What to believe?

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-01-2005
What to believe?
1
Sun, 12-03-2006 - 7:43pm

Hello all!
I am in a very crazy situation. I've been seeing this guy for about two months now. We met online, and hit it off right away. However, because of previous experiences with men I dated who weren't on the up and up, I decided to take things really slowly. The guy and I have never had sex, because I wanted to make sure that he was a genuine person. Anyhow, things have been good over the past few months. He had even expressed that he was falling in love with me...(he did say it a bit sooner than I expected...)Well, he had begun to grow on me more and more; I had reached the point recently where I began to really fall for him. I know that two months is quick...this is why I was still cautious.

Well, this morning, I get a MySpace message (I met him on MySpace) from a woman who claims that she's his girlfriend and that he is cheating on her with me and that he cheats regularly. She told me that he is a con man who gets women to fall for his schemes. Needless to say, I was upset...I calmed down and I called him to confront him about it. He said that it wasn't true (as if he'd say anything else if it were). In hindsight, I wish I had investigated more before doing that. Let me tell you why I called him so quickly: ALMOST THE EXACT SAME THING HAPPENED TO ME WITH MY EX!!! Except, it was my ex's wife who called...he said she was his ex-wife who hated him and didn't want him to be happy...I believed him and tried to make it work; however, we broke up shortly after that because I couldn't trust him. So, why is this happening to me again? I'm a good person and I don't deserve to be hurt like this.
Anyway, the guy I'm seeing (or was seeing up until today) said that this woman is his son's mother and she made up this story because he wouldn't give in to the advances she's made on him; he says she's been trying to sleep with him. He didn't want to, so she decided to say all these things (some of the things she said about him are really serious; I won't mention them on here). She basically called him a liar and a cheater. Is it possible that she'd make up this elaborate lie? Do people really do this? She told me that she knows where he is when he isn't with me and that he was with four different women last month. How could she know all this if it wasn't true?
Now, I can't stop crying...and I don't know why. I didn't have sex with him...however, I really cared for him. I feel like an idiot because I keep emailing him...what for? Although he denies that what she said is true, he isn't making much effort to try to convince me of it. It's almost like he's indignant with me for questioning it. Has this ever happened to anyone? Have you ever been lied to several times and just when you think you've met someone good, it happens again? This has happened to me four times in the last two years!!! I can't take it anymore!!
What do I do to get over this?

Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
In reply to: mali2579
Sun, 12-03-2006 - 9:54pm

Of course it's possible that she made all or some of it up. Anything's possible...people do some really weird things (and of course the obvious question is, if she knows all this bad stuff about him, why is she with him?). But given that he's not trying very hard to convince you that the things she said aren't true and is annoyed with you for asking questions about it, I'd definitely be wondering what the truth was.

And yes, I've had the bad fortune to be involved with two liars in a row...it definitely does a number on you. That's why I'm extra cautious now to not get involved with people who lie in their profile or with people who are not consistent with their words and actions. But if someone is a really good liar, it can be hard to protect yourself, even if you're cautious.

A couple books I found helpful in the aftermath of dealing with the liars I was involved in are "When Your Lover is a Liar" by Susan Forward and "101 Lies Men Tell Women" by Dory Hollander.

Sheri