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| Fri, 05-20-2005 - 12:27pm |
Hi All -
I have looked around this board and finaly decided that it was time to post here!
I met a great guy on line, we were to meet a few weeks ago and he backed out of the date. I waited a few days for him to call after he broke the date, so I sent him an email asking him why he broke the date. He said that he broke it because he was scared. He said he bacically fell in love with me over the phone and he just got scared that his heart would be broken. Well, we worked though all of that and met last weekend. It was GREAT! He is everything he said he was and more.
He is where the issue starts, he told me he had suspended his American Singles account. Well I suspended mine a few days after we met, however he has been on. Now do I tell him that? A friend told me that maybe he was checking to see if I cancled mine as well.
I really like this guy. Help!!!
Thanks
Krisy

Krisy....
This "great guy" is stringing you along!
Here's a novel approach. Ask him why he was on the site.
But on a serious note - please please please pay attention to all the posts about the false intimacy created when you have a phone "relationship". He's no more in love with you than he is a pig in a poke.
I'd be very wary of a man who made such claims. Even if we had been spending a lot of face time. It's only been a few weeks!
I agree. I think what is far more alarming is the fact that he has already claimed to have "fallen in love with you" over the phone and claimed to have suspended his account after a single date. You both are moving WAY too fast here. The person each of you got to know over the phone as well as the person you met on the first date may or may not be the person they really are. You need to get to know each other for a long time before becoming exclusive (taking profiles down) and much longer before declaring your love! You should both continue to date other people until you know each other better and can determine if this is someone you want to spend time with. Especially with kids, you do not want to get too attached to a guy too quickly.
You might want to ask him about being online but make sure you do it in a non-accusatory manner. You will come across as controlling and demanding if you ask too accusingly. Also, if what your friend says is right and he was checking up on you - you two might have a few trust and communication issues to work out before you can realistically be in a healthy relationship with one another.
I know you are thinking....With "us" /"me" it is different. I PROMISE you are not an exception to the rule.
He is still online because he is looking for a BBD.
Jodie
http://tickers.ticke
Kris,
I know I seem abrupt...but in my early days of OLD I thought none of the rules applied to me. I gave them all the benefit of the doubt...and I was always proven wrong.
It is called a Bigger-Better-Deal.
If you are at all like me, you will feel that they won't find a BBD than you. For you are the Biggest, and Bestest Deal (grin).
But the allure of dating online is too much sometimes.
If I had a nickel for every guy who thought they were in love with me prior to meeting, I would own Match.com.
Ten dollars to a donut he is browsing for the next girl.
I do however, wish you the best of luck.
Jodie
Edited 5/20/2005 1:32 pm ET ET by truewild1969
http://tickers.ticke
I also suggest continuing to see other guys, you have only met once and although I am more of the type of focusing on a few or one at a time (I've never been able to juggle more than 2-3 tops) you don't want to become exclusive after just one meet. If anything, see some other guys so you keep your wits about this guy that you like so much. Otherwise you will just focus on him and drive yourself crazy with things like wondering why he's still online. I am also wary of the fact that he says he was falling in love with you over the phone, it just simply isn't enough time to make that statement. I would wait a few dates to decide (for you) if you don't feel like seeing anyone else but don't expect the same of him necessarily. Sometimes after a few meets with someone I like I don't feel motivated to keep seeing other people because I want to see what happens with one in particular but it doesn't necessarily mean we're in a relationship, I'm just not the kind of person who dates a bunch of people at one single time, I like to "focus" on one or maybe two to see where it goes. You have to find what's comfortable to you but don't do it with the expectation that he's doing the same thing.
Also, I hate to throw this out there, but he may have been breaking dates to see other women as opposed to being scared? I don't know, he sounds a little too "smooth talking" to me. He is online for a reason, either checking up on you or looking for other gals.
Two glaring red flags--he told you he LOVED you before you've even *met* (I'm shocked that you went ahead and met him after that!!!), and he lied about taking his profile down (as you wrote he said he HAD suspended his American Singles account, not that he was GOING to do so).
The first would be a deal-breaker for me in and of itself; combined with the 2nd, it's a no brainer...NEXT him!
Sheri