Weird first date?
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| Fri, 11-10-2006 - 11:27pm |
Ok yes i know I've had a lot of weird first dates, but this one is different because i actually kinda liked this guy. Started talking to him last week, this is the one that i cancelled the lunch date with, then thought, that was dumb, i would like to go out with him and was lucky enough that he rescheduled. So we had the date tonight, we met at 8. I was glad, I liked him. He seems a bit uptight though. We had 2 drinks each, ate and talked. The conversation seemed good.
I guess it started to get weird at the end. We were kind of figuring out what to do next i guess. He's like, well i was going to ask you if wanted to watch a movie with my friends and I, but i think it's probably over by now...but i was going to ask you. I said, ok. Then he asked if i liked karaoke. I said, i had never really done it (did it once years ago). He said, well Im not going to do it if you dont. I said, well i could watch you, he was like, no that's ok. Then he went to bathroom. He came back adn it seemed sort of weird. I said, well did you want to do something else or do you have to go. He kind of laughed and looked sheepish. I said, what? he laughed and seemed embaressed, saying something about awkward first date stuff. Then he says, well i read online somewhere that you should always make a first date short. I kind of laughed and said, ah ok, well i guess i dont play by the rules. Then i said, well would you want to hang out again? (bold i know) He said, yes he would. So as for rules, i guess i dont play by them...i mean if a date is going well and it's friday night and only about 10pm...i see no reason to not get a drink or something.Wasnt like i was wanting to go back to his place and make out.
So we sort of laughed and left...he walked me to my car, i said he didnt have to, he said he wanted to. He talked more about akward first date stuff and how he had read that after a first date people should take time to reflect on how things went, etc. I said, maybe you think too much and laughed. He agreed that he does and that he reminds himself of Hamlet. So we got to my car, i said,ok well let me give you a hug. He seemed happy about that and we hugged and he was staring at me smiling...I said that we would talk over IM and he said, yes definitely. Then off I went.
What do you make of this?? Was he just wanting to just end the date...or was he really trying to keep things 'proper'...we did originally have a lunch date, so maybe he did want to keep things short all along? agh....why oh why does this crap happen with the ones i like?????

Oh, I feel your pain! It sounds to me like he just felt awkward and was feeling a little insecure about how the date was going. There are so many rules with first dates and he may have just been walking the line between what he should do and what he wanted to do.
I had a similar experience when I talked to a guy on the phone for the first time last night. We talked for an hour, and really connected. We laughed and teased each other and seemed to have a lot in common. Then when it came time to discuss whether we would talk again, or if we should meet and how, things got wierd. He kept saying things like "we should probably meet for drinks first" and kept talking about "the rules" and things that are taboo. And when he said "do you maybe want to do drinks on Saturday or something?" I tried to sound cool and aloof, but he got all wierd and it was clear that he thought I wasn't interested. Tonight he called me, as we planned (and I was surpised because I thought HE wasn't interested in me after the way we ended that call), but I was busy and didn't get to the phone right away. I called him back within ten minutes and made sure that he knew I was glad he called. I could hear the relief in his voice.
Men are so insecure and the majority of dating pressure is placed on them. They are like children and need reassurance from us. I'm new to online dating, so maybe I don't know all the rules (but I don't play by them either - just do what feels right IMHO. If a guy doesn't like it, he's not for you) I would send him a follow-up email to say thank you and to tell him you had a wonderful time and would love to do it again. It was probably just first date jitters...let him know your still interested and he may loosen up.
That has always been my problem with dating in general. What to do? It's all so wishy washy and you're both worried that the other person doesn't even want to continue the date. And shyness/awkwardness can easily be mistaken for disinterest. Ugh. I hate first dates!
Also, he may just be a bad dater and very insecure. He may have hang ups about online dating. Whatever happens, just remember that it has nothing to do with you. It could be that he just isn't the one for you. Or maybe he just needs some time to become more comfortable around you.
I read somewhere that the worst time to analyze a situation is when you are in the thick of the situation, because things always seem worse than they really are. So, get a good night sleep and hopefull things will look brighter in the morning.
Hang in there :)
Two hours is more than enough time for a first meet. You're totally overthinking this.
Plus, you're engaging in a bad dating habit of projecting your own thoughts, feelings and motivations on to the other person ("well, *I* wouldn't do that"). Cut that out, LOL!!! He's not you, stop assuming that you know his motivations.
Sheri
so it's been two nights since the date...havent heard from him. I"m not suprised. I am not sure how to handle this. I logged on to IM, saw he was on, but neither of us contacted each other-however that is not abnormal. There were plenty of times last week that i logged on, saw him on and neither of us contacted each other then. I told a friend about this and she said it sounds like he is just clueless with dating and that he was probably trying to do that right thing, especially since he admitted to reading things online...i read things online too...but i dont admit it to a first date, lol. So it was hard to read...i took it as him not having fun because he said first dates should be short. I dont know...i'm stressing because i like this one. I feel like karma is coming to get me though for all the first dates i had, the guy would call me and i wouldnt call back for lack of interest...maybe that's what's happening to me now...agh. Like i said, when i left i just saying, ok well i'll talk to you on IM, he said definitely...i feel like i will probably need to make the first move though
Please dont anyone say, oh you are thinking too much, let it go, talk to other guys...i've been doing that for 2 months (;
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Ok, so the other person may have gone a little bit far with calling your post whining. But honestly, 2 months IS NOT that long to be doing this. I have been doing online dating for almost 5 years now, and I'm only 27. I have had a couple dates where the guy wasn't interested and I never heard from him again. I've even had more where I go out with them for a month/two/three and never hear from them. It is going to happen, no matter how cute, smart, funny you are. You can't worry or put this much energy into someone you went out with once. You asked us not to tell you to look for another guy, that you are thinking too much, etc. You want opinions but you want us to sensor them? What would you like us to tell you?
Stacey
yeah i know, two months is not long to be doing this i suppose. I said last week i'm taking a break...but i had a date planned with him before i decided that. Like i said, it's just frustrating because the people i seem to like dont seem that interested in me, then the ones that like me, Im not interested in them. I guess I just feel like there is no one out there for me right now...last week two people i know got engaged...i must say that being single is taking it's toll on me. I just feel very undesirable like i'm not worth dating. i kid you not when i say that everyone i know seems to be in a RL. When you do find someone that you're intersted in I guess it gets hard to just be like, ok no clue if they'll call in the meantime let me know go on another job interview, oops i mean first date...that is sorta what these dates feel like...job interviews. I"m tired of talking abot myself...i'm even tired of writing about myself when people email me. I wonder if i was better off without doing online dating sometimes. It's a great way to meet people, but at this point it's given me more indication that perhaps I am never going to get the type of guy i want...
And dancingangel, i see nowhere on this forum where it says, no whining allowed. Look at pretty much ANY dating forum on these boards and you will see that quite often people are whining. Why? Because dating is difficult, it's draining, it's emotional...but in the end we all want to be happy with someone...so we do it.