WHAT am I doing wrong

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-06-2003
WHAT am I doing wrong
12
Tue, 03-30-2010 - 6:20pm

I've been ghosted again, by two different men. One was supposed to email me monday for a meeting after work on Weds (this from an email on Friday that he said he would get back to me no later then monday) I so not going to drop everything to go out tomorrow without any plans set until the last minute.

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Avatar for mhash
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Tue, 03-30-2010 - 8:52pm

My take with online dating is that if you look good in the photo and the essentials match on the profile (e.g. height, some interests, etc.) then I'd contact the woman.

Now AFTER the contact and the guy ghosts then it has nothing to do with the profile.

If you are following the OLD rules of no extended or prolonged email-text-IM exchanges before phone and/or meeting then it's a numbers game and the demographics (where you live, how old you are, you life situation).

As a guy, I have found I get a 10% response rate from my first time OLD messages. The percentage goes down to actually meeting the woman.

I look to meet the woman ASAP to determine chemistry, etc. for it does not matter how intellectually compatible we are, it is that face-to-face experience.

Good luck,
Mark

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-06-2003
Tue, 03-30-2010 - 9:03pm

Mark,


Thanks for you reply.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 12-27-2001
Wed, 03-31-2010 - 8:21pm
I tried to take a look at your profile, no go. Any way I could get access to the link a different way? Thanks.
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-02-2003
Wed, 03-31-2010 - 8:48pm

Why on earth do you think there is anything wrong with YOU?

Chances are really good that these guys chicken out because what they truly have to offer doesn't match their profile in some way. It is far more likely there is something wrong with THEM.

sooooobig
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-06-2003
Thu, 04-01-2010 - 5:58am

sorry, that's the only way I know how to post it, it worked fine for me when I clicked it, maybe the site was down when you tried (match has been having issues this week)


Sooobig, thanks for the encouragement!

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iVillage Member
Registered: 05-06-2008
Thu, 04-01-2010 - 11:57pm

This stuff happened to me all the time. I'd have guys ask for my number and never hear from them again, but they were still on line. Some are just playing, some change their minds, some are just jerks and like jerking people around.

I'm seeing someone now I met on OLD. He said women do the same thing, so it's not just guys who do it. He found OLD to be soul crushing, so there ARE men out there who are sincere.

But believe me, I think I had about 40 first dates in the last two years courtesy of OLD. Three lead to something that lasted more than one date, but each of them wound up being guys who dumped me, and in spectacular ways. ALL of them were constantly "looking" even after we were seeing each other over the course of months.

It's hard...it's a convenient way to meet people, but there is a set of rules that go along with OLD that seem to promote ghosting and disposing of people (the "date three at once" rule that seems pervasive)

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-23-2009
Fri, 04-02-2010 - 8:26am

You might want to supplement OLD with Meetups.com


They have activity groups for singles, as well as groups open to anyone. You will find more men at the outdoors groups such as kayaking, hiking, bicycling, etc. A surprisingly large amount

Avatar for mhash
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Fri, 04-02-2010 - 9:56am

I think by the nature of OLD where it's gives the illusion of instant availability so it's like catalog shopping. We can view from pages of potential partners thinking we can pick and choose anyone off the site.

The sites give the impression that just because I have that choice then I can *have* that woman and if not then I can just choose another one.

I think the constant looking may be an age-related thing too. I believe the younger the population the higher tendency is to do that. I may be wrong about that. Those of you women in your late 40s or 50s can contradict me if you wish.

Plus it is easier to hide behind a computer rather than engage in real life.

Mark

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-10-2008
Fri, 04-02-2010 - 4:07pm
We're sorry, the profile you're looking for could not be found. Please try another profile.
I could not tell what was wrong!!

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iVillage Member
Registered: 01-25-2010
Fri, 04-02-2010 - 4:32pm
I tried to see your profile but it was gone. One it is always a numbers game! As a guy I find that is part and parcel as it is easy to reject for many differing reasons. Sometime is it because of schedules.
Dating years ago and today is a big difference!
A lot of factors: how old you are,where you live,(GDU?) ,supposed interests,how many others have answered the ad etc.
My grandmother's rule: be seen,be seen,be seen! Are you going to where there are men? Are you approachable? Did you come with a gaggle of girls or you best male buddy? Did you include your kids in the photos?
Also what was you self description? If it was anything like your handle here I can see why they are not repeating. It reads as"you are not important", you are here too support me and the boys.

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