Well I broke some of the "rules" ...

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-15-2003
Well I broke some of the "rules" ...
25
Mon, 08-04-2003 - 2:12am
Hi,

Its me again - since the fiasco with Steve I'd dusted myself off and am back in the saddle again (so to speak).

Last night I started chatting on lavalife.com with a guy named Lloyd. He looked really cute in his photos but at first I didn't think we'd have much in common. But I did enjoy talking to him and we added each other to yahoo messenger for future "free" chats.

Today we chatted again for like 3 hours, and in the end he invited me to his place for dinner. I know - typically that implies "I wanna have sex". I decided, "hell he's cute and why the hell not". He also asked me to bring a bathing suit and we could go hot tubbing and swimming at his apartment complex.

Anyway, long story short we pretty much talked for 4.5 hours, he made me a lovely dinner, we spent time in the hot tub, he even gave me some clothes to wear while I waited for my bathing suit to dry (I was wearing it under my clothes).

The whole time he was a perfect gentleman and only gave me a small peck on the lips as we said good night. I really enjoyed being with him and felt very at ease and definitely some chemistry. He's got gorgeous blue eyes!

He is a divorcee and has a young daughter (20 months old) but he only gets limited visitations (apparently the divorce was not amicable by any means, but I didn't pry - yet!). He did appear to really adore his daughter which I thought was sweet. Its very likely he's on the rebound - but I don't care, I just really enjoyed our time together and we'll see what happens, if anything.

Gabi

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iVillage Member
Registered: 04-17-2003
Mon, 08-04-2003 - 6:53am
Hi Gabs, well it only shows that you're not yet tired of dating. Good for you, and it seems he is sweeping you off your feet. Glad you enjoyed the time you spent with him. Any chance of second meeting?

***The whole time he was a perfect gentleman and only gave me a small peck on the lips as we said good night.**

~~~Sounds like you want something more to happen..*wink* *wink*

Well best of luck with Lloyd this time.

~jen

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-16-2003
Mon, 08-04-2003 - 9:12am
Gabi, I can honestly say I agree with you. You are young, single and free to date as you choose. SO, I am happy you had such a wonderful time with this new guy. Lloyd? Is it? WEll now, isnt that cute. Well, do it girl. Have fun, no pressure. That is exactly what I am doing myself. Having fun without worrying about comitting to someone. I say Hoorah for you getting back on the saddle and letting the free spirit take control!!! congrats!


GaiL:)

Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 08-04-2003 - 1:41pm
The "rules" about meeting in a public place aren't there only because of sex...they are in place so you don't get hurt or killed by someone! It's just NOT SMART to go to someone's house before you've met them and had a chance to judge IN PERSON that they are really who they say they are. I'm glad you're ok, but you easily could not have been.

Be safe next time, ok???

Sheri

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 08-04-2003 - 2:44pm
That sounds great and you are very (very!) fortunate he was not a date rapist.
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-15-2003
Mon, 08-04-2003 - 3:11pm
Look I understand in principle its not safe, but I always trust my gut instincts and my gut told me I'd be safe, and my gut was, as it always is, right. If I had any feelings of concern I would have insisted on a public meeting. But talking to this guy, even via chat w/ webcam was almost like I'd been talking to an old friend. And being able to see his face on cam helped confirm he was being sincere.

And meeting him in person just confirmed what my gut was telling me. Maybe its not a good example to set for those who don't have strong senses of intuition, but this is how I've always lived my life and will continue to do so.

Gabi

Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 08-04-2003 - 3:17pm
We've had this conversation before. I have learned that intuition can be *wrong*, even if it's always or almost always been right before, and it's better to be safe than sorry. I just hope the first time it happens to you, it's not a fatal mistake.

One only has to look at how often you read, after someone was hurt or killed by someone, "He seemed like such a nice guy!" to know that instinct isn't always right. I'm sure those women thought that their instincts were good, too.

Sheri




Edited 8/4/2003 3:18:50 PM ET by northwestwanderer

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-16-2003
Mon, 08-04-2003 - 3:25pm
Gabi, I think you know what you are doing, so even if the man did get too frisky...you could handle it. I have had men who are and arent frisky. Some i like, some i dont. So, it just depends on how i feel about them. I have never been wrong and ended up in a bad situation. I listen to my gut as well, and as an adult now I would say it is never wrong. I think we all have a gut instinct, we just listen more to it, the older we get. Where as when we were young, we thought it was nothing to worry about. It all goes with life experience. As adults we know what decisions to make and if we listen to our hearts and instincts, we know what is right. It can happen, but if you feel you had enough info about him and he seemed ok, then no reason why you shouldnt go for it. Im happy for you.

Gail:)

Avatar for kelstev
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 08-04-2003 - 3:26pm
Your gut instincts have not always been right...you've just been lucky. There have been others who have trusted their "gut instincts" and are not here to tell about how wrong they were.

I broke some of the rules as well when I was meeting men online. No I wasn't hurt, but looking back on it now, I was sooooo lucky.

Please be safe.

Kelly :)

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 08-04-2003 - 3:45pm
I cannot believe your post - there is no such thing as gut instinct based on a voice and typing when it comes to avoiding rape and violence - you think because he seemed nice and caring that he wouldn't slash your face or beat you or rape you - how did you know who else would be there, hmmm? No, it would not have been your fault at all if you were beaten or raped - of course not - but why put yourself in that situation based on a gut instinct from typing and talking and a picture on the web that you have no idea was of him - none - you wouldn't swear on it, would you? I cannot stand when women put themselves in these unnecesarily dangerous situations espcially when there are so many coffee shops and malls where you can meet for an hour. Sure, it sounded thrilling, fun but please please balance it against the potential for harm - don't you read the papers - those women went by their gut instincts too - is your gut any better than theirs? Please please do some reading up on this so you can get scared into being more sensible next time.

Also, consider the impression you've given him - likely that you are available for sex and do not think much of your physical safety or your self worth (as in someone who expects to be taken out and courted prior to intimacy) - sure women have married men they slept with on the first date - but why take the risk of making a not so great first impression? That way, if you can't justify changing based on your "gut instinct" maybe that will help. I hope.

Deena (who had her wrists pinned behind her head on a second date with a charming, smart, seemingly classy man - I met him through an ad and this was our second meeting - luckily he stopped trying to have sex with me the third time I said stop - I had just graduated law school and taken the bar - so I too am reasonably intelligent with a strong sense - after all, at that point I had lived in NYC in a tough neighborhood for 28 years - but I guess my gut wasn't as fine tuned as yours . . . , hmmmmm?)

Avatar for kelstev
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 08-04-2003 - 3:46pm
Gail...u know I love ya...lol...you're doing a great job here, but I really believe u are sending the wrong message to some of the younger ppl who post here or lurk here when you say "so even if the man did get too frisky...you could handle it. " You don't know that...no woman knows that. Trusting your gut is not always a sure thing. Too many women have been in situations like this and have had deadly results. Not many women can overpower a man. JMO


Kelly

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