Well, I did it!

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-09-2004
Well, I did it!
8
Sun, 01-29-2006 - 4:38pm
O.k., it was a big step for me, but I finally got the guts to join match. I had seen a guy on there that I was interested in. I decided to just go for it. I have a few uqestions. Do most of you send polite no thank yous to those that wink at you and you're not interested? I have done so for most, but should I? I'm not interested in these guys, but I feel bad sending the response. I don't want to leave them hanging either. Also, I think I'm asking a question I already have the answer to, but I'll ask any way. I got real guts up and winked at the guy I liked ( or am at least attracted to). I noticed he checked out my profile, but I've received no response back. I guess I can assume he's not interested? He must just not do the "polite not interested" response. Oh well. Nothing ventured, nothing gained right?
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-17-2002
In reply to: momma215
Sun, 01-29-2006 - 6:01pm

Good luck with OLD! Know that it can be a very frustrating process sometimes but there are many success stories out here and it only takes one.

You'll find that people have different opinions on receiving the "thanks but no thanks" emails. I for one, do not send them and prefer not to receive them. Especially the canned replies on Match. When you send their "polite reply" to a wink, it says something like "Keep Looking! So and so received your wink and is not interested, but here are 100 other people just like her!" I don't like that "Keep Looking!" It sounds condescending and rude TO ME but that's my opinion. A lot of people out here prefer to get and send the emails. It's just a personal preference and each person has to decide on their own.

Well, give the guy a day or two, but yeah, if he's looked at you and didn't reply to the wink, chances are, he's not interested and is in the "no reply when you're not interested" camp. Don't take it personally because everyone has their own preferences. Maybe he likes blondes and your brunette, he wants someone under a certain height, a body type, specific interests, whatever. It's not you, it's what HE prefers.

131.gif image by y_baros th5K.gif image by jade_simo

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-09-2004
In reply to: momma215
Sun, 01-29-2006 - 7:12pm
Thanks. It's a lot different from eHarmony which is what I'm used to. I liked the privacy. As for the guy, I fit what he supposedly was looking for, but who knows. I really only joined because I was interested in contacting him. Now that I know he's not interested, I'll probably cancel.I know you shouldn't take it personally, butit's hard not to do so.. I think I want a break from it all.
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-17-2002
In reply to: momma215
Sun, 01-29-2006 - 7:48pm

I remember the first guy I emailed WAY back when I started OLD. I fit his "criteria" too but he gave me a "thanks but no thanks" email immediately. I told him it was my first time contacting someone and wondered if he'd give me feedback on if I'd done something wrong. He said no, I just wasn't his "type". Well, according to his preferences in his profile, I was a 100% match. Whatever. I took that one REALLY hard and used to take it to heart and had to learn not to through a lot of hard work. You don't even know this guy from any Joe Schmo on the street so you have to try to not let it get to you. You have no idea why he didn't respond. Maybe it was you, but maybe he met someone, maybe he's not a paying member, maybe he's out of town. Also, think of it this way, you have NO idea if you would have even gotten along in person. Most times, you don't. You were attracted to him but there is a good chance it wouldn't have worked anyway since most OLD meets don't. Don't hang your self-worth on some guy you don't even know!

You can't expect instant results either. OLD takes tons of time and effort and is all a numbers game. You can't expect the first and only wink you sent to work out. Give it a month or two and if you're still not getting the results you want, then cancel. But one thing I've learned... never join Match to respond to ONE guy or b/c you like the way ONE guy looks. 90% of matches ghost after a couple communications. Unless you're willing to keep trying and communicate with a few, you're usually going to be disappointed.

