What advice would you give OLD newbies?
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What advice would you give OLD newbies?
| Fri, 03-25-2005 - 12:04am |
We have so many smart and experienced OLD people on this board, what important advice can you share with the newbies about doing Online Dating? Feel free to share a little or a lot...

1. Meet soon.
Emailing back and forth might *seem* like a good, safe, cautious way to "get to know" someone (ie, to see if they're a decent, good person instead of a psycho axe murderer stalker rapist dude or dudette), but in reality it doesn't do you much good. Why?
Because the crazies can just *look* normal anyway, and through email it's even easier.
More than that, when you email back and forth a bunch, you don't really get to know the person like you can in just a few minutes with them in person. The vast majority of human communication is not conveyed with written words; non-verbal cues like body language are very important. What you're actually "getting to know" is an idea in YOUR head about how someone is.
Instead, meet early. Be careful- meet in a public place, don't let them see you drive in/out if you can help it... but meet early. Why not? After all, meeting someone in person is going to give you the quickest idea whether or not they're a match.
That's my tip. I'm sure others will write about things like "post pictures, don't waste time with endless back-and-forth, get a copy of HJNTIY, lower expecations, learn about ghosts..."
I'll add to your *meet soon* bit by saying, meet soon because the longer you spend emailing the more likely it is you will fall for a fantasy. It is very very easy to be attractive online (ie easy going, funny, honest, romantic), you must meet face to face to see the real deal.
But my number one advice tip is to research research research about online dating before you start! This is a different dating arena than in real life and it's important to know beforehand what you are faced with. Believe me, newbie, you will be sparing yourself much disappointment and hurt feelings.
Number two advice: for pete's sake have some fun with it!!
amjay
1. Spend 1 to 3 days reading old messages on this board.
2. Visit JH's website as it has tons of FAQ and other info
3. BEFORE you post an online profile make sure it is "presentation quality". As a new online member your profile will generate a lot of attention. Make sure it is the right attention by being specific and focussed in what you write.
4. Consider online dating a WEAK form of attracting potential dates. That's right - I said weak. Just because you read or hear or know about a friend who married the first person who emailed them -- do NOT under any circumstances believe that this is how all of online works.
Most online meetings go nowhere. The exceptions are those who you read about that met one person and took their ad down permanently.
Couple of really good points in there:
-"BEFORE you post an online profile make sure it is "presentation quality" "make sure it "being specific and focused in what you write"
its a resume of sorts...being specific is important..will help to weed out some of the nutballs-my first ad was not specific..they came OUT of the woodwork..including a nudist (or so he said, was probably putting me on)
"Consider online dating a WEAK form of attracting potential dates"
couldn't agree more with this..again, its like the "job hunt"-"What Color is Your Parachute" says never to depend on just one source to find a job-should use several methods. Seems like the same could apply for a "mate hunt". It also said only 4% return of people using the internet for there job search were actually hired. Interesting stats.
I wondered from the time this OLD thing started, what the stats would be of ACTUAL success (getting married or getting in a lasting LTR)..don't know if there's any good data on it yet.
Like with most things, just important to keep an open mind.