Well, if it seems too good to be true...

Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Well, if it seems too good to be true...
14
Mon, 02-05-2007 - 12:58pm

...it probably is. I've decided not to see "R" any more...I found out something about him that made me uncomfortable with his character so Sat night I decided that I wasn't comfortable having him in my house at this point (he was supposed to come over and watch the Superbowl with me, and he made this big deal about making me his famous chocolate chip cookies for the game because I sprained my ankle last week and can't do much). So I decided to call him Sunday morning to cancel--I just said I wasn't feeling well and wasn't feeling up for having company (I didn't want to get into a big heavy discussion at that point) and that I was sorry to have to cancel and I hoped it was early enough he could make other plans. Well, he says, oh, I guess you haven't gotten my email yet. Well, he was cancelling on ME for a reason that was so transparently a lie it wasn't funny. But I just let it go since I was doing the same to him.

It's funny, I've had this feeling about him since about the 3-4th date and I was thinking that it was just my reaction to the fact that he seemed so available and like a good fit for me (because I tend to be attracted to unavailable men). But that feeling was what led me to keep dating other people and I'm glad I did.

I don't want to get into the details of what I found out (it has to do with a posting online--and no, we're not exclusive but it's the *nature* of the posting, plus he's gone to such lengths to tell me he's not seeing anyone else) but it definitely made me realize (again!) that when someone makes a big deal about how honest and upfront they are, it's probably a lie. I am proud of myself for not stooping to emailing him from a fake address to "trap" him--I've stooped to that before and this time I'm just listening to my gut and walking away. I am angry enough that I'm not planning on saying anything to him, I'm just going to ghost and he can figure it out. He emailed me this morning with some more lies, it's kind of amusing at this point, actually.

So I'm wishing I'd invited Batchelor #2 to watch the Superbowl with me instead (he and I had a nice 2nd date Thursday night) but oh well. I did try calling him last minute to see if he wanted to come over but he'd of course made other plans.

I really need to learn to trust my gut more. It's never been wrong when it's negative (it's been wrong plenty of times when it's positive though!). But I'm so aware of my tendency to fall for unavailable guys that I tend to bend over backwards to make sure I'm not rejecting a guy who seems available because he's available, if that makes any sense.

Anyway...onwards and upwards.

Oh, and I found out the Rescheduler has serious heart disease (even has a defibrulater implanted in his chest), that's why he's been so sporadic and is sick so often. So it's not personal, although he's not a good bet for a relationship where I want to see the person more than every 2 weeks or so (he said that's all he feels comfortable committing to, which I can understand but that's not really enough for me).

Sheri

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Registered: 09-27-2004
Tue, 02-06-2007 - 1:38am
I'm right there with you SP. Even if it doesn't work out with my bf, it has renewed my faith that there are good guys out there. That's all it takes sometimes is just one good guy and dating that guy for a little bit to renew your hope and faith. So just remember Sheri that there are good men out there and I think you have met one in guy #2 but just need to give it a little more time just to see.......
Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 02-06-2007 - 11:52am

Thanks, Jennie, SP and biochic. I appreciate the support and kind words. We'll see what happens with bachelor #2...

Sheri

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-09-2005
Wed, 02-07-2007 - 10:29am
Oh darn! Stay strong Sheri, there is someone out there! Although B#2 is still an option, I still think you should continue dating others. I'm going through the same thing, but trying to stay positive. Yeah, I get bummed sometime but the feeling doesn't last as long. Thank goodness for our gut instincts though! Be grateful you are not so "desperate" to ignore those feelings. Good luck!!!
Avatar for mhash
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Wed, 02-07-2007 - 1:45pm

Awww thanks for the testimonial Sheri. BTW to all who post here, Sheri and I actually met. She is in Seattle and I'm in Portland. Hey Sheri I have that picture of us when you visited. Did I send that to you?

Mark

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