What is up with guys' profiles?

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-13-2004
What is up with guys' profiles?
11
Sat, 02-19-2005 - 8:05pm

I've been divorced and alone for almost six years. In that time, I have had maybe a dozen dates. Yes, that's all. I'm not much of a dater ... never was. But I swear, I do NOT understand the profiles that guys put up! They want no games, yet, we have to understand that means that we're not to reply to them too quickly or they'll think we're too eager. They want a relationship, but they don't want to commit the time. Case in point: my last ... uh, whatever you wanna call it ... was a guy that I really enjoyed being around. We talked on the phone A LOT (he called me, not the other way around), and when we finally met, it was very comfortable. We shared a lot of the same ideals and interests and I thought this was gonna be something special. Then he cancelled on me for date #2, citing that his 17-year-old daughter wanted some quality time with her dad. Fine. I sent him an email telling him that I was disappointed, but hoped we could make it up sometime. So we had another date (date #3, but really just the second date that actually happened) ... it went GREAT ... and then date #4, he cancelled again, citing this time that he had to work. Now, I don't know about you ladies, but when someone cancels on me 30 minutes before he's supposed to be at my house for a dinner that I spent most of the day preparing, I was not only disappointed, I was upset! Yes, I wrote him again and he said that he couldn't guarantee that he would ever be able to keep his appointments with me and therefore couldn't give me what I needed and deserved. Fine. We parted ways. But what REALLY pisses me off is that the very first line of his profile is "If you're looking for a man who will be there for you, then I'm your guy". WHA?! I finally told him on our goodbye conversation that I don't know of any woman that would endure an "I'll see you if and when I see you" kind of relationship!

I began reading profiles after that. A close friend told me to get back up on that horse and start contacting other men, but y'know ... every single profile says something to the effect of "tired of games" or "want a best friend" or "will be there for you" ... how in the WORLD are you supposed to know?!?

Basically, I'm sick of being alone, and sick of trying to do this weird internet dance just to find out if a guy even is close to who he portrays himself to be ... all without making any kind of "emotional" testimony (makes 'em run), or being too flirty (makes 'em horny), or without being too clingy, needy, whiney ... sheesh. Who wrote these rules and how on earth do you ever figure out how to play the game without playing the game?!? And how is anyone gonna know who I am without spending time to find out or without letting me talk to him about real issues? I'm told men don't want real issues. They want FUN. They want FLIRTING. They want someone who's a Stepford Wife ... but an unmarried version. I'm beginning to think that I'm a freak of nature who will die alone because I JUST DON'T GET IT!!!

Okay. I'm long-winded and a rant a lot. But I tell you ... this whole internet dating thing is my only shot ... I live in a small town, am a single mom, and work 50 hours a week, so it's not like there's a place here to meet men unless you own a .38 and want to go to the local dive bars. Eccch! I guess I'm way too emotional a creature to be cold and heartless ... which is how you have to act when you're on this venue!!

Sorry. I hope you all will endure my ramblings. And thanks for listening.

~~h~~

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iVillage Member
Registered: 01-12-2005
Tue, 02-22-2005 - 12:03pm

Hi Holly!


Pianoguy somehow missed your post....but given the excellent advice from so many other ivillagers, there's very little to add.


Niceguyonline really summed it up though....at least from a man's point of view.


Most men AREN'T going to stick with a woman who is constantly complaining.

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