what do guys want

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-13-2003
what do guys want
8
Sat, 07-02-2005 - 11:17am
I'm completly baffled by what guys want. We go on these meets and then never hear from them again. It's happened to me three times. I'd love to ask them what exactly they're looking for. Do they meet girls just to say they did or what? I don't understand any of it. Things go well and then that's it. Never hear from them again or if we do, it's to wish us luck in our search. At least that's what's happened with me. It would be nice to have at least one second date. I know it's not me. They even tell me I'm nice and attractive, all of that good stuff and still don't call back. I wish I knew what's up with all of this.
Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Sat, 07-02-2005 - 11:24am

Well, since each man is an individual, you're not going to have a lot of luck answering that question in the plural.

I think you have unrealistic expectatiions if you think it should only take meeting 3 men to find a potential match. It would be unusual for that to be the case. If you haven't had a 2nd date after meeting *23* men, then we can talk ;-).

Sheri

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-03-2004
Sat, 07-02-2005 - 12:20pm

Classic questions: what do women want? what do men want?

The answer is simple, kathy: what's important is what YOU want. We (human beings) are givers/receivers so get clear about what you are prepared to give and what you need to receive.

And this needs to be said again: you are basing your question on THREE guys? Puleese.

amjay

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-22-2003
Sat, 07-02-2005 - 5:31pm

i think your quest was probably partly rhetorical , right?

hang in there Kathy - i think guys may like you but not enough to actually pursue something. You may just be too much of a match for the guy, and right now in their life, that isn't what they want - they want something more casual. All about timing.

also what we think is a total connection may not be a connection the guy's side. Guys' judgement of connection isn't quite the same. they go from physical connection to emotional/intellectual, whereas women go the opposite direction. So you see how this is difficult w/ dating.

I think the best way to start having better dates (not a guarantee) is to start looking for whta you want in a guy, and only go out w/ those guys. No exceptions. I think the pool of guys will get less that you have this with. But then again, you could still come into these guys who you think you've got a connection w/ then nada....

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-05-2005
Tue, 07-05-2005 - 7:13pm
I'm not trying to be mean here, but it's probably you. From a guys point of view if I don't like a womens appearance or her personality I won't tell her that. That would be rude. The easiest way to let someone know your not interested is to stop contacting them. So thats likely why they don't call. And by the way, women do the same to men.
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-13-2003
Tue, 07-05-2005 - 7:30pm
Thanks for that, I really appreciate it.
Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 07-05-2005 - 7:33pm

All that means is that you're not right for the guy in question!!! It doesn't mean you're ugly or have a bad personality or anything like that...you just aren't right for THAT PARTICULAR GUY.

You CAN'T take dating so personally or you'll go insane!!!

A good book to read if you have trouble with this concept is "A Fine Romance" by Judith Sills.

Sheri

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-18-2005
Tue, 07-05-2005 - 7:36pm

You have to go out more, three dates are three dates. Maybe you go on three dates and date one you don’t like his demeanor (too eclectic for your tastes) and date two you didn’t feel any romantic chemistry and date three was cool but you feel a stronger connection with another guy you met so you decide to pursue that – it can be that easy. So what you do is go back out there and realize over time some special guy will recognize that YOU are exactly what he’s seeking – remember that when you get down and it will all be worth it!!! As much as you want a second date there are times and will be times they won’t be for you either, nothing personal – to each their own as they say.

Ms. Peanut

 
 
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-21-2003
Tue, 07-05-2005 - 9:26pm
This is the truth. And as for myself, I'd rather think a fellow didn't ask me out again because he considered me too old or too ugly than because he thought I was obnoxious or stupid--in other words, better to be rejected for my looks than my personality! That said, most of the guys I have met OLD have NOT asked me out again. Other than the guy I am seeing right now, I think my OLD dates this past year stand this way: three dates (1), two dates (2), and only one meeting or date (6). A lot of these men would make really good pals, so I was actually disappointed to not see them again, even if nothing clicked. Only 1 (in addition to those mentioned) falls into that category, so that all adds up to 11 men I went out with via OLD in about 8 months.