What is he getting at?
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| Wed, 01-03-2007 - 7:59pm |
Hi,
I'm pretty confused about an online friend of mine who's been giving me mixed signals for quite a while!
We've been online friends for about three years, he was married at the time but he got divorced last year. I was with my ex boyfriend as well and we broke up nine months ago...Anyway, for the first two years we talked occasionally and I enjoyed talking to him (he says the same) We’ve supported helped each others with our problems!
We saw pictures of each other (entire albums) and used webcams once but it's not my thing really so I never used it again, oh and we spoke on the phone once but I suggested we don't speak on the phone again until we meet so that we don't become 'phone buddies' so we maintained our online relationship! He’s in his mid thirties by the way, 11 years older than me.
For the first six months we knew each other we lived in Alberta, Canada but I moved to Quebec. He came to Quebec a few times last year and we tried to meet but we couldn't because of our work schedule!
For the past year I think our relationship had become different than it used to be, he used to email me a lot and sometimes if you read carefully you could see things between the lines but I tried not to over analyse things. Like one time he said he was sorry for not emailing me the week before!
Last time he was in Quebec we almost arranged to meet but I had an emergency meeting at work and couldn’t meet him and he had commitments for the rest of the day. I met him online that day and we chatted for about two hours, he seemed extremely flirtatious that night and I think I flirted back a little…He’s been flirting a little for over a yea but that night it seemed very obvious. He told me ‘he felt close to me’ and I said I felt the same!
He’s always said he liked me, he thought I am pretty, etc. He’s always said that if we met in person before we met online he would have never tried to speak to me because he thought I was too pretty to be with someone like him (he’s OK though) and that he thought I was out of his league but since that visit to Quebec he’s become more flirtatious. I like him a lot as a friend, I am not sure if dating him would be a good idea especially as we live hundreds of miles away.
About six moths ago his emails became les frequent. He was perfectly normal when we chatted but also our chats became less frequent. We used to chat several times a week now we chat about 3 times a month!
About 5 months ago he disappeared for three weeks and emailed him saying that I was worried about him (especially as he was going to had problems with his appendix) He replied saying that his work sent him to the States for a month and apologized for worrying me! You think I shouldn’t have emailed him?
I noticed that if we chatted a couple of times on a week, we don’t chat for the next two weeks. That’s all fine with me but what is driving me crazy is:
Sometimes I sign into msn messenger from work so he changed his status to ‘away’ and when I change mine to away he changes it to ‘online’…It’s like he’s playing a game with me!!
I asked him about that and he said it’s just a coincidence! I thought ‘may be’ and I always set my status to busy!
It happened a few times that I sent him a message saying hello and he never replied. I thought he was away from his desk or something but last month he didn’t reply to me again so I said I had to go and blocked him…I found his actions so strange that I blocked him for a week. The next week he emailed asking about me and I replied and unblocked him, we talked for a while on msn and I thought things were back to normal!
We exchanged a few emails and he talked to me online last week but two days ago I saw him online at work and dropped him a note saying Hello so he changed his status to ‘away’!!!!! I appeared offline so he appeared online again, for 15 minutes then appeared offline and he’s been offline since…..I am wondering What Is Happening???!
I am usually busy to talk at work, I was just saying hello, he could have said hello back or even said he was busy. I never ignore him when he messages me even if I am busy I tell him that I am! I was thinking may be I did something that leaded him to that strange behaviour but I didn’t
We’ve been good friends for 3 years and I really appreciate his friendship but what on earth is he getting at? I just don’t know what to do or how to react!
Thank you for bothering to read!
Natasha

It sounds like he wants to make the transition from friends who talk all the time to friends who talk once in a while. If that's not comfortable for you then maybe it's better if you drop the friendship all together.
Sheri
I don't think he's "getting at" anything.
I agree with the others. This relationship is waning - at least on his part. I doubt that all the changes in status on IM are a coincidence. He's just too chicken to say that he wants to phase out the friendship or at the minimum take it to a lower level.
Also, never attempt to "read between the lines" or overanalyze things in emails. Just take it for what they are. It sounds like maybe you made more of this than was there because it's what you wanted to believe. That happens a lot with online communication.
One thing that gets me:
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If you could chat online for TWO hours, why in the world could you not meet each other in person for 30 minutes instead of chatting online?
Sending the email you did was fine, but I would let this relationship go if I were you. If he wants to keep chatting, let him make the first move. For now, just move on with your life and find a guy in your new city to be with.