Weird Online Experience
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| Fri, 12-23-2005 - 7:52pm |
Hi,
I have my profile online on one of the dating/marriage sites. This guy (in the "never married" category) who is good looking and well settled, made contact with me to which I only accepted communicating with him with no message, since there was no message from him.
After about a day or 2, he sent a message on the website telling me that he would like me to email him my picture (he has his pic on the website) and that he would love to talk to me on phone.
I sent him an email telling him that even though the website says that I have never been married, I was actually divorced (I went back after sending him this email and changed my marital status to divorce), that I wanted to be honest with him on the get-go and if he would still be interested, I would be more than happy to email him a pic.
He replied (thanking me for my honesty) that he wants to take a look at the future and go from there, that all of us have a past and that he would look forward to my message and pic. His email made me very happy as it gave me a feeling that this man is matured.
That same day, I emailed him my pic with this message - "Your email brightened my day. I like your attitude and so here goes my pic". This was on tuesday and it's friday and he has not responded.
What do you think? - He did not like my pic, he got busy, he is rude to have not responded to my email, will he email me back. I don't want to pursue him - is there any way I can find out what went wrong? What is the waiting time for gals - how long should a gal wait for a guy to respond before writing him off?
What should I do in case I do get a reply from him? Show a cold shoulder, wait for double the time period and then respond?
Thanks,
SK

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For God's sake - what on earth have I done that people are here to get me?
Fine, I made a mistake and I apologized to him for being blunt. Does this board just wants to torture people who realize and admit their mistakes? Or else just keep on reminding people like me the mistakes that we commit.
That guy got into the nurse profession so that he ALWAYS has a job no matter where he is in the US. He made that clear to me.
BTW and FYI - I did not tell him to change his career FOR ME!! He is a smart guy and if he wanted to pursue it further and I would have declined to meet him, he is the type who would need an explanation for it especially when interest is on both sides. So, if I made clear to him the reason why I don't want to pursue and LEAVING IT TO HIM IF HE WANTS TO CHANGE HIS CAREER or add on anything in addition to his current profession, what is the problem?
If I was his friend (leave aside OLD), I would have suggested him ways on how he can raise himself FOR HIMSELF. So, stop right here people. Give me some credit too..
Rest is upto him, if he really wants to pursue he will do something about it or else I'm already looking elsewhere.
I did post before I saw that you admitted you were wrong and I'm sorry that it seems like I was jumping on you, but I still stand by my opinion. And I am not out to get you but rather hopefully to get you to see that what you said was not all that nice. And in my experience, most people don't need an explanation - I say "we're not a match" or "I didn't feel the connetion I was looking for" and only once or twice have I had someone come back bugging me for an explanation. That sentence says enough.
If you don't want to date someone that makes less money than you, that's fine but don't try to get anyone to change for you. If it's the job security he's after - he will always have that being a nurse but not necessarily in computers. It's his choice that he made and yes, you are telling him that he has to change his career - not necessarily FOR you but rather he needs to if he wants a chance with you. I still find that condescending, IMO, but that's me. You've made your point clear to him and he's free to change his career to be with you or to move on with is life and find someone that will accept him as he is. It's also your prerogative to not accept him the way he is and find someone that meets your criteria. That's the great thing about dating - you can keep looking until you find someone that right for you. But I just don't think that 1) you should have been so blunt (and you've said you realize that so I won't continue to harp on it) or 2) that you should expect someone to change to be with you. Find someone that meets as many of your criteria as possible and go with that. Don't try to make someone fit your mold of what is Mr. Right.
I hope people will leave me alone as far as this guy is concerned. I do not want any more harping on this topic.
Thanks to all people who were polite to me and made me see what I did wrong.
Wow.
You turned down a guy because he doesn't make as much money as you?
Wow. I won't say anything else.
I'd do it.
Thank you, Jennie!!
You made my point ... this guy is not even making 1/3 of what I earn. Since, he didn't get back to me on this, I assume that he does not want to take on more responsibility. Being a nurse, even thought it's a respected career path, you can (as far as my knowledge goes) pick the number of hours you want to work. Considering he is living with his parents, what I was afraid of was taking care of the whole family while he enjoys. His profile says "Live and Let Live - I want to enjoy my life and would like my wife to do the same with her life" (Nothing wrong with that, but it says a lot)
Also, considering that I'm divorced and my previous marraige was not that good, I have worked very hard to get to this point in my career, I would like to settle down with someone who makes atleast as much as I do, so we can both enjoy our lives together. I do not want to do away with my happiness to make someone else's life easy.
And then to have children and make sacrifices to keep the family together ... nah!! I'm better of being single.
SK
Wow. I'm just blown away at how quickly you are to assume that he IS who he says he is.
I would never discuss my income- and have dated men for months without knowing exactely how much they make.
What if you meet him and his picture is 10 years and 70 lbs. ago? What if you find out he's married? You do NOT know this guy and a few conversations does not mean you know him either. This guy could be a child molester. This guy could be a con artist. Did you check him out or did you just assume he's okay because he 'told you so'.
Whether someone makes too little money for you- is the tip of the iceberg. If some guy says that he makes $200k a year- how do you know that it is true???
Please be careful about being so trusting! Don't you guys remember hearing about that famous model Linda Sokel- who went on a "modeling assignment" with a guy who killed her?
How did you plan to track this guy? The internet is dangerous- as well as good- but you have to remember that and not give such personal information out to a complete stranger! And its not necessary to tell someone- "You don't make enough money for me, you're too unattractive, too heavy, or whatever." You just say: "Thanks but I don't think we're a match."
FYI, I know you've been slammed about not dating a guy making enough money- and I will say, honey, I agree with you 100%- its not always about money per say, but lifestyle and the ability to make choices- and how your future will be. So, in that regard, if a guy doesn't make enough money (and you feel you'de be his sugar mama), you don't need a Kevin Federline...
And the same goes for apperance... I'm in shape and its a lifestyle thing- not just what size clothes I'm at. What am I going to have in common with a guy who weighs 300 lbs.- I doubt we spend our free time doing the same types of things.
Hey- I just got slammed by some of my friends picking on me because I didn't want to go out with a waiter. I've got a graduate degree- and what do we have in common- our religions? What would be talk about- my 9-5 life and the steak that his patron didn't like?
The only concern is not to be SO trusting- a guy can claim to make a ton of money- as I've found out (he was a guy who I knew from high school- and he was "higher paying position"- a lawyer)the guy had more debt than I could ever imagine! And he was looking for someone like me who could help him out of his financial situation- he never said that- but I figured him out pretty quickly!
Personally, I think its best to stick with people who live nearby- people who are traceable- you can find out if they are dating just you- or several "yous".
That is another good point.
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