what gives?
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| Thu, 04-26-2007 - 12:47pm |
So I have been on match for about a month, have really only found a couple (3-4) guys that I have found interesting or really communicated with. Only spoken to one of them on the phone but he turned out to be boring and I found out was on Match like the day after his gf broke up with him...um red flag, no more communication.
Anyway I think my profile is good and my pic is cute and I think it shows my personality. But all I seem to get are winks, the occasional email but not from someone who I would like to meet. I guess I figured I would've been asked out at least once by now!? How long was it before all of you asked someone out/was asked out? I am thinking of canceling soon due to lack of options/interest. Just wondering if it started out this slow for everyone else!
Thanks
Courtney

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I know there are a lot of people on this board that really like match, but I'm not one of them. Your story with match sounds very similar to mine, and I wonder if it has to do with our age? I'm 25, by the way. I was on match for a few months and got hardly anything in the way of emails/phone calls/dates. I think I met one person the entire time and I was NOT interested after we met.
I personally had much better luck actually meeting people when I was on eHarmony. I also met a ton of people using Craig's List, but that is a definite mixed bag...
I don't know what it is with match.com, but it really just didn't do anything for me. There were TONS of people on there, but most of them didn't seem to really be active or proactive about meeting anyone (or maybe just me), so I found it to be disappointing.
Anyway, that's just my experience, and I am somewhat sure that I'm in the minority (I swear I'm not totally strange or anything, but I met 2 of my 3 serious boyfriends on okcupid.com), but I think there are better site out there besides match.
You'll find a method that works well for you soon, hang in there!
How many guys have you winked at, or emailed? You have to be proactive as well, you know- it's not just enough to sit back and hope that you get lots of interest.
I know the book "HJNTIY" says that the guy has to chase the girl, but I think it's wrong at least for the first part of OLD; it can work out VERY well if the woman at least expresses some interest in some guys.
And since one of OLD's big advantages is numbers, try to take advantage of that, too; wink at or email at least a few people a week, and maybe go on more dates than you normally would. Keep them casual (meet for coffee or lunch) but why not? Let's face it, most of the time, we meet someone in person and it's just kind of blah- not a ton of chemistry.
But those times that we meet someone with good chemistry? Whooohooo!
So go for it!- give some guys some winks, some emails, and see what happens.
Oh I am totally proactive. I send winks or even respond to the winks with an email and have had little luck with that as well. 2 out of the 4 guys I have had an interest in, I sent them emails first so.... I think it's just slim pickin's in my area right now for whatever reason!
Thanks
Courtney
Edited 4/26/2007 3:05 pm ET by pinkcourtney
My take is that it depends on your region where you live not so much which dating website you are signed up on. It could be age dependent as well but I think it is more what your geo-demographics are.
Mark
Not knowing where you live, it's hard to say if your response rate has anything to do with demographics. I have love/hate relationship with OLD, but I'll tell you this: I am 1000% convinced that it's a numbers game. Pure and simple. Just like anything else. The more you try, the more you email, the more you initiate contact and "put yourself out there," the more likely you will have good results.
I have found over the course of time (and trust me, I've spent a LONG time on the sites over the years) that I have a much greatest success rate when *I* make the initial contact. It gives me some element of control and I don't have to sit around waiting... or wondering why people aren't writing. I don't waste my time with the winks. I think they're for chickens. And frankly, I ignore most of the guys who wink me unless their profile knocks me off my chair. I mean, if my profile has piqued his interest enough to wink, what's keeping him from sending a quick note? Non-members wink because it's their only option.
Another thing... I have a friend (sorry if you're reading this! hee hee) who was discouraged because her response rate was low. When I asked how many guys she was contacting, she said "5. I'm required to send 5 emails a month." Hello? Five contact a month??? That's like finding a needle in a haystack, in my not-always-so-humble opinion. OLD is like gambling. Your odds of success drastically increase with more contact. I have literally gone through the "reverse matches search" and emailed 20 or so guys who I thought sounded interesting. Did all 20 respond? OMG no. Maybe a couple. That's the numbers game. To expect a home run with little effort (or a small number of initiated emails might be a better descriptive) is, in my opinion, unrealistic.
