What do you do when....
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| Mon, 02-28-2005 - 9:23pm |
Your two closest friends are dating and in semi-relationships and you're not? You know, I've never minded being single because I have always had my two best friends who were usually single at the same time as me. Of course now that they are dating and I'm not, I feel a little less happy about being single. :-)
BTW, they're both dating guys they met online.
Friend #1 met a guy who sounds like major, major trouble, but she's not getting it. He has an ex that is claiming she is pregnant; he's being sued and he gave her some weird skin infection - all within a month of dating!!
Friend #2 has been talking to a guy online for about a month and he is flying out to meet her next week.
I hate it when I feel sorry for myself. So why do I do it? What do you usually do when you realize that your support system is a little less available than you're used to?

Yes, it's very hard when a close friend pairs up. My pet peeve about women -- when they get a boyfriend/fiance/husband, they tend to drop their single girlfriends. Happens all the time.
Your two friends haven't actually gone anywhere, though. They are still just dating.
What to do when, as you say, your support system is a little less available -- deal with it. It is a natural thing to do (pair up with a guy) when you get older, and spend less time with your buds. What you can do is just be the same, good friend you are. And get busy with your own interests, other new friends even.
BTW, your Friend #1 is headed for trouble with this guy. Get ready to pick up the pieces.
Cheer up, dari! Your friendships are going through a change, and this doesn't have to be a bad thing.
amjay
Hi Dari,
You are a good friend, and that is what counts. I know that it is hard when a friend will not see what is Crystal clear--we have all been on Both sides of that coin. Sadly, it sounds like Both women wil soon be wild and free, and watch, then You will have met someone cool and be dating him! It does not really have to "even" out with really good friendships; you learn to roll together, through the good and the not-so-good.
And really, aren't your friend's feelings more important than your opinion of things? I am a stubborn sort and have to come to realizations on my own for them to "stick to velcro" and I Cherish my friends for hanging with me through those times...and I am blessed to able to return the favor, if need be!
Hang in there!
Truly,
Cupcake
LOL If I were you, I'd be thanking my lucky stars I wasn't dating A) Mr getting-sued-skin-infection-preggers-ex guy... and delighted I wasn't stuck with B) Mr So-far-away-has-to-FLY-to-see-me-guy!
If those are the options... you should be delighted to be single. ;)
"LOL If I were you, I'd be thanking my lucky stars I wasn't dating A) Mr getting-sued-skin-infection-preggers-ex guy... and delighted I wasn't stuck with B) Mr So-far-away-has-to-FLY-to-see-me-guy!"
Ain't that the truth! I'm always amazed at what some people will settle for. Thanks for injecting some levity into the situation!!
I understand. I actually don't have any close friends in my town who are single. They are all married, some with kids. It does make it harder to see that all the time and want the same thing.
One thing that has helped me is to think about the positive aspects of being single. They are there. Also, I know that to me all my friends seem to have these perfect lives/relationships, but I know that's probably not really the case. Just tell yourself that you're going to hold out for someone that really "does it" for you. Someone told me this recently and it really hit home -- she said "The lonliest I have ever been was when I was in a bad relationship". It's actually very, very true. I was much more unhappy in a bad marriage that I have been since being single. At least now I have choices and options, and the chance to be happy.
Hi Eric,
I agree with you - I was also more unhappy in a bad marriage than I have been single. The single part took some adjustment time as I was married for a long time, but it is definitely better than the life I was living with the ex. You said, "...At least now I have choices and options, and the chance to be happy..." - so true!!!!!!!
Hi Dari,
I can understand how you are feeling with both of your friends seeing other people now. But from what you described of their guys I wouldn't say either one is a great thing, so just wait it out and they'll need you as usual to support them and encourage them when/if things go wrong.
On Wed. nights, my girlfriends and I get together, no matter who we are seeing at the time, either for dinner or to go to a little bar that has kareoke (which none of us sings!). But we keep girl's night a priority and have fun and catch up for the week. I exlained the girl's night to the guy I have been seeing for a month now, and he understood. He'll say - oh yeah tomorrow is girl's night, and he seems ok with it. But I've learned over the years that guys can come and go, but your friends remain and you gotta treat your girls good! They're your support system, the ones who love you no matter what jerk you deside to date, are there for you when things go badly, and are there to celebrate the good things with you!
If I meet a guy who is threatened by my getting together with my girlfriends, then it makes me question why he is feeling that way, if he's a real insecure person...and if he is, do I want to be with someone who possibly might have trust issues, etc? I've dated clingy guys who want to just about eat you alive and have all of your complete attention, not for me! Many of those types have control issues. Buh bye...
But when I'm out with the girls, many guys will not approach a group of girls anyway, so there's not much to worry about for our guys, besides, if I do run into a guy when I'm out with the girls, it usually makes me appreciate the guy I'm with more anyway!
I hate it when girls just quit seeing their friends or ignore them when they get involved with a guy. I actually think guys like it better when they realize that you have a life of your own and will continue with your life, but yet will see them also. I feel it makes for a more interesting person and relationship. JMHO.
Sunshine
Hey dari. I know exactly how you feel. Right now, a good friend of mine is in the blissful stages of a new GOOD relationship. I have to admit to being really jealous and depressed that my own dating life is going through a lot of ups and downs. I am happy for her because she has not had a good relationship much less any relationship in a long time. But it doesn't help that she is always talking about him and the great things that he does and bailing on days we had plans b/c he wants to see her. When I am in a relationship (which I have been in a couple when she hasn't), I make a concerted effort to not break plans with my friends and to not bail when we have talked about doing something. I also find myself keeping a lot of those silly happy details to myself or only sharing them with my friends that are involved with someone. I feel like I will be making my friends feel awkward if I am talking about something my guy did. I may NOT be, but I know how *I* feel when my friends do that to me. You want to feel happy for them, but it is hard when you know you are going home to the cat and a glass of wine.
eric's words are encouraging and everyone out here is right when they tell you that you are much better off alone than with a loser like the first guy or one that is so far away like the second. Just keep telling yourself that your turn will come and that you need to find someone that will make YOU happy. The suggestion of a girls' night is a good one too. Make sure that you and your friends stay close b/c there is a good chance that both of them will be hurt very soon by these guys and they will need a good friend like you to lean on. Good luck!