was still living at home with his wife, and two, the divorce was not final. He was a smoker and not divorced yet, which he posted divorced and non-smoker in his profile.

He was a very interesting and funny guy and I tried to overlook that he reeked of smoke - (sorry but it clings to everything like clothihg, hair, car interiors, etc. and I have allergies and have a hard time being around it), but after a few dates I just couldn't get past it, even though I liked his personality. Oh yeah, kissing a smoker is really gross to a non-smoker and he also smoked other things as well which I'm not into.

Of course the clincher was when I called him on the wife thing as he would refer to her as his wife and I had a feeling she WAS still his wife and she was! He would go off on tangents about how terrible she was and I knew I was in a bad situation, so got out of it pretty quickly.

I glanced at his profile a couple of months ago and he still has posted non-smoker, but the divorce is finally final and he has moved out, or so he told me a few months ago - but who knows, I wasn't interested in seeing him again as he was hinting at!

For some people the smoking thing isn't a deal breaker, but for others it is. My ex husband smokes non stop and is with a girl who is just like him, so I'm sure he is happier in that aspect. So I guess we all find what we want. The guy I've been seeing now is a non-smoker and hates it when we are near the smoking section, so we get along well (in other aspects also).

My best friend smokes and I still love her the same! Although she is only 36 and has something going on with her heart now and I worry about her. But she is very considerate and doesn't smoke around me. Her 4 yr old son always says he is going to smoke when he gets bigger and imitates smoking... makes me sad....

The age thing doesn't make sense, but I think possibly that many people think by dating someone so much younger than themselves, that they will look and maybe feel younger.

There are people who have interests that are older than their actual age, like music preferences which they may have learned from older siblings, etc. The guy I am dating now is almost 9 yrs younger than me, but we have so many interests in common and he is like that. Yet I also like younger music and other things also. But I couldn't do 20 years younger than me, had a fling once with a guy that young - great sex but that was about it, but we both knew what it was about, so no surprises there! But to each his own preferences in age!

Yes, the sunglasses thing I have pointed out to numerous guys in OLD since I am an eye person! I don't even like guys who can't look at you when they talk!

*************************************************************************

And CGUN, great post about the differences in age as you age! Well done!

Sunshine

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-21-2004
Tue, 05-03-2005 - 11:50am
I think in a relationship, both parties need to find a "common ground" and want the same things to an extent, so I don't think it's all about the girl at all.

Photo Sharing and Video Hosting at Photobucket
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-24-2004
Tue, 05-03-2005 - 6:40pm

The thing about CGUN's post is this -- while most women will agree with her, a man will think NOTHING of being in his 40s and dating a 27 year old woman. He won't care that they have no common ground, that she doesn't know who Tom DeLay is, or that she's not registered to vote.

I agree with Eric on this one. Bring on the onslaught but I think it is true of a LOT of men (the ones on this board excluded, perhaps) that they are NOT looking for a woman for intellectual stimulation or mental challenges, no matter what their profiles say. I know more than a handful of men married to women who are not their intellectual equals and almost universally they will say "I get all the challenges and discourse I need at work; when I come home, I just want to relax." I'm not saying I agree with that, but there you have it.

The older they are, the more likely that they are looking for that true partnership, but the 45 year old man who includes a 25 year old woman in his acceptable age range is not looking for witty banter. He just wants some fun and some eye candy.

I hate these acronyms, but I'll add the disclaimer IMHO.

Tracy

Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 05-03-2005 - 6:52pm

I agree, this is probably the case in the majority of situations where the guy puts a much younger age range. I don't understand it, personally, and would never accept that type of relationship for myself, but hey, it's not my life.

Sheri

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-12-2005
Wed, 05-04-2005 - 9:06am

Sheri...and ALL!


cl-pianoguy is gonna jump in......again!

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-18-2003
Wed, 05-04-2005 - 9:58am

I don't know your age but I'm guessing mid to upper 40s. And you see no problem dating a 25 yr old because, as you say....<

 

 

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-03-2004
Wed, 05-04-2005 - 10:34am

PG, you are entitled to your preferences without critism as we all are.

My problem with the age thing is strictly selfish: At 46 I am finding that men my age don't want a woman my age and this is very frustrating to me.