What to do?

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-31-2005
What to do?
10
Sat, 01-14-2006 - 12:02pm

I met this guy 2 weeks ago

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-18-2005
In reply to: cl_bklynchik
Sat, 01-14-2006 - 12:28pm

I would just say "you're not feeling it" because you aren't. No need to make him feel bad or lower his self esteem. If you choose not to see him just say that chemistry isn't really there for you.

 
 
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-09-2003
In reply to: cl_bklynchik
Sat, 01-14-2006 - 3:34pm

if it is only weight and yuo would date him otherwise maybe you should give him a chance. I see you are trying to loose weight too. So if he is planning on this , you might be a great motivation for each other. Men lose weight at a much faster rate than women.
So if you think there is chemistry otherwise, go on another date and bring up your dieting/fitness plan and see if he is interested.

In my experience and age (30 y/o) it is hard to meet someone you like everything about so you got to be willing to compromise a little if the ther traits are there.

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-21-2004
In reply to: cl_bklynchik
Sat, 01-14-2006 - 3:45pm

It sounds like the chemistry just isn't there for you.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 12-18-2005
In reply to: cl_bklynchik
Sat, 01-14-2006 - 7:35pm
My vote is for telling him the truth *to his face* in a nice, caring way like you told us here. He probably already can feel it. I know if someone told me the chemistry just wasn't there, I'd ask if it was my weight and then they're gonna say "yes" anyway. Might as well just sack up and be honest, ya know?
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-01-2005
In reply to: cl_bklynchik
Sat, 01-14-2006 - 7:59pm

How much weight are we talking? Something that can't be lost?

Anyway, if you're really not feeling it, I'd tell him, but don't be specific. Odds are, he'll know it's his weight anyway.


Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
In reply to: cl_bklynchik
Sat, 01-14-2006 - 8:09pm

I would absolutely NOT tell him it's his weight...there's no need to be hurtful. I'd say that after further reflection (assuming you said you'd go out with him again), you just don't think the two of you are a match. I did something along those lines with the very obese guy who lied about his size and posted an old picture.

Sheri

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-18-2005
In reply to: cl_bklynchik
Sat, 01-14-2006 - 8:28pm
Why would it be hurtful? The first thing out of his mouth when she tells him that she's not "feeling it" is gonna be "is it my weight?" Not telling the truth is hurtful. I'd rather have someone tell me my butt's too big rather than hide behind some "oh you're just not my type" when everything else is great. Then I'll either work on myself or think I saved myself from another shallow one.
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-19-2004
In reply to: cl_bklynchik
Sat, 01-14-2006 - 8:54pm
I would just tell him you aren't feeling the chemistry. I wouldn't tell him it's the weight. But what I want to know is why you continued on knowing full well you didn't really like him because of the weight, why keep him hanging on the line for the last couple weeks...I mean it seems almost cruel now at this point.
Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
In reply to: cl_bklynchik
Sat, 01-14-2006 - 10:08pm

Because it just is. But it explains a lot that you don't realize that.




Edited 1/14/2006 10:17 pm ET by northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-18-2005
In reply to: cl_bklynchik
Sat, 01-14-2006 - 11:17pm
I suppose we could have loads of fun psychoanalyzing each other just from the written word on a message board. I'm just saying that I'm fat and I'd appreciate the truth and have more respect for the person delivering it than hiding behind some "oh I'm just not feeling it" crap when they really mean "I can't imagine seeing you naked." If the guy was within her weight range, would she not be all over him? If it's the only thing holding her back, why not tell him? But I'm weird and I like the truth - even if it hurts. That's all I'm saying. I'm outnumbered here so obviously it's not the norm.