What gives?

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-08-2006
What gives?
9
Sun, 07-23-2006 - 11:43am
I met someone online over a month ago and we have amazing conversations (text, im and phone). We've talked about nearly everything there is to talk about and both feel that we have a great connection. I easily get frustrated though because he'll say "I'll call tomorrow" and then doesn't. A couple days will go by without me hearing from him. How are we supposed to get to know one another if he won't "talk" to me at least every other day?; he's planning on coming to visit for the first time in August. He did admit that just because we don't talk everyday doesn't mean that he's not thinking about me every day. I guess what ticks me off is that he doesn't call when he says he will and of all the times I've called him he's only answered once. Should I be frustrated?
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-29-2003
In reply to: itsmeemma
Sun, 07-23-2006 - 12:19pm

Have you met in person?

Avatar Image"The Small Peanu
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-13-2006
In reply to: itsmeemma
Mon, 07-31-2006 - 2:53pm
If he doesn't call when he says he will, it's because you aren't a priority to him. "He's just not that into you." Move on before you get even more hurt. Sorry.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-16-2006
In reply to: itsmeemma
Mon, 07-31-2006 - 3:05pm

Umm, she SHOULDN'T be a priority to him at this stage.

heather 5-18-10
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-20-2001
In reply to: itsmeemma
Tue, 08-01-2006 - 11:48am
I'm glad someone finally said it. I also hate that phrase "He's just not that into you". I will always believe it is an easy excuse for explaining men's bad behavior. It is usually more about not having manners than it is if they're "into you". Plain truth is many men don't use common courtesy. I'm sure some women also fall into that category, but I have seen more men than women who made no effort when it came to dating; they drop the ball but continue to play the field anyway. Society just gives them a pass with the over-promoted book like "He's Just Not That Into You". It makes fun of women for trying to play by the rules and glosses over why a guy is oftentimes a jerk. I have always believed that book was an insult to most single women. However, some think it is great.
Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
In reply to: itsmeemma
Tue, 08-01-2006 - 12:15pm

Uh, no, it does NOT give men a pass! Have you actually READ the book?? If anything, the message to women is to NOT accept bad behavior, and to move on from men who aren't treating them like they want to be treated!

Edited to add: If you don't like the book, you don't, no skin off my nose--but it seems to me you're missing the point of it.

Sheri




Edited 8/1/2006 12:20 pm ET by northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-16-2006
In reply to: itsmeemma
Tue, 08-01-2006 - 2:56pm

For me, it's not that it gives guys the pass but more just the expectation of women and when he "should" be into her.

heather 5-18-10
Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
In reply to: itsmeemma
Tue, 08-01-2006 - 4:20pm

Yes, I'm very familiar with the show and the book ;-)!

But him being a comedian and TV writer doesn't mean the book doesn't have value. His other book on breakups is excellent...and funny.

And as I've said numerous times on these boards (so apologies for repeating myself ;-)), IMO the catch phrase isn't really the point of the book (but what else was he going to call it, given the show?). Really, the title should be something like "He's just not right for you" ;-). The point I take from it is that if you're happy with how you're being treated, then great! It doesn't matter how often he's calling or seeing you or whatever, so long as you are HAPPY with it (key point). But if you're NOT happy, then stop making excuses for the guy and move on to someone who will treat you as you want to be treated.

And FWIW I agree with you about the OP.

Sheri

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-09-2005
In reply to: itsmeemma
Tue, 08-01-2006 - 5:07pm
Yes, you should be frustrated -- but at yourself! I personally think you should limit your conversations and meet him in person. I don't understand why you would be sharing all of yourself with a virtual stranger. Based upon the fact that he doesn't do what he says he is going to do; I'm wondering if he will even show up in August. It seems to me that his interest level is not very high especially since you have already let him know that it bothers you that he doesn't call frequently. Find other things to do and/or set up other online meets and let him do further initiating (phone calls, or meets).
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-15-2004
In reply to: itsmeemma
Thu, 08-03-2006 - 1:06am

Its hard when you haev someone in your mind as what you "expect" them to be - but hanging around her the past couple motnhs I have learned that people arent always who them SEEM to be ... or who we THINK they are.


Please dont get so wrapped up on someone on line whom you havent met. It will only lead to you being hurt.


R~

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