Well...a recap...and opinions wanted
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| Fri, 01-05-2007 - 9:44pm |
So....my LD/OL Romance came here to see me for 5 days....THe poor thing had to endure over 6 hours of travel once he landed at DIA...we were in the midst of Blizzard #2 and the main hwy's were closed!!! Ok....fast forward he finally gets here ...YAY! I think he is adorable - he is a big teddy bear...I had told him that I loved goatee's and he grew one for me = tres sexy! We gathered my stuff and left my house to go to his hotel. I know I know...caution caution...but I felt perfectly safe! We went out to a lovely dinner - I was so 'nervous' that I could barely eat! We went back to the hotel and had a very romatic evening... He indulged me in so many many gorgeous gifts - and all I really wanted was just him for the holiday's! THe next few days went by in a blur...we went snowmobiling up in the mountains - so gorgeous and a perfect day! and made plans to go to a great place on NY's eve that has a great band and atmosphere....We made the decision to take the shuttle there so that we did no have to worry about driving etc...SO we drove to the p/u point - got the shuttle and went to the club. We were there quite early so we were hanging out with the owners, the band etc... J had a few cocktails...I dont drink much so I had 1 or 2...we started chatting up a bunch of people, etc - you know perfectly harmless. He then proceeds to tell me that you would be 100% perfect if not for your weight????? Now I am not skinny and far from obese - I need to lose at least 25 lbs - I was 'gobsmacked' this coming from a guy who is 6ft and over 280!!!! Okay - so I let that go....
Then after a few cocktails we are talking to these 2 girls at the bar, one of them asks me if I want to join a 3sum...OMG!!!! You should have seen the look on my face - I could not even answer that one... Later on the other girl tells me that she really has the hots for J - you know the guy I am with!!! I know that she was completely trashed - so I didnt pay any attention to her at all. Okay...now fast forward to after midnight...time to leave so J and I get in the shuttle and Miss Thang (the one who declared that she had the hots for J)gets in as well...she is MORE than trashed now...John is pretty wasted as well but a bit more under control than Miss Thang...At one pt during the ride home she starts kissing him!!!! AND HE IS KISSING HER BACK!!!!! OHMYGAWD!!!! I said AHHHH EXCUSE ME - so they stopped!!!
Welll I was so PISSED...we got to the car - J would not give me the keys. SO we staeyed in the car... He passed out and I was FUMING!!!! OH MY GAWD!!!! How could I have let my self be so vulnerable..etc etc etc...We got back home and I told him that I was so hurt and my feelings were so hurt, that my heart is very very fragile and that I never wanted to feel so compromised again, he felt very bad...Apologized over and over....I said I know you are sorry....I never said that I forgave him or that it was ok...because I am still not sure about it all...I have NEVER had anything like that happen in my life!! This is almost surreal this is the man that sent me flowers, personalized M&M's, and handmade chocolates...He gave me a Tiffany diamond (paperweight) for Christmas!
I am SO CONFUSED....I am staying cool....He tells me he loves me... and does not call as much as he did before he came out - but I think that is to be expected (anticipation and all!)
HELP I need Perspective and Guidance!
Cheers
Sarah

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Sarah, I am soooooooooooooo sorry you had to go through this! To me, any guy and I mean ANY GUY who would kiss another girl in front of you is not worth anything... If the guy I am with did that, he'd be nexted with the quickness!!! If a guy respects and cares about your feelings he's not going to kiss a girl back! I'm not saying a girl won't kiss him, but it's up to him to continue... I've been around a few guys that do this and please believe me that it's just not worth it. Regardless of why he did it, you deserve better! Maybe he's not calling you plain out of embarrassment...
My advice? Drop this guy... if he was an honest, true man he would not have kissed another chik, especially in front of you! Leave him be and keep moving forward...look for a guy who will treat you like the gem you are!
Edited 1/5/2007 11:03 pm ET by cl-bklynchik
Wow, I'm sorry you had to go through that. I don't know how to say this other than to just say it...but I don't understand why you're even thinking of continuing with this guy. I know you've got to be disappointed after all the anticipation but JEEZ LOUISE!!! All the gifts in the world can't make up for him being a jerk, IMO!
Sheri
This guy is a serious loser. You shouldn't even be wanting to speak to him again. No amount of apologising on his part can make up for the hurt that he has already caused, and if you were to continue with him, i am sure that there would be even more hurt to come in the future, after of course he forced to you to whittle down your weight until you were a size 0.
Try and forget about this guy. There are plenty more lovely, caring, decent and honest men out there that you are deserving of. You deserve more than a shallow, uncaring and unfeeling guy who gets so trashed in front of you that he makes out with someone else.
Good luck with it all but remember, you're more worthy than that treatment.
I agree with the other posters - this guy is a total cad.
THanks for all of your great and encouraging words...they really mean alot...I mean I was thinking it was just me!!! The whole thing is a bit surreal if you ask me - I just dont get it at all...
I have left the ball in his court, let him pursue me and the relationship if he wants to... he is calling me and telling me that he loves me etc...but I am remaining quite subdued about the whole thing. It definitely has been an EYE Opener...Guy friends of mine that I have relayed the saga to agree that he is an insecure jerk and I deserve better...
I just have a difficult time changing gears - you know having feelings for someone and then having to turn them off...yikes!
cheers
Sarah
Sarah,
Do you really want to even bother with him? So if he pursues you, then what? Does that mean he's not a jerk anymore? If you allow this guy a foot back in the door, he will likely disrespect you again. The question is--do you respect yourself enough to shut him out of your life? What a person does is early on is a good indication of what you can expect later on in the relationship. At some point you have to believe in yourself enough to believe you deserve better, it's not enough for us to just say it to you.
Sarah, I'm so sorry.
That really is horrible. I can't believe he would treat you so badly. He's really not worth spending any more time on. He was insensitive, mean and a lousy drunk. I really hope that you find the strength to move on from this and to "change your gears". It's time to take the ball back. Why would you even WANT him to "pursue you" at this point?? This does NOT have to be about HIM and whether or not HE wants to pursue the relationship. You need to be strong and think about whether or not YOU want to pursue a relationship with someone like that. Of course he's sorry - he acted like a first rate a$$. But you know what, if he loved you, he wouldn't have treated you that way. Everyone is telling you that he is an insensitve jerk and that you should put this in your past. Please listen to them. An outside perspective is very valuable in this situation because you are looking at this through rose colored glasses.
And honestly, PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE don't take this as a "kicking you while you're down" because so SO completely don't mean it that way, but I think this experience is a valuable lesson for people doing OLD. Try to not get so attached before meeting. Because as we've said over and over, the person you know online and on the phone may not be the person you meet in person. It's their best face online. Until you know someone in person and have spent significant time together, try your best to keep grounded and not fall in love with the persona they have portrayed.
Thank you THank You THank YOU ALL for being the voice of strength and reason!!!! You are all absolutely right and I will empower myself with all of your words and wisdom!
I will keep reading and re-reading your words so that they give me the continued strength - I know better than to allow myself to be treated in any fashion less than we all deserve.
I will keep you all updated on the latest...After a situation like this how does one get back on the saddle and want to go forward and think about OLD again...??? UGH!
Cheers
Sarah
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