was it me?
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was it me?
| Fri, 07-01-2005 - 8:18pm |
After meeting with someone from online, do you ever wonder if you did or said something that the other person just didn't like, enough to not contact you again? I know all about the "ghosts" but it still bothers me wondering these things. I thought everything went well today with our coffee date. He told me that he enjoyed himself and all that good stuff and that he'd contact me tonight on msn. He didn't put me in mind of someone who would lie like that. Maybe something came up so that he couldn't be online but I don't know and it's driving me crazy, especially when I really didn't think he would do that.

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Dream Angel, are you giving yourself nightmares with no basis? The guy said he'd contact you "tonight" and it is still"tonight"--so why are you freaking out?
Nevertheless, I am sure we all know what you mean. Maybe a guy says "I had a good time, I'll call you," because he thinks that's polite, just as we say, "I had a good time, let's do this again." Then he thinks it over and decides you aren't so hot, after all! :)
Well tonight isn't over until tomorrow morning, so I wouldn't start getting too worked up yet.
I try not to ask the "Was it me?" question. Instead I look at it like this, "He wasn't the right guy." If he was the right guy, he would be excited about you and be interested in seeing you again. If you never hear from him again, now you've eliminated one more guy and are one step closer to finding the right guy for you.
Someone a few weeks back posted a response about how the "right guy" would act. If I can remember who it was, I'll let you know. It was one of the posts that makes you go "Duhhh", that's what I'm waiting for.
Go out and do something fun. Don't sit by your computer waiting for this guy.
also w/old you have to be careful because there isn't always chemistry on both parties and some people want chemistry on the first date otherwise they don't go forward and some give it more time. everyone is different
but you don't know wht the deal is just go out have fun and possibly he will call again!! )
Even when they say they will call you after a meet has gone well and you two seem to have clicked, don't expect them to call - just don't even think that they will, because so many do not follow through with what they say. That way if he *does* call then it's a good thing!
But I think many guys are just uncomfortable with how to end a meeting they have had with a lady who is nice, but just not someone that they would be interested in continuing to see more, so they tell her that they'll call her, knowing that they never will. It's kind of a cop out, but yet on the other hand, if you were to sum up a meet or date at the end of the date, how could you say it in a way that would not hurt the other person's feelings that you do not want to see them again? There is no kind way really.
I know I have had a fair amount of meets where the guys were nice people and we had good conversation, but I knew that I wouldn't see them again because they didn't appeal to me *that* much.
And yet there are also the personal preferences that we all have, and not every person will fit that criteria, and it doesn't make them a bad person, just not a person for us, or us for them maybe! I'm a blonde and some guys have grown up with red heads in their familes and are familiar with and have personal preferences for red heads. So I might not appeal to them being a blonde, but that is ok. I'm still the great lady that I know I am and have not changed because of *his* preferences! ;) Besides I see it like this: It's his loss!
So you just can't take things personally at all or you will drive yourself crazy trying to anayze why things didn't go to a second meet, or he didn't call or talk to you on IM when he said he would. There is no "type" of guy that fits the criteria for ghosting, but all of these things are a form of ghosting and it does happens, and you can't take it personally, but you have to move on to the next prospect or prospects until you both really click. But I know that it does hurt some, you just can't let it do this to you and affect you, you just have to become stronger in the world of OLD...
Good luck to you as you continue moving along in OLD land...
Sunshine
Right now, I'm giving him the benefit of the doubt and thinking that he might have had something come up last night. He was having his family over for a bbq and he said he'd likely be online around 7 but wasn't entirely sure when his family would be leaving. I waited until 10 and then went offline. I know he had plans today so I don't know when or if he'll email or IM. Would it be wrong of me to email him later today if I don't hear from him and just say that I enjoyed yesterday, am interested in seeing him again and if he's interested too to let me know? I originally emailed him to begin with because I was getting tired of waiting for him. We weren't catching each other on IM at the same time either. This waiting really bothers me and I'd like to know one way or the other what he's thinking about this.
Edited 7/2/2005 9:29 am ET ET by dream_angel2005
Edited 7/2/2005 10:38 am ET ET by dream_angel2005
I have learnt that every time I contacted a person myself in a similar situation as yours - they always reciprocate for another meet but only to ghost again. The reason is - they think "uh, this girl really likes me - I have an upper hand - maybe I will get some :) "
Please stay cool and do nothing!
I agree with everyone that you should just see what happens, but to be honest, i'm not a very patient person when it comes to these things. I think its a bad sign if someone says they are going to do something, then for whatever reason doesn't. Whatever happened to the days when people cared what you thought about them and tried to make a good impression? I don't think a good impression is left by someone who fails to do what they SAY they are going to do, ESPECIALLY when you just met them. This has happened to me before and I always assume that because it was a "good" meet they think they can trade up now, but so can I. So, if he doesn't call its ok, there is a better guy out there for you.
GM
First, no do not send the email. If he's into you trust me he'll move mountains to make sure you know that.
However, my word of advice for what it' worth...
next time you meet a guy you like give him your phone number. I think waiting by a computer for 3 hours in hopes that he'll IM you is a big waste of time. When the man has your number you know he has the option of calling you and asking you out. No offense but the whole IM thing is a big waste of time. He types me and I type him all the while you don't know if he's into you or not. Call me old fashioned but at least with the phone it's far more personal and it shows confidence on both ends that you're taking one another serioulsy. From your first post about this date it sounded as though you could take this guy or leave him and as soon as he didn't IM his value went up (food for thought) so next time whether you two hook up or not just give him your phone digits - serioulsy.
Oh and agree with the others do not ever wait around for some guy to IM you and don't worry about whether he'll calll, chances are he won't and if he does added bonus. This is part of dating - no guarantees either way.
Also it is 4th of July weekend - if you think he's going to rush home to his PC on a Friday night to IM you - c'mon --- he's been on it all week he wants to enjoy time with family hence another reason to give out your digits or get his!!!!
Chin up,
SP
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