Well, it's Definate Now...

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-08-2006
Well, it's Definate Now...
6
Fri, 11-10-2006 - 3:27pm

I cant believe I did this, but I did… I let my anxiousness get the best of me and I got out of control and I think I pushed this guy away (that is if he wasn’t already "not interested" to begin with) because I've been so frustrated that I contacted him 2 more times. Crazy, I know, and I know now in hindsight that it was the wrong thing to do, but I cant go back and undo it and now I'm so upset over this. This first date seemed to go so well, he made a point of making clear what a good time he had, even called me after the date to reinforce that, and the fact that he wanted to see me again, how all of a sudden could he start ignoring me for no apparent reason?? (I know why he's ignoring me NOW, but before I sent him all the contacts I mean). Here's all the contacts today:

1. This morning I sent him a funny picture comment on myspace (we've been doing that every day). To this, he responded with a quick picture comment back and wrote "I hope you have a good day" under it.

2. For the past week or so he's been texting me non-stop all day, so I thought it would be ok to send him a text and I wrote "How's your day going? Slow day here, etc etc" - no response to that

3. Then I started getting frustrated and I waited a while and I sent him an email on myspace because I noticed that he's been on most of the day. My email said "I was just wondering, you said you were buzzed last night (he has 1 drink) so I just wanted to ask you again, did you have fun last night? I saw that he read it, but I got no response.

4. Then I was really upset and I waited a while longer and I sent him a text that said "should I take it that you're not really interested? Its ok, I just want to know". You guessed it. No response.

Guys, PLEASE PLEASE DON’T BEAT ME UP ON THIS. I do know that I was wrong in sending all those contacts and now I feel like such and idiot because of it, so any "beating up" responses here will make me feel even worse. I am definitely not sending anything else, don’t worry, but I just wanted to hear some opinions on this or if any of you have experienced anything similar?

Thanks
Jacki

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-27-2004
Fri, 11-10-2006 - 3:47pm
I'm sorry to hear that you went through this. It's so frustrating when guys just don't let you know what is going on and just disappear on you without an explanation. I think it's rude and we've talked about this on another board and this board quite a few times.
I can definately understand why you would have emailed him 2x in this sense even though you know that you probably shouldn't have. It was due to sheer frustration and you did it spur of the moment. So yes don't beat yourself up for it just know that you did it because you were angry and be aware of it next time.
I have had a similar thing happen to me a few times but a friend of mine has had it happen to her countless numbers of times and I feel so aweful for her and she's so beautiful, fun and smart too so I just dont' understand why. I think unfortunately its' the norm for guys to just disappear in the early stages because of maybe finding someone else or just not being all that interested, but they would rather disappear than hurt your feelings. I personally would rather get an explanation than just have someone disappear because that is the coward's way out. I wish that guys just knew that most of us women would rather hear that they didnt' feel the connection or are pursuing someone else than just be ghosted on. They need to learn that it actually is worse for us when they give us no answer.
I know it doesn't feel this way now but honestly it's probably best that he did this early on so that you don't feel even more hurt later on after getting emotionally attached and so that it frees you up to meet someone who really is into you and more suited for you.
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-08-2006
Fri, 11-10-2006 - 3:48pm
Well, I cant believe this, but it turns out after all that, I JUST NOW got a missed call and it was from him. He then texted me and it said "Hi, no, dont take it that way, Sorry, I am having a really bad day dont take it personal". Now I REALLY feel like a complete idiot. This guy must think i'm a psycho. A lady at work said its good that I wasnt around to answer the phone call and that I shouldnt answer the text right away, that I should wait for him to contact me again so that he doesnt think i'm smothering him.
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-27-2004
Fri, 11-10-2006 - 4:15pm
Glad that you heard from him. Sometimes we can get carried away because of past disappointments and being disappeared on. Just take things one day at a time and let him set the pace. That's a good sign that even though he may have thought that you overreacted that he still called you so he must want to still give this a shot with you.
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-04-2006
Fri, 11-10-2006 - 5:45pm

Take it slow luv.....that is S...L...O...W....

The ball is in his court, and now you have reached out - just let him grab hold and see what happens, not a big deal...but I like to be persued...

When my SO calls, and I miss his call, thats ok - I know that he will call back, and it makes me feel good that he is thinking of me enough to call, its not a game. But I have learned to take a step back and let my SO do a bit of persuing ( I typically fall into that catagory - I see it, I want it, I go for it...)

SO...sit back and enjoy the ride and enjoy his pursuit of you

cheers
sarah

Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Fri, 11-10-2006 - 6:16pm

I agree with vexer's suggestion to you on the other board as to how to respond to the text.

Not going to beat you up...you obviously realize that you went overboard...but I hope you've learned something from the experience. Next time, I would recommend letting the guy contact you first after a date.

Sheri

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-12-2004
Fri, 11-10-2006 - 11:55pm
I'm not going to beat you up (although by my count you contacted him four times, not two), and I'll certainly keep my fingers crossed for you, but I don't think you should answer his text at all. (You mentioned you weren't going to answer right away.). Hopefully, he sent it because he wants to date you, but he might just not want to hurt your feelings. As a rule, I don't respond to e-mail or text messages from men, only phone calls. Maybe once every week or two I'll randomly respond to an e-mail/text just to be polite or surprise them, but in general, guys know (i) if they want to contact me, they'll need to pick up the phone (ii) I'm not the kind of girl who will settle for sporadic e-mails or texts, particularly when there's no planned date coming up. This is more fun for me anyway (I like to go back through my saved voice mail now and then and listen to the messages -- reading e-mails is just not the same). Also, just because a guy sends an e-mail or text does not mean he likes you, especially if he does not call often to ask you out. For example, he could be on a date with another girl sending you a text. (And even regular phone calls mean nothing if they are not leading to regular dates). By making a habit of not communicating with men by e-mail or text-message, you will automatically not be keyed up wondering when the next one is coming in, and whether he'll respond to the last reply you sent. I have several male friends, and it became apparent from watching them that they NEVER ONLY text or e-mail girls they really like. They will call the girl at least 2-3 times a week and then text or e-mail in between. One guy even told me he was afraid of "insulting" a girl he really liked by texting her rather than calling. So good luck and don't sell yourself short -- we're all better than wondering and waiting when the next e-mail is coming in. That's just as bad, if not worse, than waiting for a phone call. I really think some people believe e-mailing or texting a guy who hasn't called somehow looks better, less desperate, than calling him. I disagree, first because it conveys timidity ("I want to know why you haven't called but I'm afraid to call you, so I'll e-mail or text you.") and second, because it's so easy to e-mail/text that it leads to multiple communications, whereas it's hard to leave more than one unresponded-to voice mail without feeling pretty foolish. But this is all just my opinion. Overall, it is a good sign that he called, and I hope you let him call again before you even pick up the phone!