Well, I talked to my friend...

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-17-2002
Well, I talked to my friend...
4
Sun, 05-01-2005 - 10:47pm

My friend with the b/f that stayed over a couple of nights last week and I met some other friends for an early dinner tonight. On the way, I made a comment of something like "Well, D must have had a LOT of laundry to do! He was over at your place for a couple of days!" She just kind of nodded and didn't say anything so I continued with "yeah, I was just surprised to see he was there so much." She didn't really explain but said some things about that "for a guy that didn't want to exchange keys and doesn't want to live with someone b/f marriage, he sure seems comfortable spending time at my place w/o me there. I think it is because my house is so much more a home than his place is. And he cleaned the apartment and baked me cookies and blah, blah, blah." To which I was like, "Mmm-hmmm." and didn't really comment.

After a couple margaritas, on the way home, I asked her, "OK, I have to know, did you know beforehand that he was going to spend the night there." She told me that she might have guessed that he would but she didn't know until after. I told her that I had felt weird b/c there were keys to my place over there. She told me that she was very sorry and didn't blame me for feeling weird b/c she would have too and that she should have told him that it wasn't a good idea to stay overnight without her there.

I guess it boils down that I am still not really comfortable with her answers, but have no choice but to take them at face value. I am unfortunately going to have to spend a lot more time with this guy in the near future (she has invited him to a happy hour we are having on Cinco de Mayo and to her birthday dinner that we normally have as just the girls in a week or so). I know that I am going to feel extremely uncomfortable and creeped out hanging out with him. I get the willies every time I even see his car outside now and think about him spending 72 hours over there without her there. She might be comfortable with it, but I sure wasn't. But I guess there is nothing I can do about it except feel squicked out and grin and bear it.

131.gif image by y_baros th5K.gif image by jade_simo

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-22-2003
Sun, 05-01-2005 - 11:30pm
vexer, i dont know the whole story but sounds like you dont ge ta good feeling about your friend's b/f ... the best thing you can do is grin/bear it. It is tough, been there done that so many times. The best part of wha tyou've done is expressed your honest opinion and feelings. At some pt your friend will probably realize these things. Until then, you have to be the friend that is there. If you two are true friends you will get thru it. I knw it is tough.
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-16-2004
Mon, 05-02-2005 - 5:30am
v- I agree too - you gotta grin and bear it. Just hang in there because you're probably only a month or two from her coming to you with these complaints as if she just figured it out..
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-17-2002
Mon, 05-02-2005 - 11:08am

I will definitely do my best. Sad thing is, I don't think this friend will get rid of him even if he does wind up being a total freak/stalker. She stayed with her last b/f for 10 years - about 9 years longer than she should have. He cheated on her, lied to her and treated her like total crap but she "had a boyfriend" so she took it. She has pretty low self-esteem and hasn't dated anyone in the 5 years since this guy dumped HER and got married to someone else. I honestly think she will be the same way with this guy. The couple of offhand comments she has made about him about him being a little odd are overshadowed by the "and he cleaned my house and made me cookies and picked me up from the airport and can I invite him next week..." chatter. Knowing this friend as I do, I could see her even marrying this guy because she doesn't have any better opportunities. I would hate to see her in this relationship for the rest of her life (or however long it is) but I don't plan on ruining my friendship her over it. All of us feel uncomfortable with him and are not looking forward to Thursday. We have a new nickname (inspired by thinking similar to lg's) and we call him PST - Panty Sniffing Terrorist. Yeah, we're mean be-yotches but that is completely the picture we all have now.

Oh and sg77, yes, you are right. Last week, I had a post that involved me being really freaked out b/c this guy was staying at my friend's house while she was out of town. We share a duplex and I was collecting her mail and "house-sitting" for her so there was no good reason for him to be there other than he was upset she was gone for a week and wanted to hang out at her house. She told me he would be over a "few hours to do his laundry" and he got there before I got home from work on Wednesday and didn't leave until after she returned home.




Edited 5/2/2005 12:01 pm ET ET by vexer_hw

131.gif image by y_baros th5K.gif image by jade_simo

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-20-2004
Mon, 05-02-2005 - 12:03pm

Vex-

Trust me I have been in your shoes. One thing I have learned....You can NEVER talk a woman out of loving a man.

All you can do is be a supportive friend. She is going to need you.

Jodie

 

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