131.gif image by y_baros th5K.gif image by jade_simo

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-09-2004
In reply to: momma215
Sun, 01-29-2006 - 7:58pm
Thanks for taking the time to give me your input. I did cancel though. I just really didn't feel like being in that meat market right now. I think I just want a break from it all and jumped in too soon. I think I also saved myself the money since there is that three day free trial period. They said would end my subscription as of what would be the end of that time. Sooooo, sounds good to me. At least I got the nerve to "approach" a guy I had my eye on. Nothing ventured nothing gained.
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-29-2006
In reply to: momma215
Sun, 01-29-2006 - 11:00pm

Hello Ladies,
First off this is my first post.

Anyway,I recently joined a couple of OLD sites.And I can give you atleast one man's perspective.I Did join after browsing the sites.I guess You could say I joined not for any one person.But To maybe meet a couple of canidates,The funny thing is I am more interested in the women that I didn't notice the first time I joined...

I would only read into the wink and no contact back as a 50/50 shot.I have had a bunch of winks,and have not gotten back to them yet...Although I usually do after a few days..Weather it be yea,or nay..I would give it a few days atleast.Or better yet,send an email,I only send emails..Its more personal for me to get or send email...The wink dosen't really tell me anything about them....Oh,and just for the record,Us guys are big boys and be a strait shooter if your not interested.I have more respect for a strait shooting woman.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-09-2004
In reply to: momma215
Sun, 01-29-2006 - 11:18pm
O.k. since you are being so nice as to give a guy's opinion...if you got a wink from someone you were interested in, wouldn't you respond when you got it? I mean I know he knows I winked and checked my profile. I can't imagine him being interested and going, "Eh, I'll respond later." Also, I think e-mailing him at this point would seem desperate, pushy, stalkerish, anything but sane. I am glad that I at least tried. Otherwise, I would have wondered if he might have been interested. Match just has me uncomfortable because I hate the idea of someone who knows me seeing me on the site. I just feel embarassed.
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-29-2006
In reply to: momma215
Mon, 01-30-2006 - 12:27am

You have a point.But,I want to give you a couple of things to think about...This guy might have a couple of irons in the fire.I mean when I first started OLD over a week ago,I was doing all the sending and waiting..

Now I am trading pics,Talking to several women at once... I am probably on every womans "viewed profile list",And have been there since I started OLD...Have i winked to them all,Nope.Or emailed,Nope...But are there ones I am interested in,Yep..Quite a few actually...

I am currently spending time with women who show sighns of intrest and getting to know them,or say... seem more interested than others....I know you said you did show a sighn of intrest with a wink..So there are some possibilities.

Maybe he has some intrest,but has been OLD for a while and is chatting to many women now or currenlty dating them...Maybe he is a shy guy and thinks you are out of his league or even if his profile said he is ok with kids,and he really isn't..Or a lot of other possibilities,but isnt man enough to say not interested....

If you sent me a wink right now,I would probably take a day or two to email back,even If i veiwed your profile...I dont make snap judgement from a pic and profile and think "this is the most perfect woman in the world,I want to spend the rest of my life with them"..And never even heard the sound of their voice??

When I first joined..Sure I would email back right away....So who knows.Like I said this is all new to me and I am a pretty direct guy.I actually did that..wink..then I sent an email soon after,I was new and trying to figure out how it worked.You are probably right,I think I scared her away...But now,If That happens to me(has not yet)..wink,email..I would make a point to yea,or nay them pretty quick...But without a doubt I know for sure there is a lot of intrest shown...Thats a good thing in my book.

Oh,Dont take OLD too seriously.About the embarassed thing.Its mainstreamed now..It would be flattering if a woman recognised me on the street from OLD...Why?Cause that means,They must have been looking on OLD sites themselvs! I have fun with it actually,My headline is "Are you prepared to lie about where we met?"..Ha Ha




Edited 1/30/2006 12:31 am ET by midwstguy
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-16-2006
In reply to: momma215
Sun, 02-19-2006 - 2:41pm
Good for you! I know I couldn't deal with a 90% rejection rate. Those commercials only tell you about only a success stories. This is medium is an addiction for some people. It's a form of hypnosis. I'm glad you didn't get hooked.