What happened???

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-29-2010
What happened???
4
Tue, 03-27-2012 - 11:07pm

I met someone on a online dating site a couple of weeks ago. The first meeting went fine. We live about 3 hours apart and met about halfway. At the end of the date he asked if we could meet again the following weekend. We met again pretty close to the same place this Saturday. We had a good time and I thought it went pretty well. There were a few awkward moments but nothing out of the ordinary. He seemed truly interested in me until he left, and then it just seemed very obvious to me that the interest had declined. He said something like "maybe we can do it again sometime", but no plan or suggestion for a specific meeting. And of course, he hasn't called since. I have messaged him with generic stuff and he did answer me but that is it. I have been trying to remember something I might have done or said to offend him but obviously I don't know what it was.

I have one friend telling me to keep in touch with him and maybe even invite him to come to my town. Then I have another friend telling me to back off and let him come to me. I know from previous situations like this that if a guy appears to no longer be interested, he really is not interested, so I'm inclined to back off. But I also would like to know what changed. Maybe ask him at some point? I just hate the games that go along with the dating world! Any thoughts?

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-02-2003
Sun, 04-29-2012 - 1:00pm
OMG, I answered the same post twice...sorry about that, clearly I need to get a life...
sooooobig
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-02-2003
Sun, 04-29-2012 - 12:58pm

Why on earth would you think you did something to offend HIM?

Maybe he let out a big fart and was convinced that you noticed and he's mortified.  You can second guess until the cows come home and odds are good "He's just not that into you"

This is just two dates out of a gazillion you will go on.  Assume you didn't say or do anything wrong and move on.

And some bonus advice...don't waste your time on dates you have to drive that far for!

 

sooooobig
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-09-2007
Mon, 04-23-2012 - 2:00pm

Soooobig, what clear thinking and good advice! I am going to post my issues with OLD soon and hope you will advise me, also. Us women in the last few decades seem to be making things too easy for men and not requiring them to step up, which I think is to blame for so many ambivalent and noncommital men these days. Men seem to value something more if they have to work for it, so it must be in their DNA, liberated women be darned. It has never worked for me to take most of the initiative, because then you have to wornder if they really do like you, or if you just made it so easy for them to have an easy relationship. I say let him call you and in the meantime see other people and keep your options open. There is a website called Baggage Reclaim which has really opened my eyes about relationships with men. Check it out. I think you will appreciate it!

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-02-2003
Wed, 03-28-2012 - 9:10pm
The games are all in your head. He's just not that into you. Don't take it personally and don't waste a second of time examining your every word and move.

If he's interested, he'll call. But take a moment and turn it around. Just how interested were you in him? Don't get so wrapped up in feeling rejected that you forget: you had an opportunity to decide about him...just because he decided first doesn't mean he was right for you.
sooooobig
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-23-2010
Wed, 03-28-2012 - 1:21pm
Good advice by Florida. Let him come to you. This is why we date to determine comparability and it sounds like he has determine you aren't compatible. This has nothing to do with you or him it's just how it isn't between you and him.

You need thick skin to OLD or even to date in general. Don't take the rejection personally it's just going to happen until you meet Mr Right!!

Good luck!!

San
Avatar for floridagirl52
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-16-2006
Wed, 03-28-2012 - 7:09am

I think your first instinct is correct. I'm sure you did nothing wrong. He just decided after a couple of meetings that he wasn't that attracted. It doesn't mean you aren't a wonderful person, it just means he wasn't sufficiently interested. And it doesn't mean he's playing a game.

I think it helps to remember times when you have gone out with a perfectly wonderful guy--but just weren't very attracted to him. He did nothing wrong, he was a great guy--you just didn't feel anything.