wait till he calls?

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-04-2005
wait till he calls?
9
Fri, 11-04-2005 - 1:51pm

I've done my share of online dating, and none of it was successful. Usually I knew during the first meeting that there was no attraction and had all but given up on finding someone online. I'm giving it a try again because I moved to a new town. For the most part, it wasn't going well. I'd met two guys and in both cases knew early on that there was no romantic potential. I was all but ready to give up again, but yesterday I met someone and felt an attraction right away. Not only that, but the conversation was easy, neither of us was nervous, and I had a good feeling about him the whole time. We did establish in our emails that we wouldn't have major expectations for this first meeting and keep it short. We talked for about an hour. As we parted ways, there was a hug and he said he'd like to see me again and that he'd call me on Sunday.

Now I've been there before with guys saying they'll call and never hearing from them again. In most of these cases, I didn't care to see them again anyway, but in this case, I do. I worry that while we talked, I played it too cool and didn't indicate that I was interested. I know in this day and age I should just be upfront about my attraction to a man, but my upbringing in female demureness got the better of me. I guess I'm obsessing (such an attractive quality) and worrying that he isn't going to call.

I also know I should just let things play out until then, but he's still on my mind and wonder if I should at least send a follow up email letting him know that I enjoyed myself. That way I can dispel any doubts he might have that I didn't have fun talking to him? Would that just seem overly anxious and desperate?

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2005
Fri, 11-04-2005 - 2:36pm
When I would meet someone and they treated to dinner(or even just coffee) I always send a short email saying something like "Thank You for dinner.I enjoyed the meal and company". Within 24 hours. It's just being nice & respectful.
He may have some phone jitters until Sunday. Maybe wondering if you're into him? By sending a Thank You note it will show that you are.
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-19-2004
Fri, 11-04-2005 - 2:54pm

There have been a few debates on this topic and the last one won me over to the thinking that you should not send a thank you email after the date.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 11-04-2005
Fri, 11-04-2005 - 4:16pm
Thanks for the input. I feel awkward about thanking him, because it's not like he paid for anything. I got there first so I paid for my drink and sat down and read a book while I waited. I think the sensible thing would be to take him at his word and assume he'll get in touch with me. He didn't seem like the nervous type so I hope he's not overanalyzing things over on his end. I haven't been in this sort of a situation for a long time--it's torture, but I'm glad to know there are others who are going through it with me!
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-04-2005
Sun, 11-06-2005 - 11:26am

I just need to vent. Against my better judgment, I've been obsessing over this matter. He had hidden his profile shortly after we started communicating, so I wasn't able to go back and reread some of the stuff he wrote. This morning, I checked, and lo and behold, his profile was up, no longer hidden! It shows that he's been active in the last 24 hours. I was dismayed because I thought if he meant what he said about wanting to see me again and calling on Sunday (today), he wouldn't have any reason to go back on the hunt. Or maybe that's unreasonable of me--we did only meet once after all.

I'm spending way too much time and energy on this, but I just want to be ready for the disappointment of not hearing back from him. So if anyone could either offer another perspective, or confirm my fears, it would all be appreciated.

Thanks.

Avatar for travkitty
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-05-2003
Sun, 11-06-2005 - 11:33am

There's nothing wrong with him having his profile up & active after only one meet. I think you need to chill just a tad.

Sorry, I should go back & re-read this thread. How long has it been since the meet?

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-31-2005
Sun, 11-06-2005 - 11:50am

Hon, though I understand where you're coming from, it's important to remember that he has no commitment to you nor anyone else at this point. That's what dating is about... you date to find the right match and until you do, you don't just jump into things. But knowing whether a person is right for you take a little bit of time. There has to be a foundation built for that.


You've only met him once. Keep that in mind. Allowing yourself to get caught up so quickly is dangerous. My advice?

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-28-2005
Sun, 11-06-2005 - 12:26pm
I truly think you have to go through this a few times before it gets easily....it is part of the online dating "scene". It is very disappointing, but remember there are other men out there. There's no shortage. New men join every day. Hope you're feeling better.
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-04-2005
Sun, 11-06-2005 - 7:17pm
I know, I know, you're all right. I guess I am still relatively new to all of this, and this was certainly the first time I felt a strong attraction during a first meeting. I'd like to think I'm a cool person who can keep it together, but this has really thrown me for a loop. This forum has helped a lot though--reading your responses and responding to others. I will post an update about whether or not there is a phone call, as he promised. But until then, thanks again everyone and much success to the rest of you!
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-04-2005
Mon, 11-07-2005 - 12:25am

As promised, here's my update. He called and we had a nice chat. He also asked if I was available to hang out this week and we're meeting again tomorrow. He sounded a little nervous, which was cute because in person he seemed very cool and confident.

I'm sorry for my multiple neurotic postings, but this forum helped me get through the last few days. I'm embarrassed at how out of hand I let things get, but I thank you all for telling me to chill out and just wait.