What a Fluke!

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-09-2005
What a Fluke!
7
Fri, 01-27-2006 - 10:35am

Well guys, I really have not been interested in dating or OLD, but since I’m a big shopper on Craigslist (I have refurnished my son’s room), yesterday I cruised the personals. I found one ad which seem tame and responded. The Guy responded and we shared about 2-3 emails before he stated that he would like to take this to the telephone. Anyway he is a Northerner (like myself) and lives in my area of Georgia. When he forwarded my number he also commented that if I was available that evening we could meet at the local jazz bar in the area. I called him later and we decided to meet last night at 8:30 p.m. We met and really clicked. Before he arrived, one of my friends was there and so when he arrived he joined us in conversation and basically the night went well. He was funny, personable, and attentive and as stated we really clicked. At 10:30 pm he walked me to my car and kissed me. It was like fire, the kissing got intense, I didn’t want to stop but we did. Anyway, I woke up with these ill feelings about although it was a nice “meet and greet” last night; of course, I’m wondering will he call me again??; did he feel the same way??; blah, blah, blah. Well today, I called him and he answered and I just told him that I had a great evening last night and enjoyed meeting him and would like to see him again. His response was “I would have been upset if you didn’t enjoy yourself, and that he would make that happen (in regards to us seeing each other again).”

Anyway I enjoyed last night and if nothing happens from here; then this is why I would rather not have these types of connection because it so much more disappointing. I don’t have any expectations, but there is a desire to see someone again that you click with to see if there is any potential there.

Gee, is having a desire to see someone again to see if we are truly compatible the same as having expectations??

Oh well, I guess I continue w/life and see what happens next!! For the record, I don't think I need to make any more calls and/or make plans for an outing. I believe the ball is in his court! Will keep you posted if "anything" transpires.

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-20-2001
In reply to: tstephnic
Fri, 01-27-2006 - 10:56am

I certainly wish you luck with this and hope the guy calls you again soon. I don't know which is worse; having no prospects whatsoever or meeting someone you are very interested in and they lead you to believe "they" are interested and then they never call or make any effort to see you again. I've been in one of those scenarios for much of the last 6+ years.

I struggle with "what is wrong" with me that I can't get or keep the attention of someone I'm interested in. I read stories about others who met on the web and date for several years, some even getting married while I continue to have dead-end deals with no staying power or future. What I want is the picture you've painted about the first-meet with this guy--just keep us posted and let us know if he calls or makes plans with you again.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-09-2005
In reply to: tstephnic
Fri, 01-27-2006 - 11:11am

You are not alone, and unfortunately I think the worse. I have no doubt that he will call again -- but it may be 2 weeks later! WTF? All this intensity and then become a mere afterthought that they call 2 weeks later only because they have nothing better to do. Whatever happened to having that type of intensity and having the desire to pick the phone up the next day to say "hello!" Every relationship I've ever had did start with this type of intensity; and then the guy reciprocated by calling the next day and staying consistent with dating, etc. Seemingly, these past 4 years, things in the dating world have certainly changed.

Anyway, thanks for the well wishes and will keep you posted. It's a shame to think so negatively, but considering my track record w/men on OLD, I'm just not very hopeful these day. I have a pretty busy weekend (2 parties) so will work on making some IRL connections. I'm bummed about the men I meet through OLD.

To answer your question, I would rather have NO prospects then to meet various men I'm interested in to which they never call or make an effort to see you again.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-19-2004
In reply to: tstephnic
Fri, 01-27-2006 - 11:13am
Sounds good!!!!
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-14-2003
In reply to: tstephnic
Fri, 01-27-2006 - 11:27am

The one thing I have learned over the years is that what might be transpiring with you might not be the same as what is transpiring with another person.

Mind you, I know you have been on this board before and know what you are doing, but it might be simpler to leave alcohol out of the equation during a first meet.

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-20-2001
In reply to: tstephnic
Fri, 01-27-2006 - 11:47am

While having no prospects is not real comforting, at least I am not driving myself crazy wondering if a guy is interested or if he will call when I get to that point. As I've stated in other posts, it seems that there is an element of "laziness" on a lot of guys' part nowadays. What is even more shocking to me is that if a guy puts a profile on a dating site and claims he wants a relationship, then that should indicate that he is not lazy in pursuing something with a possible match.

I am also baffled and delusioned by the men I have encountered who neither actually have the time nor inclination to follow through with the whole dating process. They bail out oftentimes before you even meet them! These guys who have jobs that are 95% travel (like trucker guy) or who are "on-call" (like bounty hunter guy) have no business in the dating game since they do not have time for a regular dating relationship. They should have known that BEFORE they posted a profile--these same two men indicated in their profile they wanted a relationship. In reality, they are not serious about wanting a relationship. If they were, they would make time for one. If they wanted a fling, they would not need a dating site for that. I wish that only eligible, reliable, mature and trustworthy men would put up profiles. However, that will probably never be the case for a lot of men online.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-09-2005
In reply to: tstephnic
Fri, 01-27-2006 - 12:02pm
Very good point!
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-18-2005
In reply to: tstephnic
Fri, 01-27-2006 - 12:41pm

Gee, is having a desire to see someone again to see if we are truly compatible the same as having expectations??

LOL, hey don't stress. My only advice is if he calls great and if he doesn't it just wasn't meant to be and you did have fun i.e. w/out risk there is no chance so good for you for taking a chance in spite of bad past old experiences. Remember it takes just "one" if not this one, eventually!!!!

SP