I think it's also important to keep in mind that there is no way to know who on Match is actually a member. **ANYONE** can post a profile for free... which means they're "out there", but they can't reply or initiate contact (but for the winks, which is yet another reason I don't like them). It's possible that the guys you're contacting aren't even members... hence the lack of reply.
There are a lot of folks who like eHarmony. I am in the minority I think because I did not like it at all. Yes, as a whole, I think people on the site are more serious about meeting someone... but you also have ZERO ability to "shop", if you will. You're relying on some random system to decide who's "right" for you, and for the cost, I just didn't think it was worth it. Plus, I found the process painfully s-l-o-w and half of the folks didn't have pictures (which, let's face it, is half the battle) until later stages.
Now, the way I see it is this. You have a choice. You can sit around and wait for guys to "find you" on the site, or you can take the proactive approach and email (not wink!) everyone and their dog who **remotely** appeals to you. If you're too rigid in your "criteria", loosen it up a bit. You never know who you might stumble upon. You won't have a 100% response rate... heck, you might not even have a 10% response rate, but I guarantee your odds of success are better.
:) Don't give up. Just increase your odds!
Courtney--- Welcome to online dating! Where everyone suddenly becomes gorgeous and desirbable--- even in reality--- they are NOT.
I saw your picture, you're cute and you can have THE BEST online profile ever--- and not get hit on by "good guys" or you can get lucky. Its something that often makes no sense...
Its NOT you--- and its a craps game--- I tell you it because I am right there with you!
If the guys on this site aren't your cup of tea (and I would write to the ones you find attractive)--- I would try something else like eharmony--- where at least they have to put SOME effort into it as opposed to match--- where you don't have to...
niki: "I don't know what it is with match.com, but it really just didn't do anything for me. There were TONS of people on there, but most of them didn't seem to really be active or proactive about meeting anyone (or maybe just me), so I found it to be disappointing."
Courtney, my experience with match has been similar to niki's. Men on there were just not proactive about meeting. I'm currently on plentyoffish.com, I'm not actively searching, I'm just answering messages that I'm receiving. I'm getting asked out often on there. I Have gone out already with two men from there. One was no chemistry and I elected not to see him again. The other one is the man I'm currently dating and having problems with. I have a new date this weekend (if I keep it) with a new man.
I agree that OLD is a numbers game. I know I sent out more than my share of emails and messages on match and eharmony when I used them.
About the winks thing... that is something I am torn on. When I'm using a paid site, if I receive a wink I usually assume it is because the person doesn't want to pay to use the site; however, if I like their profile at all, I still usually reply with a short message. Luckily, I did that, because my now bf initially sent me a wink on okcupid. I asked him why he didn't send me a real message and he said it was because he liked my profile but couldn't think of anything good to say in a message. Now, I agree that that sounds like a total cop-out, and maybe it was, but luckily I did write to him because we've been together 10 months now and I have a really good feeling about him. It's a ironic too, because now we seem to never run out of things to discuss; half the nights we have a hard time sleeping because we keep on talking! So, even though I don't think the odds of a "wink" or "ice breaker" turning into a great date or relationship are very slim, it personally happened to me, so I can't advise anyone to completely disregard them.
I agree with you that eharmony is slow too, that really annoyed me when I used it. But, I liked that a solid majority of the guys were serious about following through and going out on an actual date; because I think that is when you can really tell if you'll click with someone. So I think each site has it's pros and cons...
Anyway, OLD is definitely a numbers game, I think just about all of us can agree on that!
I hear ya' on the wink thing. If someone winked me who grabbed my interest, I would always respond... but with an *email* rather than in kind with another wink. I figured the email took things "up a notch" and showed the guy I was interested enough to invest a little time.
Congratulations on your new bf. It sounds like things are going *really* well!!! And how fun to stay up all night talking!!! Lucky you!
K3
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