Weird Online Experience

Avatar for sk3035
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-11-2003
Weird Online Experience
36
Fri, 12-23-2005 - 7:52pm

Hi,

I have my profile online on one of the dating/marriage sites. This guy (in the "never married" category) who is good looking and well settled, made contact with me to which I only accepted communicating with him with no message, since there was no message from him.

After about a day or 2, he sent a message on the website telling me that he would like me to email him my picture (he has his pic on the website) and that he would love to talk to me on phone.

I sent him an email telling him that even though the website says that I have never been married, I was actually divorced (I went back after sending him this email and changed my marital status to divorce), that I wanted to be honest with him on the get-go and if he would still be interested, I would be more than happy to email him a pic.

He replied (thanking me for my honesty) that he wants to take a look at the future and go from there, that all of us have a past and that he would look forward to my message and pic. His email made me very happy as it gave me a feeling that this man is matured.

That same day, I emailed him my pic with this message - "Your email brightened my day. I like your attitude and so here goes my pic". This was on tuesday and it's friday and he has not responded.

What do you think? - He did not like my pic, he got busy, he is rude to have not responded to my email, will he email me back. I don't want to pursue him - is there any way I can find out what went wrong? What is the waiting time for gals - how long should a gal wait for a guy to respond before writing him off?

What should I do in case I do get a reply from him? Show a cold shoulder, wait for double the time period and then respond?

Thanks,

SK

Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Sat, 12-24-2005 - 5:02pm

I don't understand. Why are you sobbing about someone you never met who doesn't meet your dating criteria???

Sheri

Avatar for sk3035
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-11-2003
Sat, 12-24-2005 - 5:05pm

The reason why I didn't generalize it because I was hoping for a chance to change things.

He has done computers as well and we talked about it on our first phone conversation. If I had generalized it, it would have completely ruled us out. By specifying the financial aspect, I thought this would make him think to get into a field (computers) where he is already qualified and raise his financial status. I thought he would call me and we might have a chance.

SK

Avatar for sk3035
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-11-2003
Sat, 12-24-2005 - 5:10pm

I'm not sobbing for him as we've had only half an hour conversation and I am in no way attached to him.

I'm sobbing because I have been divorced and have been looking for 5 years. After 5 years, I found someone who was respectful and was doing everything the perfect way. As I said it's very rare to find guys like him on OLD (I don't know how else to explain). And when everything else seems right, it's just 1 aspect that is not right, you feel it more. I'm back to square one. Not sure how long it would take to find another him.

SK

Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Sat, 12-24-2005 - 5:16pm

You've never met this guy and you're trying to get him to change his *career* for you????? Wow...that's beyond presumptuous, IMO.

If a man's financial status is a dealbreaker for you, that's your choice and your perogative...but then *make* it a dealbreaker and just decline to meet him, don't tell him "well, if you change fields and make more money then I could meet you".

How would you feel if he said to you, "well if you lost 25 pounds then I could meet you"?

Sheri

Avatar for sk3035
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-11-2003
Sat, 12-24-2005 - 5:21pm
I got your point and it is clearly my mistake... I am feeling terrible about it already. What can I do? Should I call him and apologise to him?
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-19-2004
Sat, 12-24-2005 - 5:25pm

Do you really feel the only way you could be with him is if he changed his career?

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Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Sat, 12-24-2005 - 5:28pm

Well, I'm been divorced and dating longer than you so I do know how hard it is to find someone you click with and what a disappointment it is when a guy seems great but there's one dealbreaker. I just met someone recently I liked a lot...first guy I've been that interested in in a while!...but he's moving to another state in early January and neither of us is interested in a LDR at this point in our lives.

But if a dealbreaker is a dealbreaker for you, then it's a dealbreaker ;-), no matter how many good qualities he has. Don't let yourself get attached to a fantasy of what could be until you find out whether a guy meets all of your criteria or not.

And no, I wouldn't contact him again. Just let it go.

Sheri

Avatar for sk3035
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-11-2003
Sat, 12-24-2005 - 5:31pm

I want someone like him who is simple, down to earth, honest and caring. Someone who knows what he wants.

He lives with his parents. I have thought about this a lot - with his income so low and mine being on the higher side, in the worst case scenario, I would have to take care of all of us with him contributing less. In that case, I'm better off being single. I would want someone who earns atleast as much as I do, if not more.

SK

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-19-2004
Sat, 12-24-2005 - 5:37pm

I feel the same as you.

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Avatar for sk3035
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-11-2003
Sat, 12-24-2005 - 5:46pm
Thank you. I will keep that in mind...