What about this situation?
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What about this situation?
| Sun, 05-01-2005 - 8:15am |
I just joined eharmony yesterday. It seems to be a good way to see how compatible you are with someone else.
Last night I talked to a man on the phone who is supposedly very compatible with me. This is the thing. He's got a *tough guy* voice (I've never been into tough guys) and I'm not sure if I'm attracted to him.
Do you think I should at least meet him to see if there is any chemistry. I know the compatibility thing is important but just how important is it?
If you are very compatible with someone does that override other things?

Sigh. eHarmony's supposed "compatibility matching" really doesn't mean a whole lot. A friend of mine and I were both members at the same time. While she and I are not REALLY different, we have many things that are VERY different about us. We got sent almost identical matches while she was a member. I think more of what it was is that we are pretty close in age and in the same metro area so they are going to set us up with the same men that sign up.
I have had over 400 matches over the last year+ from them and met several men from there but had absolutely no chemistry with any of them. They were not bad people, but no spark with any of them. That is not to say that it won't happen for you. I suggest you meet this guy. Maybe the tough guy voice is something he does when he gets nervous and he really is a great, sweet guy. Maybe not. But you will never know until you meet him in person. If you seem to have shared a lot in common over email and on the phone, great!! Meet him and see if it transfers to in person.
But keep in mind that just b/c eH says you have a lot in common according to their silly test doesn't mean that you will. The last guy I met from there and I had absolultely nothing in common other than the fact we grew up in the same Tulsa suburb in Oklahoma. We had completely different tastes in music, movies, TV tastes, what we liked to do for fun, etc. But eH had said we were very compatible - hmmmm.
I hope I am not bringing you down or sounding pessimistic - I am trying to be more realistic. Just know that you will never know about a person until you meet them and you have nothing to lose but a couple hours of your time. Good luck.
Thanks for your honest answer, I'm not sure what I'll do, but I don't have a positive feeling about it...lol.
In the meantime I have written back and forth to someone on Match this morning who I am VERY interested in. The problem is trying not to get my hopes up too high.
Why is this so hard?...lol
Some suggestions for not getting your hopes up:
1. Don't write "back and forth" a lot before meeting. Don't answer emails right away, wait at least a few hours, if not a day or two. Space the emails out if for some reason you can't meet right away.
2. Don't exchange more than 2-4 emails before moving to the phone and/or making a plan to meet for coffee.
3. Every time you think about him, STOP yourself, and tell yourself, "I don't even KNOW this guy! Yes, he seems great on paper, but of course that doesn't always translate into real life chemistry. I'm not going to have any expectations until we at least meet in person".
Sheri
Great advice, once again, Sheri!
Btw, how are things with you?