What is he thinking?

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-02-2008
What is he thinking?
25
Sun, 06-14-2009 - 9:33am

This isn't an OLD question and I posed it over on the guys give you advice board.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 02-10-2004
Sun, 06-14-2009 - 7:12pm

My guess is that he has mixed feelings and wants to avoid having any clarifying talk because he isn't sure what he wants.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-25-2009
Sun, 06-14-2009 - 8:11pm

I think he is avoiding it. I think he wants his cake & to eat it too.


If you cant get him to sit down & talk, can you get him to speak about it on the phone? Its not fair for you to be living in limbo .. but i also thing you need to be aggressive in this, & if he wont talk about it, dump him.


It seems as if its only going to end painfully for you if you are a "little bit in love", & you KNOW he is looking for someone to haev kids with one day.


& what the heck is HE thinking? dating & sleeping with a woman, while he searches for an egg hatchery???

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2009
Sun, 06-14-2009 - 10:38pm

What is he thinking?

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-06-2008
Mon, 06-15-2009 - 8:02am

Yep, this sure sounds like the guy I was seeing. Running hot and cold with you. Wanting to be with you, but pushing you away. After 7 months, I think, you should have a good idea if you want to be with a person.

I might get some flack for this, but...a guy who hasn't been married by 48, and still wants kids has some commitment/reality issues. I think they like the IDEA of marriage and kids, but after all this time NO ONE fit the bill? I think he's using the 'kid' issue as a way to keep one foot out the door, so if and when "the one" comes along, he can say, "I told you I wanted kids..."

The guy I was seeing wouldn't commit to taking a little time to stop seeing others and see what could happen between us. But he didn't want to stop seeing me, either. But once I made noise about what *I* wanted, suddenly I wasn't so wonderful to him anymore. He became very, very controlling about our "relationship", he suddenly was never free to see me, but didn't actually want to stop having me at his beck and call.

Honestly, I tried putting up with it. I hadn't had a "boyfriend" in 20 years, I wasn't sure how to play the game. But, think about it...are your needs being met here? Are your feelings considered? I understand having back pain is hard, but does that mean you can't see anybody? Excuses, excuses...

He doesn't want to "man up" and just break up with you because he doesn't want to be the bad guy. He's waiting for you to do it. Loaning you his weed whacker is just a way to keep you tied to him, in a stupid little way. Cut your losses, get your girlfriends together, buy a quart of ice cream...you can do this.

It's not worth the aggravation of wondering if he likes you or not.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-06-2004
Mon, 06-15-2009 - 11:29am

Excellent advice, coolas!

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-03-2004
Mon, 06-15-2009 - 6:11pm
I think this guy has been unfair with you, probably from the beginning.
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-02-2008
Tue, 06-16-2009 - 7:14am

Coolas:


Thank you for the excellent advice.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-30-2008
Tue, 06-16-2009 - 3:12pm

<<< But I pull back and I have this serious look on my face and the "we need to talk" look in my eye.>>>


<<>>


Because having a "look in your eye" doesnt mean anything. Tell him point blank "We NEED to talk".


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iVillage Member
Registered: 09-02-2008
Tue, 06-16-2009 - 6:06pm

You're right.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-02-2008
Tue, 06-16-2009 - 6:16pm

Thanks for the advice everyone.

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