Well ... that happened faster than

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Registered: 03-15-2004
Well ... that happened faster than
38
Sat, 02-17-2007 - 8:40pm

I expected.

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Registered: 03-15-2004
Mon, 02-19-2007 - 4:15am
Yes Mel, you have seen a lot

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Registered: 03-15-2004
Mon, 02-19-2007 - 4:17am
I agree with you about the price of love

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Registered: 03-15-2004
Mon, 02-19-2007 - 4:18am
I bet thats what his family & friends are telling him too! The big DOPE!
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Registered: 03-15-2004
Mon, 02-19-2007 - 4:18am
I 3rd!

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Registered: 03-15-2004
Mon, 02-19-2007 - 4:19am
Yes, i think thats what happened. I began to realize that if he couldnt even begin to picture this being long-term committed, I didnt have a ton of time to wait for him to catch up. & I realized it woudl hurt more, the longer I let it go on. Thanks, R~
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Registered: 03-15-2004
Mon, 02-19-2007 - 4:21am
I know you were really rooting for us, I was too! *sniff sniff*

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Registered: 03-15-2004
Mon, 02-19-2007 - 4:29am

Absolutely. Even though this ended like it did, I am amazed at the closeness & intimacy we developed.

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Registered: 03-27-2003
Mon, 02-19-2007 - 5:04am

Hey Rebecca, I appreciate your conscious and open sharing about your process with Carlos and the other men you met online. I think it is hard to really know to make relationship commitments for the most part especially if we have been burned before or just not ever had done that in our lives. I think any deep, intimate romantic commitment is the same as having kids... it's a leap of faith.

I once told the most intimate relationship I have ever had in my entire life (and she was not my wife) that I could only commit to her in this moment but don't know about the next day or a year from now. I think that was part of the reason why she dumped me (via email no less).
It was just as well for looking back I knew it would not have worked out in the long run.

As I said I wish we/I could really "know" but sometimes it does take a leap of faith to go forward and see what happens. After 5 or so romantic relationships post 19 yr marriage, I still have not really met a woman that I can do that with. To contradict my contention on this leap-of-faith thing, I think I now know I can recognize such a woman when I meet her.
BTW my older brother in Boston is getting married to this woman he met off Match.com. His third, her second. I think they are good for each other and I like her.

Take care and
Hugs to you Rebecca. ,
Mark

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Registered: 09-27-2004
Mon, 02-19-2007 - 11:50am
Keep all of us posted in how you are doing. Like others said, you are a strong woman who stays true to her feelings and beliefs so you'll be just fine, it may take a little time though.....Big hugs to you.
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Registered: 02-20-2004
Mon, 02-19-2007 - 2:39pm

Aww, Rebecca I'm so sorry about you and Carlos. ~Hugs~ I think you are doing the right thing though. My last long term relationship ended because my ex couldn't or wouldn't think about a future with me after dating for over 2 years. I also remember it was like pulling teeth to get him to even commit to exclusivity with me but he eventually did. I should have taken that as a sign way back then, but I continued on hoping that things would be different latter on, but they didn't so I ended it.

It was a hard breakup to go through because we both still cared about eachother a lot but I had to be true to myself and my wants and needs. So I sorta know how you feel. Carlos is foolish to be giving up so easily on your relationship, especially when all you are asking is just exclusivity and not necissarily marriage.

My ex wrote me an email about a month after our breakup, and he basically said similar things Carlos said to you. That I was a great person and deserve so much...and he felt bad for hurting me and not being able to give me what I needed and felt bad that he had his issues. Just like Carlos, he basically resigned himself by saying that he would probably always be that way because those are the cards he was dealt. I know that he is kicking himself now, because he told me he regreted a lot of the decisions he made in our releationship, but now it's too late for "us" because I would always question his actions and words after all I went though with him.

I feel so sad for these guys being so afraid to take a risk in love. They will never understand or know what it's like and they will live a very lonely life. Hopefully they will get the help they need someday. Carlos does sound like a good guy, he just needs to get his deamons figured out, it's a shame that after all of these years he hasn't done anything about it.

Hang in there, you seem like a strong person and the right guy is out there for you!

Jen