What to do?????

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-04-2005
What to do?????
6
Thu, 09-15-2005 - 11:14pm
I recently met a guy on match. He seems nice and our personalities and sense of humor seem like they could be compatible. However, he doesn't have a picture posted. I asked him to send me one and he did. I know this is going to sound terrible but I'm just not attracted to his picture. He's not ugly - just not my type. So now what am I going to do? I certainly don't want to hurt his feelings. I can't email back and tell him that I didn't like his picture! The only thing I can think of to do is to ghost. I've never done that before and feel like it would be mean but I can't think of what else to do. Any suggestions??
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-08-2005
Fri, 09-16-2005 - 1:55am
You know whats funny, I met the love of my life online. i kind of went through the same thing, when i saw his picture its not that he was unattractive he just wasnt my type. i liked his personality so much and he was unlike any other guy i had spoken to so i asked him for his phone number regardless to at least have him in my life as a friend. we met and talked as friends (completely platonic on my part) for about 7 months. i completely fell for him it wasnt like other friendships that had been platonic too those were platonic bc i had no attraction what so ever of any kind towards them this one felt different though i remember stating a few times this could be the guy i marry. We have been together steadily for 3 years and our relationship has grown beautifully, physically and mentally. What i am trying to say, is there a possibility of maybe becoming friends with him without any expectations? i mean you never know. that could be the guy you marry lol. wish you the best in whatever you decide to do... take care
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-23-2005
Fri, 09-16-2005 - 9:06am

I try not to put too much stock in any "type" at this point in the game. I've found it really benefical to go through with a meet if communication gets beyond the first few emails and there's a genuine interest there. I put no expectations of a romantic connection and have the meeting be the goal.
My first OLD date was with a guy who emailed me. I was NOT impressed with his photos at all. He looked nerdy and my type has always been more rough around the edges (well, all over for that matter LOL), but there were enough similarities and qualities in his profile that I figured "Just have a cup of coffee with the guy and see what happens". We met for coffee and he was actually better looking than his photos, though still nerdy;) We had a great conversation which led to a couple of months of dating. Ultimately we just weren't a match. But to this day that man tops my list of "The Best Kisser". Never woulda thought that in a million years by looking at him.
Give it a shot. What have you got to lose but an hour and a half of your time. Besides every meet, no matter what the outcome, serves a greater purpose. The more times you do it the better you get at it.

Chele

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iVillage Member
Registered: 07-21-2004
Fri, 09-16-2005 - 9:35am

Unfortunately, it's happened to most of us.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 05-23-2005
Fri, 09-16-2005 - 9:56am
You may also want to check out the Challenge thread that brklynchik posted a while back. I'll bump it up for you.
This something that a lot of us deal with...the struggle to open yourself to the possibilities and go against "type".
That being said, if right now you can't even imagine yourself sitting across a table and talking to the guy 'cuz he's such a turn-off then just ghost.
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iVillage Member
Registered: 09-04-2005
Fri, 09-16-2005 - 10:25am
It's really not that he's bad looking. In fact, my best friend said she thought he was handsome. I guess the thing is that he looks old. But, then again, we are old!!! The last time I dated I was in my 20s. Now I'm almost 50 and I'll be darned if we don't all look quite a bit older! ;o) Maybe I just have to get used to the fact that a 50ish man is going to look... well... 50ish. Also, facial hair is a big turnoff to me and he has a mustache. And, finally, his glasses aren't stylish! Can you see how superficial I'm being? I think everyone's advice about meeting him anyway is good. Once I know someone their looks are really not that important to me anyway.... Having said that, I think I'll go ahead and have coffee with him and see what happens. Thanks for the good advice everyone! Will keep you all posted...
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-23-2005
Fri, 09-16-2005 - 11:03am

OK! hehehe...I totally get where you're coming from because I'm struggling with the EXACT same thing. I'm 45. I get a lot of winks and emails from guys in their 50's and a few in their 60's. My 2 OLD relationships were with guys who were 38. Great fun but both committment-phobes. Problem being that I'm a bit of a committment-phobe myself, I guess. LOL. Both relationships ended just shy of 2 months.
So I ask myself if the guys in their late 40's early 50's may be more ready to commit, you know...not looking for the next best thing. I don't know because I've never dated anyone that age before. I see their pictures and they just look old and I'm afraid that being with someone like that will make me feel or appear old and I having a hard time coming to grips with that. I am old. sheesh!
Anyway, I'm with you there Debbie. Have coffee with him and just look to meet someone nice.

Good Luck,
Chele

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