Very concerned...advice needed
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Very concerned...advice needed
| Tue, 12-13-2005 - 10:01am |
On the way into work this morning, I noticed that Ronnie went through my phone.
| Tue, 12-13-2005 - 10:01am |
On the way into work this morning, I noticed that Ronnie went through my phone.
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I think you need to have a serious talk with him about his ideas of privacy and trust.
Sorry to hear about this Jodie but I think you are handling it the best way you can. Are you POSITIVE it was him that accessed it? I would assume so given the time it was accessed that it wasn't one of the kids. But yes, you need to be firm with him that this is an invasion of your privacy and that if he has questions or problems, he should come to you and ask rather than going behind your back. This is a big deal and could be a really serious problem in your relationship if he for some reason of his own feels he can't trust you.
Make sure you talk in person and try to stay calm. Good luck. I hope it goes OK.
ITA!!! :-)
One question, why would an ex text message a message that says "meet me in the park sexy" - just playing devil's advocate but if it were me and you asked me to listen and I ran into that message on accident - you just planted a seed of distrust -think if it were reversed - seriously your mind starts to analzye like hmmmm, can I trust this person, are they seeing someone - I would tell any ex's to no longer send you sexually charged text messages to your phone..... just a thought....so in a way while I don't justify him snooping part of me understands so go easy on him :-)
Good luck,
SP
I thought she was saying it was an old text message she had never deleted?
Hi Lil Ms. Peanut.
That is a fair question to ask.
CL-Truewild1969
For further information regarding OLD including FAQ please visit our OLD Website at;
So, your immediate reaction to his finding the "sexy" text was anger and defensiveness, rather than an explanation? Or am I misreading your post?
I can certainly see why he would be insecure, if that's the case. I'm not saying his snooping is justified, but if someone I cared about reacted that way, I would wonder what they were hiding, because that's how liars react to being caught. It seems a simple, "oh, that's an old message from an ex that I never deleted. But hey, would you mind asking me before you go through my phone to find something next time?" would have worked well.
Sheri
The text message with the ex "issue" happened about 5 weeks ago.
My immediate reaction to him
CL-Truewild1969
For further information regarding OLD including FAQ please visit our OLD Website at;
Hi Jodie,
I am sorry that you are going through this but I can totally relate. I think that it is instinct to react defensively when your SO is making an accusation like that. I think you feel hurt that they would even *think* something like that about you and you react to the insult. It would make me start wondering if ANYTHING I want to keep private is safe, email, snail mail, drawers, etc. Even if he promises not to violate your privacy, will you really believe him? I mean, this is the second time you have to ask him. I think the content of the message does not justify him looking. I think the suggestion to use the key lock is a good one, but why SHOULD you have to do that? I know you love him and he loves you, this is such a difficult situation and my heart goes out to you.
*Hugs*
Angel
Ok, I'm still not clear...was the text an old one you hadn't deleted that you received before the two of you met, or one you received while you and Ronnie were involved?
If it's the latter, then, gosh, the "explanation" you gave seems pretty lame. Neither of the things you wrote really constitutes an explanation. Did you actually *explain* the circumstances and why the text was innocent (or whatever), or did you just brush off his concerns with "it's nothing to worry about"?
Anyway, I think you need to get back to the root of the issue when you discuss the phone thing. Now, it may be that he's just *never* going to trust you, no matter what you do, and in that case, there's really nothing you can do (he would need counseling to have any chance of getting over that issue)...but if he's reasonable, you should be able to help him make his underlying concerns go away and he should have no further need or desire to snoop. Of course, he should have come to you with his concerns rather than snooped, but perhaps he was afraid that you would just brush him off again.
Sheri
P.S. Was cheating involved in his last relationship (on either side)?
Edited 12/13/2005 11:53 am ET by northwestwanderer
I am not a fan of snooping.
Do you think maybe he was more insecure about you contacting the guy from high school more than he let on??
I would definitely discuss with him about his snooping. Snooping is NOT cool in any circumstance as far as I'm concerned. This is also the 2nd time he's done it after you told him you didn't like it the first time. I think you definitely need to sit down with him and discuss what is causing him to do these things.
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